[fic] [yst] At the Stars 13/?
hi guys :D sorry i missed only EVERY MAJOR EVENT that occurred between now and... the time i posted the chapter before this. around a century ago.
i did write two buendia/magallanes ficlets for stationslash (which has not been posted at stationslash ahaha) just to get the kinks out because i haven't written in ages... it turned out to be good warmup. look, i'm working on old WIPs again! ...or something XD i think.
At the Stars
Part 13
Don't tell Shuu I'm coming with you, Seiji instructed - because anything could happen between the front door to their apartment and the hospital. Shuu would worry about me, too, on top of worrying about Shin, and might even leave Shin's side if anything happened.
Ryo said he was sure nothing would happen, but he went along with what Seiji wanted. They had been planning to surprise Shuu anyway - it would just be earlier than they'd expected. He waited for Seiji to finish dressing (there was no need to help him with it this time - it was different, and strange).
Seiji wore a pair of dark glasses and a hooded shirt to hide his hair. It was a haphazard disguise, but it would have to do. Without another word Ryo led him to the car he'd borrowed from Shin.
Ryo drove in silence for the first few minutes. It suddenly felt like there was nothing to say, as if they'd exhausted everything they had to talk about the day before.
...Or as if Seiji was nervous. It may be that he was taking it seriously, this fear that he was going to relapse just as suddenly as he got better.
It wasn't a long drive to the hospital nearest Shin's apartment, however. Thankfully, Seiji spoke first.
"What have you been thinking of doing after... all of this?" he asked softly. "Are you going back to your old job? Your old life? Pretend none of this ever happened?"
"Pretend" was a strong word. Ryo disliked Seiji having to use it.
"To be honest," he answered, "I... I never really thought about it."
But Ryo did think about it. And quite often, in fact, during the first couple of months of his stay in Touma's apartment - when he and Touma still argued, loudly and emotionally, about the arrangements that needed to be made after Seiji was gone.
The very idea of Seiji's passing deeply upset Touma, so Ryo simply quit bringing it up. Unbeknownst to him, he stopped thinking about it, too. He had stopped thinking about how he was going to get back to his old life. If he was going to get a more regular, higher-paying job that would help him recover the savings he had depleted in order to help out. Or if he was going to look up colleagues for exhibits and freelance opportunities and stick with photography, even if it paid little.
He didn't realize it, but he had placed his faith completely in Touma, in his promise that he was doing all he could to save Seiji's life. Now that Touma had succeeded, now that Seiji was all right, just trying to think back to his old concerns tired Ryo out.
What was waiting for him after this...?
He decided to avoid the question by throwing it back. "What about you, Seiji? What've you got planned? A place you'd like to go to, maybe? A new start?"
A mirthless smile touched Seiji's lips. He didn't answer right away. Ryo remembered then that Seiji was not really the energetic, try-new-things type. One start was plenty for him.
"Home. I'd like to go home."
Ryo should have expected that answer. It had been five years since Seiji had seen anyone from his family, besides his Oneesan - the only one who knew about his illness.
Seiji talked about wanting to see his grandfather again. And his parents. Even his little sister, who could be in turns annoying and endearing, and who had been heartbroken when he left and refused to see him since.
And then hold a sword again, perhaps. And spar. And then sit in the cool shade of the Date compound trees, in the light of the morning sun shining through the leaves.
And after that? Ryo asked. After you've come home... what?
Seiji was silent.
Ryo started to hate himself for not putting more thought into it. Now that living with Touma and Seiji had become a big part of his daily routines, he had become complacent, had become unaware of what being away from them would do to him.
All of his important possessions, which were not many, had been moved to his room in Touma's apartment. He had become accustomed to waking up very early in the morning and waking up at odd hours of the night to administer medication. And to having someone greet him back with "Good morning" or "Good night", one way or another - with a nod or a smile or the light squeeze of a hand on his wrist.
He had bought a telescope. It was not for him. But for some reason, he had imagined it was going to be part of his life as well.
It felt like there was nothing after all of this.
They had to move quickly; Seiji's disguise wasn't going to keep him safe from the public eye for long. Now that life was breathed back into him, it was easier for any man off the street to recognize him from his TV and magazine interviews. He would normally be able to handle a crowd of admirers, but not when he was in a hurry to see a friend.
The only people in the ICU waiting room were two young people, both looking distraught: Shuu, and a pretty girl with soulful eyes. Ryo knew who she was, even if they had never met: Shin had spoken of her at their last get-together. They both stood when Ryo entered the room.
