to continue... "In the list of ADL’s she is able to: brush her teeth, shop, cook, shave, eat, use the phone, pay bills, manage medications, and often get out of bed and into her chair independently." colon can be there, it's not necessary, but it could work either way "She is confined to a wheelchair for the most part due to unsteady-ness/ occational weakness, but has almost full ROM." again, the acronym, define in first use. unsteady-ness->unsteadiness, occational->occasional "Some of the difficulties she might have as far as sleep are that she probably has to wear a depends to bed due to her incontinence, this might make it more difficult for her to fall to sleep sometimes, due to this she may not feel rested upon waking." capitalize Depends as a brand, or use a more generalized term. new sentence or colon between "sometimes" and "due to this" "Because of her paralysis from the waist down her lower extremities might cramp up during the night making it difficult for her to fall asleep." if she's paralyzed from the waist down, wouldn't that be another reason she's confined to a wheelchair? possibly if you want, a comma between "night" and "making" "She occasionally drinks alcohol, but not that often, mostly when she is around her friends as it is a social thing for her." instead of "not that often", "not very often" is works better grammatically, since there isn't an antecedent for the "that". comma after "friends". not sure what to do about the part between "often" and "mostly".... colon? new sentence? same as it is? leaning towards a colon.... "Functionally, she is fairly independent, she needs a little bit of help with some things, but for the most part can function almost completely independently." is this your conclusion sentence, the end of the paper? make it a bit more conclusive. you say essentially "she is mostly independent functionally" at both ends of the sentence in the same language. i would replace the first bit, "Functionally, she is fairly independent" with something along the lines of "although", and then add another sentence at the end that ties the paper together more.
overall, very good! i'm sorry if that all sounded critical, most of it's very small things, and i'm incredibly picky sometimes, nothing personal at all :) it's a very informative, well-written paper. i knew pretty much nothing about spina bifida, except that it wasn't good, before i read this, and because of the amount of information and the clear way you presented it, it was very easy to see the different things that go wrong, and what complications they cause, and the functional assessment and the comments from the girl you interviewed gave a more personal context than straight facts.
houray for gina!! if you don't get an A on this, then your prof is dumb.
Picky is good, and I didn't take any offence, I asked you to read it for me and that is what you did. lol, I would have been very sad if you didn't say what you did. Thank you so much! You have no idea how much I appreciate it. ttyl!
Btw, when do you come home? If you let me know now I might be able to pick you up at the train station... good luck if I don't talk to you before finals, and Thanks so much again!
"In the list of ADL’s she is able to: brush her teeth, shop, cook, shave, eat, use the phone, pay bills, manage medications, and often get out of bed and into her chair independently." colon can be there, it's not necessary, but it could work either way
"She is confined to a wheelchair for the most part due to unsteady-ness/ occational weakness, but has almost full ROM." again, the acronym, define in first use. unsteady-ness->unsteadiness, occational->occasional
"Some of the difficulties she might have as far as sleep are that she probably has to wear a depends to bed due to her incontinence, this might make it more difficult for her to fall to sleep sometimes, due to this she may not feel rested upon waking." capitalize Depends as a brand, or use a more generalized term. new sentence or colon between "sometimes" and "due to this"
"Because of her paralysis from the waist down her lower extremities might cramp up during the night making it difficult for her to fall asleep." if she's paralyzed from the waist down, wouldn't that be another reason she's confined to a wheelchair? possibly if you want, a comma between "night" and "making"
"She occasionally drinks alcohol, but not that often, mostly when she is around her friends as it is a social thing for her." instead of "not that often", "not very often" is works better grammatically, since there isn't an antecedent for the "that". comma after "friends". not sure what to do about the part between "often" and "mostly".... colon? new sentence? same as it is? leaning towards a colon....
"Functionally, she is fairly independent, she needs a little bit of help with some things, but for the most part can function almost completely independently." is this your conclusion sentence, the end of the paper? make it a bit more conclusive. you say essentially "she is mostly independent functionally" at both ends of the sentence in the same language. i would replace the first bit, "Functionally, she is fairly independent" with something along the lines of "although", and then add another sentence at the end that ties the paper together more.
overall, very good! i'm sorry if that all sounded critical, most of it's very small things, and i'm incredibly picky sometimes, nothing personal at all :) it's a very informative, well-written paper. i knew pretty much nothing about spina bifida, except that it wasn't good, before i read this, and because of the amount of information and the clear way you presented it, it was very easy to see the different things that go wrong, and what complications they cause, and the functional assessment and the comments from the girl you interviewed gave a more personal context than straight facts.
houray for gina!! if you don't get an A on this, then your prof is dumb.
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Btw, when do you come home? If you let me know now I might be able to pick you up at the train station... good luck if I don't talk to you before finals, and Thanks so much again!
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