(no subject)
"I don't want this moment to ever end
Where everything's nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you."
I resist change. I always have and it makes things difficult, especially being in college.. Everything changes, or has changed, so rapidly in the past few years. Flings, career plans, etc. I was laying in bed today thinking abut it.
The night after finals week, after we had come home from celebrating, Rachel and I were talking and she bluntly turned & said "I like being happy." It got me thinking. I'm in love with Iowa City. I can't imagine being anywhere else, or going to school at a different university. It's become home. I had the most amazing junior year.. Crazy parties, awesome grades, amazing memories with friends I'm so glad I met. But naturally, something in the back of mind was dragging me down. Everyone from home moved on and found themselves in new relationships. Why was it so difficult for the two of us to give up on the past? We resisted and resisted forever. Any sign of affection from the opposite sex was instantly written off as them being clingy and we found any excuse possible to not get serious with someone. This boy even asked me who it was that had hurt me so badly in the past because I was so hesitant to trust him. We purposely set ourselves up with boys we knew were wrong for us because then it couldn't possibly work out. That's not to say it took over our lives or anything like that, it just was always in the back of our minds.. Whenever someone started to get too close, we bolted it. It was so healthy of us..
So I let go. It was bittersweet, but it needed to happen. We're not stupid scene kids running around in quarries anymore, and neither Rachel nor I could keep pretending home was the same and that things hadn't changed. My dad always tells me "the real world deals in facts." Facts are, we both deserve to be happy.
It's made all the difference. Summer's been better than I could have ever imagined. I honestly thought I'd be homesick, but I'm not. Syd, Furg & Sean have become like a little family to me here. Hilary & Kendle are back in town so our laying out days are sure to resume soon. Everyone, everyone has been so great. Bonfires, slip n' slides, Fieldhouse, movie nights, tornados haha.. It's been perfect. I started working at the radio station; I'm writing a little weekly article for the website which I'm totally stoked about. It's nothing big, but I love the atmosphere. My management class is going well. Duane & Dylon were in town the other night. It was nice to see familiar faces from home! I get to see Rach n' Kel & my family soon.. Things are good. I even started kind of seeing someone very sweet against my better judgment. Haha, :) He has a terrible, terrible taste in music but, I think I'll keep him around for awhile. I find myself thinking about him like crazy. It caught me so off guard. We'll see what happens, I guess. I love hearing about Mark. As judgmental as I was at first, I'm really glad Rachel found someone that makes me her smile. As a best friend, someone that makes her happy is all I can as for.
Sydney and I carried out foo the other day and ate on the steps of the old capitol overlooking our campus and it was then that it really hit me. I am really, truly happy for the first time in awhile. I let too many people affect my life and decisions these past years, I'm done being that girl. I hope this feeling stays around.
Where everything's nothing without you
I'll wait here forever just to see you smile
'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you."
I resist change. I always have and it makes things difficult, especially being in college.. Everything changes, or has changed, so rapidly in the past few years. Flings, career plans, etc. I was laying in bed today thinking abut it.
The night after finals week, after we had come home from celebrating, Rachel and I were talking and she bluntly turned & said "I like being happy." It got me thinking. I'm in love with Iowa City. I can't imagine being anywhere else, or going to school at a different university. It's become home. I had the most amazing junior year.. Crazy parties, awesome grades, amazing memories with friends I'm so glad I met. But naturally, something in the back of mind was dragging me down. Everyone from home moved on and found themselves in new relationships. Why was it so difficult for the two of us to give up on the past? We resisted and resisted forever. Any sign of affection from the opposite sex was instantly written off as them being clingy and we found any excuse possible to not get serious with someone. This boy even asked me who it was that had hurt me so badly in the past because I was so hesitant to trust him. We purposely set ourselves up with boys we knew were wrong for us because then it couldn't possibly work out. That's not to say it took over our lives or anything like that, it just was always in the back of our minds.. Whenever someone started to get too close, we bolted it. It was so healthy of us..
So I let go. It was bittersweet, but it needed to happen. We're not stupid scene kids running around in quarries anymore, and neither Rachel nor I could keep pretending home was the same and that things hadn't changed. My dad always tells me "the real world deals in facts." Facts are, we both deserve to be happy.
It's made all the difference. Summer's been better than I could have ever imagined. I honestly thought I'd be homesick, but I'm not. Syd, Furg & Sean have become like a little family to me here. Hilary & Kendle are back in town so our laying out days are sure to resume soon. Everyone, everyone has been so great. Bonfires, slip n' slides, Fieldhouse, movie nights, tornados haha.. It's been perfect. I started working at the radio station; I'm writing a little weekly article for the website which I'm totally stoked about. It's nothing big, but I love the atmosphere. My management class is going well. Duane & Dylon were in town the other night. It was nice to see familiar faces from home! I get to see Rach n' Kel & my family soon.. Things are good. I even started kind of seeing someone very sweet against my better judgment. Haha, :) He has a terrible, terrible taste in music but, I think I'll keep him around for awhile. I find myself thinking about him like crazy. It caught me so off guard. We'll see what happens, I guess. I love hearing about Mark. As judgmental as I was at first, I'm really glad Rachel found someone that makes me her smile. As a best friend, someone that makes her happy is all I can as for.
Sydney and I carried out foo the other day and ate on the steps of the old capitol overlooking our campus and it was then that it really hit me. I am really, truly happy for the first time in awhile. I let too many people affect my life and decisions these past years, I'm done being that girl. I hope this feeling stays around.