(no subject)
I was going to describe my coworkers in this entry, but now I don't feel like it. I have conflicted feelings on them at the moment, and today, I was unusually stupid and incompetent at work, so I dont want to dwell on that.
I think my grandfather's death has become harder to deal with over time. I had thought it would go in the opposite direction. Instead, I'm more aware of death and that it will happen to everyone, with or without warning. I'm scared. At night, I cry more and sleep less. When I sleep, I have more nightmares. Recently, I woke up crying, convinced that someone close to me had been killed in a terrorist attack. They hadn't, but I realized that I'd dreamed the same dream about the same person weeks before, making it eerily realistic.
It seems strange to say, but I think my parents' marriage has grown stronger. I see my parents cuddling more, holding hands more, taking walks together more often. My dad's father died when he was in college. I never knew much about that, but I overhear them talking more about my dad's father's death too. I'm glad to see my dad in a comforting role. I'm more used to bonding with him through intellect: Torah study, political discussions, math problems, Jeopardy questions, foreign language, Monopoly strategies...than through emotions. I haven't spoken with Dad or Mom about my feelings since like the day or two after my grandfather died. But I'm glad they have each other.
I think my grandfather's death has become harder to deal with over time. I had thought it would go in the opposite direction. Instead, I'm more aware of death and that it will happen to everyone, with or without warning. I'm scared. At night, I cry more and sleep less. When I sleep, I have more nightmares. Recently, I woke up crying, convinced that someone close to me had been killed in a terrorist attack. They hadn't, but I realized that I'd dreamed the same dream about the same person weeks before, making it eerily realistic.
It seems strange to say, but I think my parents' marriage has grown stronger. I see my parents cuddling more, holding hands more, taking walks together more often. My dad's father died when he was in college. I never knew much about that, but I overhear them talking more about my dad's father's death too. I'm glad to see my dad in a comforting role. I'm more used to bonding with him through intellect: Torah study, political discussions, math problems, Jeopardy questions, foreign language, Monopoly strategies...than through emotions. I haven't spoken with Dad or Mom about my feelings since like the day or two after my grandfather died. But I'm glad they have each other.