FIC: At the Beginning [Yunho/Junsu]
at the beginning
yunho/junsu; 9,300
PG
written for the nuna_fanworks holiday fic exchange '09. beta'd by kallistei. ♥
There are random things Yunho remembers about the first time he met Kim Junsu. Mostly because it happened only yesterday. The light in the middle of the ceiling kept flickering and Heechul was in the corner putting tiny ponytails all over Kangin's head while he napped. Junsu had been wearing black sneakers that scuffed streaks on the already scratched-up floor and an oversized sweatshirt that nearly reached his knees. He also remembers the way Junsu moved and how none of the contests he won before then meant anything because he could never do the things he saw in a million years. For Junsu, it was effortless.
For Yunho, it was just another reminder of what his competition was and how far away and impossible his goal seemed.
"Rest easy, peasant! I have arrived, so put that ugly brooding face away."
Yunho looks up in time to see Heechul drop into the seat across from him. The booths in this restaurant are small and he winces when Heechul's knees jab his. "I'm not brooding."
Heechul points a finger at him without taking his eyes off the menu. Yunho doesn't know why he bothers looking when he orders the same thing every time. "You're not in the present sense because as I explained, I'm here now to save the day," he says. "But you were brooding." The server comes by and Heechul gives his order - jajangmyeon, the only thing any of them ever get -- plus a wink.
"Okay, you need to stop doing that to the male servers here," Yunho says, trying to hide his face with his sleeve even though he's been here for half an hour already. "It's the closest place to our apartment and has the cheapest noodles. The last thing we need is for you to get us banned for sexual harassment."
"You're confused," Heechul says as he checks his reflection in the can turned chopstick-holder. "It brightens their day."
"It creeps them out and I am not letting you take away one of my major food suppliers just because you have a lazy eye."
"Why are you so cranky?" Heechul says. "Is it because of that new guy? It's because of that new guy, isn't it?"
"What? No."
"Okay, great, it's the new guy." The side dishes come, leaving Heechul silent for a while as he inhales some pickled radish, but Yunho doesn't butt in because he's found it's just better to keep his mouth shut. "So what's his story that offends your delicate sensibilities so much? Stripper mom, pimp dad? Don't keep the gossip to yourself."
"I'm going to make you pay for this lunch as a fine for being a dumbass."
Heechul rolls his eyes and says, "Seriously, what's wrong with him?" His noodles arrive and he stirs them furiously, splattering some sauce onto the table. "Just spit it out 'cause I'm not hanging out with you if you're going to be Mopey McMoperson for longer than the next thirty seconds."
"I don't have a problem with him and I'm not moping!" Yunho puffs his cheeks out and crushes the soggy leaves in his teacup with the end of his chopstick. "Anyway, he isn't new. I heard him and that skinny kid he's glued to have been here for almost a year."
"Shut up. They're like, babies still."
"Well, I heard Coach Yeong say it."
"Doesn't that make them our seniors?" Heechul says with his mouth full, then pauses mid-chew. "Well, damn. Not only am I old, but I have to answer to toddlers. You might as well castrate me."
"Are you asking?"
Heechul makes a face at Yunho. "So what'd you call me here for anyway if it wasn't to talk about the not-new kid?"
"Oh, um." Yunho fidgets in his seat and scratches the back of his head. "Wanted to ask you for a... small.... favor. Tiny. Miniscule."
"Sure. What is it?"
"Can I come live with you?" Heechul freezes and stares at Yunho, leaving a long string of noodles swaying from his chopsticks. "... Is that a yes?"
"Small favor," is all Heechul says, the noodles falling back into his bowl with a pathetic plop. Yunho would feel bad for his deception were he talking to anyone but Heechul, the man who chased his last girlfriend away with his dumb antics. "That isn't a small favor. A small favor would be something like 'hey Heechul, most awesome person on the planet, I have another mousey person in my life that I must get rid of, lend me your expertise.'"
"You're the only person who thought she was mousey!"
Heechul rolls his eyes. "Everyone thought she was mousey," he says. "Anyway, regarding your 'small favor'--", he makes small air quotes, "-- no can do. It'd be fine if you asked me a week ago, but I guess there's this kid coming from China in a few days and the big guy volunteered my living space for sharing."
"Why? You don't even know where China is," Yunho says. The remark earns him a piece of kimchi to the face. He peels it off with disgust, but eats it still.
"I am very cosmopolitan. And painfully altruistic," Heechul says, swiping up some sauce with his finger before licking it clean lewdly. "So much so that I will ask Kangin if he has space for you on your behalf."
"Thanks. Hey, I'll pay for lunch instead."