"Here they are," Shuu said aside to the girl. He strode forward and greeted Ryo with a grim but energetic handshake. Seiji entered the room a few paces behind Ryo and Shuu nodded politely at him, unable to recognize him for a moment.
Then when realization dawned, Shuu froze.
"What - " He looked from Ryo to Seiji and back. "How - "
Seiji took off his dark glasses and brushed his hood back, exposing the unusual bright yellow of his hair. The girl's eyes widened. Anyone could see she recognized him, but was too polite to overtly show her excitement.
"Yoko-san," Seiji said with a bow of greeting. "Shin has said many great things about you. It's good to meet you finally. And Shuu." He turned to his stunned friend with a mirthless smile. "You haven't visited lately. Law school and the restaurants still keeping you busy?"
For a fleeting second Shuu looked like he was deciding whether to laugh looudly and tackle Seiji to the ground or to yell and land him a punch in the face.
In the end he decided to laugh loudly and tackle Seiji into a nearby sofa, exhibiting a bit more presence of mind.
Ryo's impulse was to rush to hold Shuu back, worried he might hurt Seiji. But Seiji laughed and traded insults with his loud, heavy friend as he put up a good fight in their impromptu play wrestle. Shuu got hold of his faculties quickly and was able to pull himself off Seiji before he was able to break something. He pulled Seiji up as well, but the touchy-feely Shuu seemed to have trouble letting his friend go; his rough hands checked Seiji's face and body for signs of damage, while Seiji feigned annoyance and batted him away.
It was just like old times, Ryo noticed, with some surprise. His friends were so casual with each other, so at ease together. Could it always be like this? Could it be just like before?
"Wait, it's just the two of you?" Shuu craned his neck, looked past Ryo and Seiji's heads. "Where's Touma?"
Ryo shrugged. "Not answering his phone again," he reported.
"Why's that guy always off somewhere?" Shuu growled. "We could use him now, he could help us figure this out. The cops said an anonymous caller tipped them off about Shin yesterday. A man."
Seiji and Ryo looked at each other. They were both thinking the same thing. Neither of them said it aloud.
"They thought it was a prank at first, because when the paramedics came to Shin's apartment, the door was locked and no one was answering," Shuu continued. "So they decided to check in with the landlord's help, right? And they saw Shin lying there - right in the middle of the floor, like he just lost balance and fell. Just like that."
"What happened to him?" Ryo was finally able to ask. Shuu grimaced and shook his head.
"Yoko and I don't even know, man. The doctors just said... they said Shin's immune system just stopped working right, and his organs started shutting down. They've never seen anything like it. He's been in and out of intensive care since he got here."
A heavy silence descended on the room while this sank in. Seiji turned very still.
"Damn that Touma," Shuu spat. "He's the doctor, why isn't he here?"
"More important," Seiji interrupted, "why are you here, Yoko-san? Shin told us that you do your research on the field, and that's a bit of a drive from here, isn't it?"
"I was the one the hospital called first," the girl meekly explained. "I volunteered to be Shin-kun's emergency contact while he was living in Tokyo. I already called up Shin-kun's family, and I had Shuu-kun's number, too, so I called him. It turns out he was already in the area."
"I was coming over to visit anyway," Shuu said somewhat absently. Then to Ryo, specifically, he said "I need to talk to you." His voice almost commanded.
"All right," Ryo answered, and allowed himself to be led out of the room by a grip on his arm.
He glanced back over his shoulder at Seiji, who looked worriedly back at him. Realizing that his presence wasn't called for outside the room, he turned to the girl called Yoko with a wan assuring smile, and took over the atmosphere in the waiting room while his two friends vanished from sight.
Shuu's hand remained on Ryo's arm even after they'd turned a corner of the hospital corridor, and they were the only two people around.
"I had a dream last night," he said with uncharacteristic quietness to Ryo. "That's why I took time out to see Shin. It's like... I mean, I don't want to overthink it or anything, but ..."
Ryo laid his free hand on Shuu's shoulder: a gesture of encouragement. "What is it, Shuu?"
Shuu was clearly reluctant to speak. It mattered that this was a person who never hid his feelings very well. "I dreamed... I was standing on a port I don't recognize. An old-style port, you know? With old-style ships. I was me, except... not me. I was wearing this armor from the feudal ages. And there was someone there..."
It wasn't so much the effort of describing as it was the memory itself that troubled Shuu. Ryo could tell this much. He was still trying to figure it out.
