(no subject)
There was a lot that I was planning on writing about but I always seem to get caught up in something so I never update all that frequently. But long story short, Israel is starting to come together. I was “pre-accepted” to the program starting in February so if I expedite the rest of my application, I should be able to go. Most of this shouldn’t be a problem. I think I can get Patti to write me a recommendation really fast (threw in a donation too for good measure!) and Muhlenberg registrar is happy to overnight my transcript if I pay them enough, most of the other stuff is just photocopies of passport, diploma, etc. There is, actually, just one of the application process that’s going to be problematic.
The medical forms. There is a physical examination and section that must be completed and signed by a doctor saying that you are physically fit enough to go to Israel for five months.
I have not been to a doctor since I was seventeen and I’m twenty-two. If I had it my way, I would have stopped going when I was fourteen or fifteen (I don’t really remember, but I think that’s how old I was) and I’d never go ever again, except to hold my children’s hands when they get shots and stuff. I told Mom that once the schools stopped requiring physicals, I was never going back. Mom, who stopped going to doctor for eleven years after my brother was born, couldn’t really say much in response, even though she has no idea why I dislike them so much.
But anyway, aside from the fact that the thought of a doctor’s examination still turns my stomach, because I haven’t seen one in so long, I don’t even know how to get a doctor’s appointment even if I wanted to. Like how far in advance do you have to call up to get one, or is it kind of like a nail salon where you can just kind of walk in and get a pedicure? How do you pay for one? I mean, I suppose I have some form of health insurance because they take a chunk of my paycheck for it, but I paid no attention during new employee orientation because I knew I’d have no reason to use it. But perhaps the even bigger question is whom do I even go to? I certainly don’t remember the name of whomever I went to last and chances are I’m too old to go back there anyway and I’m not about to go shopping for a new doctor whom I don’t even want to visit anyway.
I think I might be complicating this too much. In order to go on this Israel program, I don’t really need a physical exam. I need a doctor to check off the little boxes on the physical exam sheet, sign, date, and stamp the form so I can mail it in, because with applicants from all over the US, Europe, Australia, and everywhere else, the organizers of the program are not really going to inquire into whether little ole Nadine from Flemington, New Jersey actually got examined by a doctor. So really, I just need to find a busy, dishonest and unfriendly doctor (willing to take a small bribe perhaps?) so I can get his/her signature. Given that I live in a small town, which they always say are supposed to be filled with dishonest people, it shouldn’t be terribly difficult to find one.
Except I’m so naïve and sheltered I have no idea how to find a dishonest doctor.
Larisa, usually my source for enlightening my incredible naivety, was not the person to tell this to, because she immediately flipped out and was like, Dude, you need to go, and even tried to appeal to our daughters-of-Merck-employees solidarity by saying how I can still get the Guardasil shot for free (actually, if they were willing to just shoot it into me sans exam, I’d do it because shots and needles don’t bother me, but I don’t think it works like that…). I tried to appeal to her easy-way-out nature by saying that really, I just need someone who went to med school to check off the boxes, but it didn’t work.
The irony of all of this is that I’m surrounded by doctors. There’s half a billion of them at shul but they’re too honest and far too gossipy for my purposes (synagogue gossip, actually, is why I am convinced that the confidentiality of medical records is a complete myth, but that’s another story). And I talk to doctors every single day at my job, but obviously I can’t get them to fill out this form for me.
I was going to add more details that no one cares about, but I think I’ll just go home.
Suggestions welcomed. And if you know any doctors willing to sign a form and not examine me, please give me their email address so I can send the form…