"Or I could still and you could tell me why the new kid makes you so emo." Heechul grins and wags his eyebrows suggestively, which is something that made Yunho incredibly uncomfortable back when they first met, but now he's learned to ignore it the same way he tunes out the static when he uses his old CD player.
Right now, though, it is a little irritating especially because all his attempts to derail from the truth - which is that the presence of Kim Junsu does irk him a little - have failed. "I just don't like him for some reason, okay? That's all, that's the story."
"That's a boring story."
"Well, it's the only one you're getting because it's the only one that exists," Yunho says. He looks at his watch and sees he has five minutes until dance training. It takes ten to get there. "Shit, I'm late. Let me know what Kangin says, okay?" He slides out of the booth. "Thanks for lunch, snookums!"
"You can't talk to me like that!" Heechul calls behind him. "You ain't my baby's daddy!"
---
"Excuse me, are you Yunho?"
Yunho stops chugging his bottle of water and turns around, only to keep from choking on it when he sees Junsu's face smiling brightly at him. "Yeah, um. Sorry. Hi. I'm Yunho." He mentally slaps himself for sounding so dumb. "Junsu, right?"
Junsu nods. "Wow, didn't think you'd know," he says. "Anyway, I heard from um… Heechul, I think? Yeah, that you were looking for a place to stay?"
Damn Heechul, Yunho thinks, but keeps a smile on his face. It figures that four hours later, everyone on this side of Seoul knows he's going to be homeless soon. "Um, sort of, yeah. Do you know of a place?"
"Yeah, my house is 15 minutes away from here and we have some space to spare."
Yunho blinks, thinking he hasn't heard right. "Wait. Are you - the place you're talking about is your own house?" Junsu nods as if his offer is completely normal. Yunho wants to mention how 30 seconds ago, Junsu wasn't even sure who he was talking to. "Look, um. Thanks, that's really kind of you, but we barely even know each other so. It'd just feel awkward and imposing."
"Not really," Junsu says. "I already called and my mom okayed it."
Yunho tries to keep his brain from exploding. On the one hand, his housing troubles could be miraculously fixed in five seconds, but on the other, fixing it would mean he would have to subject himself to being around Junsu and his irritating perfection close to 24 hours a day. "Um… thanks, but no thanks," he says finally, pride winning out over necessity. "I mean, it's really nice of you, but. I just can't feel comfortable about it."
"Are you sure?" Junsu says, and Yunho swears the kid looks a bit dejected.
"Yeah," Yunho says, feeling like maybe he's making the wrong decision too, but that isn't possible. "Thank you, though. Really."
"Okay, well. If things change, let me know."
Yunho just nods, knowing that wasn't going to happen.
---
It happens. Yunho has gone through his entire contacts list and asked everyone who lives in Seoul, but no one has the extra room. He even goes so far as to call some uncles and aunts while knowing that none of them really take kindly to his vocation of choice.
He waits for an opportune moment during training when Junsu is alone instead of around his friend - Hyukjae, he remembers - but that never happens. Yunho didn't think the glue thing was literal, but he could be mistaken sometimes. Watching all day also meant he got to see just how many flips and spins Junsu could do in a row, which was basically too many for Yunho's confidence to handle.
In the end, he's forced to catch Junsu right before he leaves, drawing the attention of the other guys Junsu's with. "Hey, um. Can I talk to you?"
"Sure," Junsu says, and tells everyone to leave without him. "What's up?"
"That offer," Yunho says, looking off to the side before he forces himself to make eye contact. "Is it still good?"
Junsu blinks at him before realization sets in. "Oh! Yeah, totally. I guess I just need to let my mom know when you'd be moving in."
"Um, well, my rent runs out at the end of the month," Yunho says, still unbelieving of how easy this was. "So in two weeks?"
"Cool." Junsu then pulls out his phone. "What's your number?" Yunho must've looked confused, because he adds, "So I can call you with details and stuff if training gets too busy."
"Oh, right, of course, yeah," Yunho says, bumbling and embarrassed. He rattles off his number and watches Junsu's fingers fly across the keys.
It isn't until Junsu's halfway out the door and waving at him that Yunho realizes Junsu has his number but he doesn't have Junsu's.
---
"I'm sorry, who are you moving in with?"
Yunho looks up, half the noodles he just put in his mouth still dangling over his lips. He rolls his eyes at Heechul and slurps them up, mumbling as he chews, "I don't even want to know how you heard."
"I didn't hear," Heechul says, throwing his bag down before sitting down. "I know. Everything. And I know that a week ago you hated Kim Junsu and now you're about to be live-in lovers."