"It was Shin. Only... not Shin. I knew it was Shin, but it didn't look like him, and that wasn't the name he went by. He was some fancy-ass military man, I dunno. I just remember he owned the port. I held on to his arm like this." Ryo wondered if the pressure was as urgent as it was in the dream - the pressure of someone telling a dear friend not to leave.
"Then he smiled," Shuu continued. "He said 'I have to do this for him.' I think I was waiting for an answer to something I asked, but he never gave it. He just... left."
It was a sad dream. It may not have seemed so from the way he told it, but Ryo knew his friend well enough to know when he was troubled.
"You know my family, we put a lot of stock in dreams, and things like that," Shuu started to say, but trailed off.
Ryo planted his hands on Shuu's shoulders. "Shuu... Shin's going to get through this. That wasn't a goodbye, that was just a dream. That's all."
Shuu let out a loud sigh. "Yeah," he declared. "Yeah, of course!" He drew himself up with a determined grunt. "This is Shin we're talking about, right?"
Ryo clapped him on the back, glad that his words had some effect. "This is Shin. He'll get through this," he said with finality. And decided not to add Whatever 'this' is.
On their way back, Shuu had asked Ryo not to tell Seiji about the dream. It might disturb him, Shuu said; Seiji could be the superstitious sort, too. How was Seiji doing, by the way? How come he was up and about all of a sudden, as if he hadn't even gotten sick? What was going on?
Ryo simply stated the truth: He didn't know. He did not know what was going on. And Touma was nowhere to be found, so no one could explain - all that had happened to Seiji, and all that was happening to Shin.
All Ryo had to go on was the nagging feeling of something big occurring beneath his scope of vision, and it made him greatly uneasy. Shuu admitted that he felt the same, and he, too, had a hard time identifying if it was a good or bad feeling.
When the two friends got back, an intern was waiting in the room to inform them that Yoko and Seiji were already inside to see Shin - Shin was still not awake, but somewhat stabilized. The intern said "somewhat" because he admitted Shin was behaving erratically - he was not showing the expected responses to the treatments being administered. The doctors were every bit as lost as his friends were.
Ryo and Shuu hurried to join Yoko and Seiji inside the ICU. The four found themselves hovering by Shin's bed like grim angels, unable to take their eyes off him, unable to be anywhere else.
It seemed as if all the color had been wrung out from Shin. His face, his neck, the few parts of him that weren't obscured by tubes and wires and cloth, were a morbid shade of gray. Even his hair, which he was always very careful about, vain as he could be, seemed to be dull and lifeless. It was as if they were looking down not at Shin, but at a drained shell that looked like him.
"This is wrong," Ryo heard Seiji mutter beneath his breath. But Seiji said nothing more, and Ryo didn't feel like drawing it out.
Shin's family and colleagues came to visit later in the day. Ryo, Shuu, Seiji and Yoko made way for the other well-wishers - they needed to take Seiji away from the public eye as well, lest a media circus was suddenly raised over his presence. There seemed to be no end to the people coming in and out of the hospital. Shin's sister had even raised her voice at the doctors, who couldn't adequately explain the cause of her brother's suffering. It was all that Ryo and Shuu could do to assure her everyone was already doing their best.
Shin's four first visitors spent time clustered together in a quieter part of the hospital, hoping that there would be some improvements made during their stay. It turned out that Yoko, Shin's fellow researcher and girlfriend of over a year now, was a huge fan of Seiji's writings. She took up classical literature electives in university, she said, because his novels inspired her so. She knew that Seiji was Shin's close childhood friend, but never even thought to ask Shin to get her an autograph or anything. Her propriety amused Seiji, who'd had to fend off obsessive fangirls since his early teens. Plus, her presence helped wear away some of the tension.
Shuu left the group for a bit to check on Shin. He came back with a puzzled expression on his face. "The hospital said there's someone on the phone for you," he said to Ryo. "Won't say who, but says it's urgent. And confidential. He's called a few times now." His gaze turned sharp, demanding silently to be informed.
In his gut, Ryo knew there was no time to explain. And so did Seiji, it seemed by the way he looked at Ryo pleading Let me come with you.
Ryo smiled and brushed a lock of Seiji's hair from his forehead. The hood he wore fell back a little because of this, and Seiji's violet eyes, large on his skeletal face, shone without mercy. But Ryo didn't have the luxury of time to be defeated by them now...
"Touma?" he greeted.
