Shit My Boyfriend Says (When He’s Asleep)
On Sunday morning as I was getting out of bed, John turned to me and thanked me.
“For what?” I asked.
“For eating the limbs of starving children.” He then rolled back over and started snoring.
Part of me was confused, the other part amused. This isn’t an unusual occurrence - we can often have 15 minute conversations before I realize he’s asleep. Sometimes he’s completely coherent, but sometimes (like this time) what he says makes no sense at all. It’s at these times that I can’t help but wake him up from laughing so hard.
Over the years there have been quite a few gems. My favourite ones include:
Photo by ddrccl.
- “That’s an awesome dog riding a Segway.” This was one of the first things that I heard John say in his sleep. We couldn’t figure out what on earth he was dreaming about, but decided that ANY dog that could ride on a Segway would be automatically awesome. (Maybe more awesome than this chimpanzee?)
- “I’m not a millipede. I’m not a centipede. I’m a humanpede.” I’m not entirely sure if he was trying to say that he was a human being or a human centipede, but I certainly hope he wasn’t dreaming about being part of a human centipede. I can’t imagine that that would be a very pleasant dream at all.
- “Don’t shave your butt. I won’t shave mine. Or else you’ll have a stubble butt, stubble stubble stubble butt.” This one occurred when John had a bit of a fascination with that horrible Bubble Butt. The video was done by Eric Wareheim of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! fame (which John happens to find HILARIOUS) - this probably explains exactly why I’m not a big fan of the video.
There are many more, but these ones are by far my favourites. John’s sleep talking certainly keep me amused and gives me ammunition for counter teasing when needed.
Do you or your S.O. talk while sleeping?
Originally published at Once Upon A Bookshelf. Please leave any comments there.