(no subject)
***JUST A HEADS UP! I WROTE THIS, THEN WENT TO SPELL CHECK IT, THEN GOT SLEEPY, AND DECIDED NOT TO CHECK FOR SPELLING. SO HAVE FUN!!!***
I was just thinking about how the saddest times in my life always seem to float around holidays... I don't know why or how... I guess it's just the thoughts that run through my head at those time... like the idea that all the happieness around these holidays, all the joy on peoples faces is just that only "on their faces" it's surface level. A skin deep expression held out for the world to see as if to say, "Look holiday=happieness and because you are happy I will be happy!" yet all the while inside they are consumed with their life long or day-to-day problems. I never was much for masking sorrow with a bright smiling face just so I can fit in. now don't get me wrong... there have been times when my life seemed like a personal hell and yet I still sported a smile. But this was to protect the interest of people or to make sure I didn't ruin someones event or day. But when it comes to holidays it makes my alone times even more depressing. First off my personallity type hates being alone anyway so when I am it's usually not a good thing. but when I have enough time to meditate on the masks others ware to hide their pain and also the pain I've buaried deep within me it becomes extremely cold... not only physicly cold but it feels like my very some has lost warmth. So I must make it a custom to have a constant prayer for joy. not holiday joy, but the joy that can only come from the holy ghost. I went through all that to say that I've started this prayer a few days ago and now that it is Memorial day weekend, I have kept my spirits high and have not wavered in my happieness. And there is a bonus... Laura is coming over tonight! haha sorry I just had to throw that in there somewhere... you may go gage now if you would like...
Anywho I would just like to thank all those who have been praying for me... Believe me I need it... And Joy, tell your mother thank you. For some reason I just know without a doubt that she was not just thossing up a little prayer for me every now and then but has poured her whole heart into it. Don't ask me how I know that cause I really don't know how I do either it's just a feeling I've got. Oh and thank you in advance to all those who read this and start praying for me you guys all ROCK my face off!!!
Love,
jerk face!
P.S. If for some reason you don't believe that I get extremely emo during holidays check out my post on Saturday, December 25, 2004 @ 10:42 AM... and hey even if u do believe me check it out just for the purpose of reading JEN'S comment. (I put "JEN'S" in bold and underlined it cause I know she would never read this far down into a large entry like this with out a big hook type word. hehe)
I was just thinking about how the saddest times in my life always seem to float around holidays... I don't know why or how... I guess it's just the thoughts that run through my head at those time... like the idea that all the happieness around these holidays, all the joy on peoples faces is just that only "on their faces" it's surface level. A skin deep expression held out for the world to see as if to say, "Look holiday=happieness and because you are happy I will be happy!" yet all the while inside they are consumed with their life long or day-to-day problems. I never was much for masking sorrow with a bright smiling face just so I can fit in. now don't get me wrong... there have been times when my life seemed like a personal hell and yet I still sported a smile. But this was to protect the interest of people or to make sure I didn't ruin someones event or day. But when it comes to holidays it makes my alone times even more depressing. First off my personallity type hates being alone anyway so when I am it's usually not a good thing. but when I have enough time to meditate on the masks others ware to hide their pain and also the pain I've buaried deep within me it becomes extremely cold... not only physicly cold but it feels like my very some has lost warmth. So I must make it a custom to have a constant prayer for joy. not holiday joy, but the joy that can only come from the holy ghost. I went through all that to say that I've started this prayer a few days ago and now that it is Memorial day weekend, I have kept my spirits high and have not wavered in my happieness. And there is a bonus... Laura is coming over tonight! haha sorry I just had to throw that in there somewhere... you may go gage now if you would like...
Anywho I would just like to thank all those who have been praying for me... Believe me I need it... And Joy, tell your mother thank you. For some reason I just know without a doubt that she was not just thossing up a little prayer for me every now and then but has poured her whole heart into it. Don't ask me how I know that cause I really don't know how I do either it's just a feeling I've got. Oh and thank you in advance to all those who read this and start praying for me you guys all ROCK my face off!!!
Love,
jerk face!
P.S. If for some reason you don't believe that I get extremely emo during holidays check out my post on Saturday, December 25, 2004 @ 10:42 AM... and hey even if u do believe me check it out just for the purpose of reading JEN'S comment. (I put "JEN'S" in bold and underlined it cause I know she would never read this far down into a large entry like this with out a big hook type word. hehe)