"Should've gotten you a mobile," the person on the other side replied. The voice sounded ragged, old, almost unrecognizable. "Or at least left a message. Sorry."
"Never mind that," Ryo answered coldly. He wasn't in the mood to be grateful that Touma found a way to get in touch with him, but neither was he in the mood for another fight. "So you know about Shin? You knew we were going to be here? When are you coming by?"
As could be expected, his questions were completely set aside. "Ryo, I need your help. I was hoping I wouldn't, but... you're the only one I can trust now."
Without waiting for Ryo to reply, he started giving instructions - first, he had to bring a car. Any car. He had to go to the freeway, then take these turns to get to this bridge and get to this place by this time of the day. And he had to keep it all a secret.
"Especially from Seiji." He didn't need to say it. Not to Ryo. If there was one person who had to be kept in the dark about Touma's dealings up to the bitter end, it was of course the boy he loved and had been living with for years.
"So what about Seiji," Ryo stated, rather than asked or argued. "I can't just leave him here, Shuu won't know what to do with him in case he relapses. And what about Shin?"
There was a sigh, and a silence at the other end of the line. Ryo envisioned Touma closing his dark blue eyes, composing himself before delivering the one reply that would answer all questions and resolve everything neatly:
"Leave them. Stop wasting time and do as I say."
The answer chilled Ryo. It wasn't something Touma would say, and already it didn't seem like it was the Touma he knew who was speaking to him.
Just as he was gathering his wits to reply, the person at the other end of the line said, in the weariest voice, "I promise, Ryo... it'll be over soon."
Without saying goodbye, Ryo hung up the phone. He knew at the back of his head that wasn't the best way to end the conversation - maybe Touma had more things to say, or maybe there was still some way to ferret out some answers.
But he had not seen Touma in far too long, and he was so very tired of maybes.
If he was going to make it to the place Touma had said, at the hour he'd specified, Ryo only had time to leave a quick apology and some hurried instructions.
He left Seiji in Shuu's care. Shuu was to bring Seiji back to their apartment before dark, and make sure he wasn't going to overstrain himself or miss meals or get discovered by the mass media or do anything especially stupid. Once again he ignored Shuu's demands for an explanation. He only said he was confident Shin was going to be all right, because he had friends and family watching over him. He had his sister, for one thing - and Yoko.
He pressed the keys to Seiji and Touma's apartment in Shuu's hand. "Tell Shin I'm sorry I have to go," he said, then started to stride off.
But Seiji called him back. Ryo did not turn back, but he found himself turning around and waiting while Seiji strode over to him alone, hood pulled down and dark glasses off. There was no one else around, but still - if Ryo were in his right mind, he should have run from that and spared them all the risk.
Ryo was the one who spoke first: "Touma wants me to see him."
If Seiji was surprised, it did not register at all. He continued to hold Ryo's gaze.
"He didn't say why. Or say much else. But he said I shouldn't tell you. And he said I shouldn't take you with me."
Seiji simply stood there, listened, then nodded solemnly.
Ryo almost couldn't bear how calmly Seiji was taking all of this. If he were in Seiji's place, he would be railing. He would be throwing things against walls, threatening people to tell him what the hell was up. Why he was being excluded. Why everything seemed to revolve around him and yet did not involve him in the least.
He supposed... Seiji was just that amazing. And deserving of more than this. More than what Touma was putting him through, certainly. More than everything he'd suffered so far.
Ryo stepped up to Seiji and bowed his head, fixed his gaze on the floor. Seiji lowered his gaze as well and allowed Ryo to approach. At such a close distance, Seiji still seemed so frail, so paperthin.
"Listen," Seiji said softly, "if I know Touma, he's calling for you only because he needs you to do something for him. Something he can't do for himself. He'll trust you to do what he wants." His lips stretched into a smile. "I'll trust you to do what's right."
"Seiji," Ryo said in almost a whisper, "I just want you to know... Touma and I... it's not - "
"Don't," Seiji answered. "You don't have to."
Without looking up, Seiji reached up and for a lingering second, seemed like he was going to touch Ryo's face. But he didn't. His fingers stayed in the air, close to the tips of Ryo's black hair, or the skin on the side of his neck.
And when Seiji put his hand back down, it didn't touch any part of Ryo at all - simply balled loosely into a fist at his side.
"Just remember."
With those as his parting words, Seiji turned and walked back to where Shuu and Yoko were waiting. His back was straight but it still seemed to Ryo as if each step he took was heavy, and took too much from him.
