I might be showing up again.
It's been a long time since I've posted here. A long time since I've even read posts. Since Josh died I haven't had the desire to connect. I have a difficult time letting down walls to share anything. And now I think I might be ready to start again. Maybe slowly. Maybe just the light stuff. But reconnecting with my life and my friends feels important.
I've started finally to feel like staying at work and making the money that I need to to stay afloat and somewhat independent. For awhile I have just been wanting to get out of the clinic as soon as whatever the minimal work was done. It feels ok to stay longer, to be more present. I have requested fewer days off and the days I have requested off are for important things.
I'm seeing a therapist who speaks a similar language to mine when discussing emotions, spirituality, life. I'm working 12 Steps in the form of Adult Children of Alcoholics (and other dysfunctional family). I'm beginning to attend Survivors of Suicide meetings to help process the grief that really I am still pretty numb to. All of this is emotionally challenging and also highly rewarding, if not right now it will be in the future.
I'm back in relationship with coyoteo and that seems to be going fairly well. Living apart is probably helpful. Although we spend most nights together, I still have my space and he has his. I've had to eat some humble pie because I have said things about him and about our relationship previously which may or may not be true. Accepting responsibility for my issues and behavior is challenging (see preceding paragraph) and may change all the dynamics of our relationship. Time will tell.
I'm going to the YMCA on a regular basis for yoga and the arthritis water exercise class and swimming laps. I'm actually going to volunteer or get on staff there so I can get certified and teach a class. Fun. And the yoga feels GREAT!
Today I took my bike out and found, over a mile from home, that I had two flat tires. I lost $10 twith which I had planned to purchase a lock to secure by bicycle at the Y. I panhandled 75 cents to buy air at the gas station but turns out I have the Presto (?) air thingies and the regular fillers won't work anyway. I gave the generous young woman her money back and walked the few blocks to the Y. I parked the unsecured bicycle against the window of the room where the yoga class meets and put my mat right on the other side of the glass, so it was safe. The yoga class was just what I needed to pull away from the stress just before attending. And then I walked home. It wasn't a horrible walk. I do have this thing about walking a bicycle though, that's just WRONG! Now I'm home and hungry and somewhat energized. Trader Joe's Indian food awaits me, good tea, and maybe cleaning the house a bit before a chat date with ACA friends from across the country! :)
So that's my life right now. :)
I've started finally to feel like staying at work and making the money that I need to to stay afloat and somewhat independent. For awhile I have just been wanting to get out of the clinic as soon as whatever the minimal work was done. It feels ok to stay longer, to be more present. I have requested fewer days off and the days I have requested off are for important things.
I'm seeing a therapist who speaks a similar language to mine when discussing emotions, spirituality, life. I'm working 12 Steps in the form of Adult Children of Alcoholics (and other dysfunctional family). I'm beginning to attend Survivors of Suicide meetings to help process the grief that really I am still pretty numb to. All of this is emotionally challenging and also highly rewarding, if not right now it will be in the future.
I'm back in relationship with coyoteo and that seems to be going fairly well. Living apart is probably helpful. Although we spend most nights together, I still have my space and he has his. I've had to eat some humble pie because I have said things about him and about our relationship previously which may or may not be true. Accepting responsibility for my issues and behavior is challenging (see preceding paragraph) and may change all the dynamics of our relationship. Time will tell.
I'm going to the YMCA on a regular basis for yoga and the arthritis water exercise class and swimming laps. I'm actually going to volunteer or get on staff there so I can get certified and teach a class. Fun. And the yoga feels GREAT!
Today I took my bike out and found, over a mile from home, that I had two flat tires. I lost $10 twith which I had planned to purchase a lock to secure by bicycle at the Y. I panhandled 75 cents to buy air at the gas station but turns out I have the Presto (?) air thingies and the regular fillers won't work anyway. I gave the generous young woman her money back and walked the few blocks to the Y. I parked the unsecured bicycle against the window of the room where the yoga class meets and put my mat right on the other side of the glass, so it was safe. The yoga class was just what I needed to pull away from the stress just before attending. And then I walked home. It wasn't a horrible walk. I do have this thing about walking a bicycle though, that's just WRONG! Now I'm home and hungry and somewhat energized. Trader Joe's Indian food awaits me, good tea, and maybe cleaning the house a bit before a chat date with ACA friends from across the country! :)
So that's my life right now. :)