Prepare for MASSIVE DAMAGE!!!!
So, this morning when I woke up, the first thing I thought was:
"Can I miss school today?"
So I sat there, running through all of the collective reasons I should go on and get dressed, when I decided I'd rather slice my own fucking tongue off with a razor blade. It was at that point that I decided a change is seriously needed.
I'm at a point now where I know the limits of all of my capabilities as well as most other people's (the ones that matter anyway). Looking back, the turning point must've been yesterday in English (an English 4 Lit Analysis AP course). Usually, I enjoy English classes because they're the only place where I can be as bitter and callous as I please because most of the reading selections warrant a total blasting of the work. This week, the teacher (who I don't particularly dislike, but has a particular way of making me feel guilty for being such a "downer") decided that she'd start off her Satire part of the course with Swift's Gulliver's Travels. I usually hate any British literature, but seeing as how I'd never actually read through the whole series, I decided I'd give it a shot. I even read aloud during one of the class read-a-longs that my school is so fond of (because they know, even though it's an AP class, most of these fuckers can't read).
Back to the point.
After spending 3 days reading THREE PAGES OF THE ENTIRE STORY, our teacher gives us this bullshit 5th grade KNWL worksheet (the ones where you have to fill in boxes stating "What you already know, what you wish to know, what you want to learn, and finally, what you have learned about the topic"). This is a college level course and we're still doing this bullshit. Even the girl sitting next to me said "This is so easy it's boring."
I got so pissed off and just flat out refused to do the assignment. I guess I must've looked pretty irate because the teacher never once came to ask me why I was just sitting there, doing nothing.
I am ready to move on. Like, foreals now. I can't handle any more of this stagnancy. I need to fucking progress. As sad as it is, I see how the majority of my friends are struggling because of dropping out of High School and don't want that for myself, but it's not necesarily the WORST POSSIBLE SCENARIO everyone likes to make it seem. Sure, it sucks, but it'll like suck for me no matter what I do or where I go. Hardly anything makes me happy anymore and subjecting myself to that High School atmosphere day in and day out is so fucking demoralizing I've lost all faith in life. There's no one I can depend on (truly become dependent upon), aside from Michelle (who has her own struggles and doesn't need me complicating shit) and while I'm not stating that dropping out is the solution, I am stating that even if I do graduate, what the fuck does that accomplish?
A diploma is basically a paper saying "You survived 3-5 years of doing absolutely nothing with your life." Just this year, I've made two teachers cry, make one consider quitting, almost got one fired, and had one transfer me from his class because he couldn't handle my "depressing nature" (to which I say "FUCK YOU!"). Anyone who knows me at Reagan knows I'm so anti-establishment it would be best not to express opinions in my presence because then I would think low of them (oh noes!). I have my whole AP Government class whipped. Even that teacher (who reminds me a lot of David from the JPL except, fucking gay) can't offer really strong opinions that would help some kids in the class learn because I will just make him cry. The point is, being there is doing good for no one. If anything, I'm just becomming more bitter towards people (even people I like) and as a result, bringing everybody else down.
The only thing that's keeping me there is getting that diploma and not letting the system break me. I hate to lose. I really do. If HISD beat me, I don't think I could ever live that down.............hm. Stating that took a lot.
And when I talked to my English teacher, she never argued that most of these kids were not absorbing the information, however miniscule, but argued that "Maybe one will remember something and it'll help them down the line." She claimed she was trying her hardest and thought she was doing a pretty good job. So, to test that theory, I told her to give a random quiz on important events in Animal Farm, something I know everyone in that class has read. Only 4 students, out of 28, passed. And she keeps saying it's the system's fault, it's the system that's screwing everyone over.
What I want to know is when teachers suddenly decided that it would be best to submit without so much as a fight to the whims of the system. Why the fuck are there maps and charts and graphs in English? Who's in the classroom day in and day out? The students and the teacher. Every now and then some higher-up will come in, make the teacher a sudden authoritarian, and it'll become TAKS Review/The TEKS Training Program with no room for any material with substance. Other than those random, once-a-fucking-year check-ups, the room is basically the teacher's domain. So, instead of force feeding that uninformative useless bullshit to everyone, how about blowing off what those figureheads are telling you to do and actually teaching? I'm sure the students, as dumb as they may be, will accept something a little more interesting than "How does the author feel about Hamlet in this passage?"
Know what?
FUCK SHAKESPEARE.
He can lick my sweaty gooch and then choke on the pubes for all I care.
While we're at it, fuck Chaucer too. The only cool thing we've done this whole year was Wilde's Dorian Gray, and that's just because I found it on the list of HISD approved suggested reading. Sure, most of the class didn't understand a lot, but they all agreed that they liked the book (an abridged version, but whatev, you take what you can get). They all learned about homosexuality and had to deal with it. Suddenly, something interesting was added to the class and they took an interest in it and our teacher learned that if you present something interesting, the kids will actually seem interested. Imagine that.
She's begged me plenty of times to help her teach the class, but I don't have the patience for that. Don't have the patience for much anymore. Been subjected to so much bullshit I'll get bitchy with people if I even detect it coming on (thus the incident with Michelle in the car while on the way to eat).
Now I'm just rambling. Here's the only way I've come up with to properly end this rant:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWit8ckPkxg
Bollywood is so awesome. Here are the lyrics just incase you're interested in what the fuck he's saying.
Goli maaaaaaar… goli maar!
Goli mar-mar-mar-mar-mar-mar-(mar)...
Goli mar-mar-mar-mar-mar-(mar).....
Kashno rau kaugileste yenche staavooo…
Ne pali manta meste yee maltovooo.....
Kandaru padda kane shungaa.. raamaaaa…
Valkunga guda yesta vaya raamaaa…
Goli maar!
Goli.. mar-mar-mar-mar-(mar)....
Rrrrrgrrryyaaaaayaaaaa!
Puttan gane!
Matte koye!
Kutte chan taan vaaste…
Muttu ta taa lantee…
Alla e potaabe anno luuu....
Balla ma ti che staaro…
Alla lika ti staaro....
Unna ma ti poya ka!
Uuhu paata restaaro..
Ouuu.. iltii baltii pubantii…
Ouuu.. shaaltii shantii womchantii..
Ruddem, rouddem, ririim saa..
Murkam burdam mumuur-shaa…
KILLEEER-Killeer-Killeer-killeer…
KILLEEER-Killeer-Killeer…
Goli maar!
Goli maar-maar-maar-maar-maar-maar-(maar)...
KILLEEER-Killeer-Killeer-killeer…
KILLEEER-Killeer-killeer…
Muttan gane!
Nitte koye!
Korvi da yaa laaste…
Kongu lan tuu kuunte..
Challa re dagda go ii puuduuu..
Cheta vadi chestaaro..
Kordii merda kostaaro..
Shma shanala viduyo..
Isha chaalu partaaro…
Ouu, naari, ghyaari.. vayaari..
Ouu, tagga, kaali, kankaadi!
Tiivruum, tiindruum dibdrug shaa..
Munduu vinuka parik shaa..
KILLEEER-Killeer-Killeer-killeer…
KILLEEER-Killeer-Killeer…
Goli maar!
Goli maar-maar-maar-maar-maar....
Goli maar-maar-maar-maar-maar-(maar)....
Kashno rau kaugileste enche stavooo…
Ne pali manta meste ye maltovooo.....
Kandaru padda kane shungaa.. raamaaaa…
Valkunga guda yesta vaya raamaaa…
Gooli maar! ... maar-maar-maar-maar-maar-(maar)....
Ayyyeeeeeeee!!!!! (<-- screams girl)