Ryo couldn't stay any longer. If he could not leave now, he could never leave.
(tbc)
i did write two buendia/magallanes ficlets for stationslash (which has not been posted at stationslash ahaha) just to get the kinks out because i haven't written in ages... it turned out to be good warmup. look, i'm working on old WIPs again! ...or something XD i think.
At the Stars
Part 13
Don't tell Shuu I'm coming with you, Seiji instructed - because anything could happen between the front door to their apartment and the hospital. Shuu would worry about me, too, on top of worrying about Shin, and might even leave Shin's side if anything happened.
Ryo said he was sure nothing would happen, but he went along with what Seiji wanted. They had been planning to surprise Shuu anyway - it would just be earlier than they'd expected. He waited for Seiji to finish dressing (there was no need to help him with it this time - it was different, and strange).
Seiji wore a pair of dark glasses and a hooded shirt to hide his hair. It was a haphazard disguise, but it would have to do. Without another word Ryo led him to the car he'd borrowed from Shin.
Ryo drove in silence for the first few minutes. It suddenly felt like there was nothing to say, as if they'd exhausted everything they had to talk about the day before.
...Or as if Seiji was nervous. It may be that he was taking it seriously, this fear that he was going to relapse just as suddenly as he got better.
It wasn't a long drive to the hospital nearest Shin's apartment, however. Thankfully, Seiji spoke first.
"What have you been thinking of doing after... all of this?" he asked softly. "Are you going back to your old job? Your old life? Pretend none of this ever happened?"
"Pretend" was a strong word. Ryo disliked Seiji having to use it.
"To be honest," he answered, "I... I never really thought about it."
But Ryo did think about it. And quite often, in fact, during the first couple of months of his stay in Touma's apartment - when he and Touma still argued, loudly and emotionally, about the arrangements that needed to be made after Seiji was gone.
The very idea of Seiji's passing deeply upset Touma, so Ryo simply quit bringing it up. Unbeknownst to him, he stopped thinking about it, too. He had stopped thinking about how he was going to get back to his old life. If he was going to get a more regular, higher-paying job that would help him recover the savings he had depleted in order to help out. Or if he was going to look up colleagues for exhibits and freelance opportunities and stick with photography, even if it paid little.
He didn't realize it, but he had placed his faith completely in Touma, in his promise that he was doing all he could to save Seiji's life. Now that Touma had succeeded, now that Seiji was all right, just trying to think back to his old concerns tired Ryo out.
What was waiting for him after this...?
He decided to avoid the question by throwing it back. "What about you, Seiji? What've you got planned? A place you'd like to go to, maybe? A new start?"
A mirthless smile touched Seiji's lips. He didn't answer right away. Ryo remembered then that Seiji was not really the energetic, try-new-things type. One start was plenty for him.
"Home. I'd like to go home."
Ryo should have expected that answer. It had been five years since Seiji had seen anyone from his family, besides his Oneesan - the only one who knew about his illness.
Seiji talked about wanting to see his grandfather again. And his parents. Even his little sister, who could be in turns annoying and endearing, and who had been heartbroken when he left and refused to see him since.
And then hold a sword again, perhaps. And spar. And then sit in the cool shade of the Date compound trees, in the light of the morning sun shining through the leaves.
And after that? Ryo asked. After you've come home... what?
Seiji was silent.
Ryo started to hate himself for not putting more thought into it. Now that living with Touma and Seiji had become a big part of his daily routines, he had become complacent, had become unaware of what being away from them would do to him.
All of his important possessions, which were not many, had been moved to his room in Touma's apartment. He had become accustomed to waking up very early in the morning and waking up at odd hours of the night to administer medication. And to having someone greet him back with "Good morning" or "Good night", one way or another - with a nod or a smile or the light squeeze of a hand on his wrist.
He had bought a telescope. It was not for him. But for some reason, he had imagined it was going to be part of his life as well.
It felt like there was nothing after all of this.
They had to move quickly; Seiji's disguise wasn't going to keep him safe from the public eye for long. Now that life was breathed back into him, it was easier for any man off the street to recognize him from his TV and magazine interviews. He would normally be able to handle a crowd of admirers, but not when he was in a hurry to see a friend.
The only people in the ICU waiting room were two young people, both looking distraught: Shuu, and a pretty girl with soulful eyes. Ryo knew who she was, even if they had never met: Shin had spoken of her at their last get-together. They both stood when Ryo entered the room.
"Here they are," Shuu said aside to the girl. He strode forward and greeted Ryo with a grim but energetic handshake. Seiji entered the room a few paces behind Ryo and Shuu nodded politely at him, unable to recognize him for a moment.
Then when realization dawned, Shuu froze.
"What - " He looked from Ryo to Seiji and back. "How - "
Seiji took off his dark glasses and brushed his hood back, exposing the unusual bright yellow of his hair. The girl's eyes widened. Anyone could see she recognized him, but was too polite to overtly show her excitement.
"Yoko-san," Seiji said with a bow of greeting. "Shin has said many great things about you. It's good to meet you finally. And Shuu." He turned to his stunned friend with a mirthless smile. "You haven't visited lately. Law school and the restaurants still keeping you busy?"
For a fleeting second Shuu looked like he was deciding whether to laugh looudly and tackle Seiji to the ground or to yell and land him a punch in the face.
In the end he decided to laugh loudly and tackle Seiji into a nearby sofa, exhibiting a bit more presence of mind.
Ryo's impulse was to rush to hold Shuu back, worried he might hurt Seiji. But Seiji laughed and traded insults with his loud, heavy friend as he put up a good fight in their impromptu play wrestle. Shuu got hold of his faculties quickly and was able to pull himself off Seiji before he was able to break something. He pulled Seiji up as well, but the touchy-feely Shuu seemed to have trouble letting his friend go; his rough hands checked Seiji's face and body for signs of damage, while Seiji feigned annoyance and batted him away.
It was just like old times, Ryo noticed, with some surprise. His friends were so casual with each other, so at ease together. Could it always be like this? Could it be just like before?
"Wait, it's just the two of you?" Shuu craned his neck, looked past Ryo and Seiji's heads. "Where's Touma?"
Ryo shrugged. "Not answering his phone again," he reported.
"Why's that guy always off somewhere?" Shuu growled. "We could use him now, he could help us figure this out. The cops said an anonymous caller tipped them off about Shin yesterday. A man."
Seiji and Ryo looked at each other. They were both thinking the same thing. Neither of them said it aloud.
"They thought it was a prank at first, because when the paramedics came to Shin's apartment, the door was locked and no one was answering," Shuu continued. "So they decided to check in with the landlord's help, right? And they saw Shin lying there - right in the middle of the floor, like he just lost balance and fell. Just like that."
"What happened to him?" Ryo was finally able to ask. Shuu grimaced and shook his head.
"Yoko and I don't even know, man. The doctors just said... they said Shin's immune system just stopped working right, and his organs started shutting down. They've never seen anything like it. He's been in and out of intensive care since he got here."
A heavy silence descended on the room while this sank in. Seiji turned very still.
"Damn that Touma," Shuu spat. "He's the doctor, why isn't he here?"
"More important," Seiji interrupted, "why are you here, Yoko-san? Shin told us that you do your research on the field, and that's a bit of a drive from here, isn't it?"
"I was the one the hospital called first," the girl meekly explained. "I volunteered to be Shin-kun's emergency contact while he was living in Tokyo. I already called up Shin-kun's family, and I had Shuu-kun's number, too, so I called him. It turns out he was already in the area."
"I was coming over to visit anyway," Shuu said somewhat absently. Then to Ryo, specifically, he said "I need to talk to you." His voice almost commanded.
"All right," Ryo answered, and allowed himself to be led out of the room by a grip on his arm.
He glanced back over his shoulder at Seiji, who looked worriedly back at him. Realizing that his presence wasn't called for outside the room, he turned to the girl called Yoko with a wan assuring smile, and took over the atmosphere in the waiting room while his two friends vanished from sight.
Shuu's hand remained on Ryo's arm even after they'd turned a corner of the hospital corridor, and they were the only two people around.
"I had a dream last night," he said with uncharacteristic quietness to Ryo. "That's why I took time out to see Shin. It's like... I mean, I don't want to overthink it or anything, but ..."
Ryo laid his free hand on Shuu's shoulder: a gesture of encouragement. "What is it, Shuu?"
Shuu was clearly reluctant to speak. It mattered that this was a person who never hid his feelings very well. "I dreamed... I was standing on a port I don't recognize. An old-style port, you know? With old-style ships. I was me, except... not me. I was wearing this armor from the feudal ages. And there was someone there..."
It wasn't so much the effort of describing as it was the memory itself that troubled Shuu. Ryo could tell this much. He was still trying to figure it out.
"It was Shin. Only... not Shin. I knew it was Shin, but it didn't look like him, and that wasn't the name he went by. He was some fancy-ass military man, I dunno. I just remember he owned the port. I held on to his arm like this." Ryo wondered if the pressure was as urgent as it was in the dream - the pressure of someone telling a dear friend not to leave.
"Then he smiled," Shuu continued. "He said 'I have to do this for him.' I think I was waiting for an answer to something I asked, but he never gave it. He just... left."
It was a sad dream. It may not have seemed so from the way he told it, but Ryo knew his friend well enough to know when he was troubled.
"You know my family, we put a lot of stock in dreams, and things like that," Shuu started to say, but trailed off.
Ryo planted his hands on Shuu's shoulders. "Shuu... Shin's going to get through this. That wasn't a goodbye, that was just a dream. That's all."
Shuu let out a loud sigh. "Yeah," he declared. "Yeah, of course!" He drew himself up with a determined grunt. "This is Shin we're talking about, right?"
Ryo clapped him on the back, glad that his words had some effect. "This is Shin. He'll get through this," he said with finality. And decided not to add Whatever 'this' is.
On their way back, Shuu had asked Ryo not to tell Seiji about the dream. It might disturb him, Shuu said; Seiji could be the superstitious sort, too. How was Seiji doing, by the way? How come he was up and about all of a sudden, as if he hadn't even gotten sick? What was going on?
Ryo simply stated the truth: He didn't know. He did not know what was going on. And Touma was nowhere to be found, so no one could explain - all that had happened to Seiji, and all that was happening to Shin.
All Ryo had to go on was the nagging feeling of something big occurring beneath his scope of vision, and it made him greatly uneasy. Shuu admitted that he felt the same, and he, too, had a hard time identifying if it was a good or bad feeling.
When the two friends got back, an intern was waiting in the room to inform them that Yoko and Seiji were already inside to see Shin - Shin was still not awake, but somewhat stabilized. The intern said "somewhat" because he admitted Shin was behaving erratically - he was not showing the expected responses to the treatments being administered. The doctors were every bit as lost as his friends were.
Ryo and Shuu hurried to join Yoko and Seiji inside the ICU. The four found themselves hovering by Shin's bed like grim angels, unable to take their eyes off him, unable to be anywhere else.
It seemed as if all the color had been wrung out from Shin. His face, his neck, the few parts of him that weren't obscured by tubes and wires and cloth, were a morbid shade of gray. Even his hair, which he was always very careful about, vain as he could be, seemed to be dull and lifeless. It was as if they were looking down not at Shin, but at a drained shell that looked like him.
"This is wrong," Ryo heard Seiji mutter beneath his breath. But Seiji said nothing more, and Ryo didn't feel like drawing it out.
Shin's family and colleagues came to visit later in the day. Ryo, Shuu, Seiji and Yoko made way for the other well-wishers - they needed to take Seiji away from the public eye as well, lest a media circus was suddenly raised over his presence. There seemed to be no end to the people coming in and out of the hospital. Shin's sister had even raised her voice at the doctors, who couldn't adequately explain the cause of her brother's suffering. It was all that Ryo and Shuu could do to assure her everyone was already doing their best.
Shin's four first visitors spent time clustered together in a quieter part of the hospital, hoping that there would be some improvements made during their stay. It turned out that Yoko, Shin's fellow researcher and girlfriend of over a year now, was a huge fan of Seiji's writings. She took up classical literature electives in university, she said, because his novels inspired her so. She knew that Seiji was Shin's close childhood friend, but never even thought to ask Shin to get her an autograph or anything. Her propriety amused Seiji, who'd had to fend off obsessive fangirls since his early teens. Plus, her presence helped wear away some of the tension.
Shuu left the group for a bit to check on Shin. He came back with a puzzled expression on his face. "The hospital said there's someone on the phone for you," he said to Ryo. "Won't say who, but says it's urgent. And confidential. He's called a few times now." His gaze turned sharp, demanding silently to be informed.
In his gut, Ryo knew there was no time to explain. And so did Seiji, it seemed by the way he looked at Ryo pleading Let me come with you.
Ryo smiled and brushed a lock of Seiji's hair from his forehead. The hood he wore fell back a little because of this, and Seiji's violet eyes, large on his skeletal face, shone without mercy. But Ryo didn't have the luxury of time to be defeated by them now...
"Touma?" he greeted.
"Should've gotten you a mobile," the person on the other side replied. The voice sounded ragged, old, almost unrecognizable. "Or at least left a message. Sorry."
"Never mind that," Ryo answered coldly. He wasn't in the mood to be grateful that Touma found a way to get in touch with him, but neither was he in the mood for another fight. "So you know about Shin? You knew we were going to be here? When are you coming by?"
As could be expected, his questions were completely set aside. "Ryo, I need your help. I was hoping I wouldn't, but... you're the only one I can trust now."
Without waiting for Ryo to reply, he started giving instructions - first, he had to bring a car. Any car. He had to go to the freeway, then take these turns to get to this bridge and get to this place by this time of the day. And he had to keep it all a secret.
"Especially from Seiji." He didn't need to say it. Not to Ryo. If there was one person who had to be kept in the dark about Touma's dealings up to the bitter end, it was of course the boy he loved and had been living with for years.
"So what about Seiji," Ryo stated, rather than asked or argued. "I can't just leave him here, Shuu won't know what to do with him in case he relapses. And what about Shin?"
There was a sigh, and a silence at the other end of the line. Ryo envisioned Touma closing his dark blue eyes, composing himself before delivering the one reply that would answer all questions and resolve everything neatly:
"Leave them. Stop wasting time and do as I say."
The answer chilled Ryo. It wasn't something Touma would say, and already it didn't seem like it was the Touma he knew who was speaking to him.
Just as he was gathering his wits to reply, the person at the other end of the line said, in the weariest voice, "I promise, Ryo... it'll be over soon."
Without saying goodbye, Ryo hung up the phone. He knew at the back of his head that wasn't the best way to end the conversation - maybe Touma had more things to say, or maybe there was still some way to ferret out some answers.
But he had not seen Touma in far too long, and he was so very tired of maybes.
If he was going to make it to the place Touma had said, at the hour he'd specified, Ryo only had time to leave a quick apology and some hurried instructions.
He left Seiji in Shuu's care. Shuu was to bring Seiji back to their apartment before dark, and make sure he wasn't going to overstrain himself or miss meals or get discovered by the mass media or do anything especially stupid. Once again he ignored Shuu's demands for an explanation. He only said he was confident Shin was going to be all right, because he had friends and family watching over him. He had his sister, for one thing - and Yoko.
He pressed the keys to Seiji and Touma's apartment in Shuu's hand. "Tell Shin I'm sorry I have to go," he said, then started to stride off.
But Seiji called him back. Ryo did not turn back, but he found himself turning around and waiting while Seiji strode over to him alone, hood pulled down and dark glasses off. There was no one else around, but still - if Ryo were in his right mind, he should have run from that and spared them all the risk.
Ryo was the one who spoke first: "Touma wants me to see him."
If Seiji was surprised, it did not register at all. He continued to hold Ryo's gaze.
"He didn't say why. Or say much else. But he said I shouldn't tell you. And he said I shouldn't take you with me."
Seiji simply stood there, listened, then nodded solemnly.
Ryo almost couldn't bear how calmly Seiji was taking all of this. If he were in Seiji's place, he would be railing. He would be throwing things against walls, threatening people to tell him what the hell was up. Why he was being excluded. Why everything seemed to revolve around him and yet did not involve him in the least.
He supposed... Seiji was just that amazing. And deserving of more than this. More than what Touma was putting him through, certainly. More than everything he'd suffered so far.
Ryo stepped up to Seiji and bowed his head, fixed his gaze on the floor. Seiji lowered his gaze as well and allowed Ryo to approach. At such a close distance, Seiji still seemed so frail, so paperthin.
"Listen," Seiji said softly, "if I know Touma, he's calling for you only because he needs you to do something for him. Something he can't do for himself. He'll trust you to do what he wants." His lips stretched into a smile. "I'll trust you to do what's right."
"Seiji," Ryo said in almost a whisper, "I just want you to know... Touma and I... it's not - "
"Don't," Seiji answered. "You don't have to."
Without looking up, Seiji reached up and for a lingering second, seemed like he was going to touch Ryo's face. But he didn't. His fingers stayed in the air, close to the tips of Ryo's black hair, or the skin on the side of his neck.
And when Seiji put his hand back down, it didn't touch any part of Ryo at all - simply balled loosely into a fist at his side.
"Just remember."
With those as his parting words, Seiji turned and walked back to where Shuu and Yoko were waiting. His back was straight but it still seemed to Ryo as if each step he took was heavy, and took too much from him.
Ryo couldn't stay any longer. If he could not leave now, he could never leave.
(tbc)