Yunho resists smacking Heechul. "He offered me a place to stay," he says. "I don't even have to pay rent, just help out with chores. I'm going to get home-cooked meals, man. What do you have?"
"Uhh, peace and prosperity knowing I am not sleeping under the same roof as my arch nemesis?"
"I'm going to pretend that was facetious," Yunho says.
"Yeah? I'm going to pretend you're brain damaged and have lost all sense of logic."
Yunho sighs, setting his chopsticks down to show he was Being Serious. "I have nowhere else to go," he says. "Unless I want to take up being a hobo as a night job. And I don't hate him and he is most definitely not my arch nemesis. I mean, he's actually pretty okay, just… really excitable. And kind of ditzy."
"Whatever," Heechul says, stealing Yunho's bowl while he's distracted. "If you strangle him in your sleep, I'm not testifying on your behalf."
---
It turns out hating Junsu is going to be really hard. The first time Yunho meets Junsu's family, he finds them all to be as sickeningly sweet as Junsu. Junsu's dad and brother help with his luggage while Mrs. Kim calls from the kitchen that dinner is almost ready.
"So we were gonna give you the spare," Junsu says, dragging one of Yunho's suitcases down the hall, "but then we decided it'd be better for Junho to move in there and for you to room with me since, you know, we have the same schedule and Junho's studying for university exams."
"Sorry, I feel like a huge nuisance," Yunho says, dropping his bags on his new bed.
"Dude, don't worry about it," Junsu says, sitting down on his. There are a dozen posters of soccer players on his wall, some who Yunho doesn't even recognize. "It sucks that they don't provide housing, especially when most of us can't even work yet. I'm just lucky we live close by. I just hope you don't mind sharing. If it blows, you can switch with Junho."
"No, this is great," Yunho says in a rush. "I can't really complain since you're basically letting me stay here for free. Besides, I don't have a lot of stuff anyway."
"I guess that's good since I, you know, tend to hoard," Junsu says sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.
"I couldn't tell." Yunho bites down on a grin.
"Yeah, yeah." Junsu hops off his bed and waves for him to follow. "Come on, dinner's probably ready. My mom makes killer potato stew."
Yunho doesn't mention how that's his favorite dish.
---
Over the next few weeks, Yunho learns a lot about Junsu. Such as Junsu falls asleep in a normal position, but wakes up like he's been living the life of a contortionist. In the mornings, Junsu gets up ten minutes later than him because he makes up for it during breakfast by inhaling his food at the speed of light. Yunho finds it simultaneously fascinating and gross that he's able to do that without causing bodily harm. It took nearly a week for Yunho to connect the dots and figure out that Junsu and Junho were twins; it had happened during dinner and Yunho's indignation at Junsu for not telling him earlier made Junsu laugh for five minutes straight and fall off his chair.
Junsu's laugh is really weird, Yunho has decided, but it's also kind of contagious. It doesn't really take much to get him going, and Yunho thinks it's fascinating how he can go from serious to joking in around a matter of seconds.
Right now, Yunho watches Junsu dance with Hyukjae and some others while he takes a breather off to the side. This is the only place that he ever sees Junsu look like this, determined and driven, as if they could drop a bag of bricks on his back and he would do it just as easily, and without complaint.
At first Yunho was jealous. And envious. And bitter. But it was hard to stay that way when he saw how much Junsu practiced outside of training. Junsu had told him one night that he'd been singing and dancing for probably four years already. Four years ago, Yunho had been awkward and gangly and barely knew his left foot from his right. Come to think of it, he's still awkward and gangly and tends to trip over furniture that only he seems to think is misplaced.
Their training coach calls for a break and immediately Junsu's face breaks into a grin as he punches Hyukjae's shoulder and teases him for messing up a dance move. Yunho wonders if Junsu even knows that this is a competition, that unless they debut within the next few years, their time here is pretty much going to be a waste. He just doesn't understand the way Junsu's mind works. The way things settle in most people's heads and fester just doesn't happen to Junsu. They seem to bounce off instead, yet Junsu doesn't seem ignorant or naïve. Just spared, Yunho supposes.
"How's life in hell?"
Yunho blinks and looks over before jerking away in terror when he finds Heechul's face mere centimeters from his. "Jesus Christ, don't do that!" he hisses, punching Heechul's arm. "Crazy bastard."
"Speak for yourself," Heechul says, unwrapping his strawberry bread and taking a big bite. "I'm not the one living with my rival."
They've had this conversation so many times that Yunho doesn't even bother to deny it anymore. "I'm still alive, aren't I?"
"I can only presume out of sheer dumb luck," Heechul says. "For some reason, you have a lot of that." He grins and pinches Yunho's cheek. "It's kind of cute."
Yunho makes a face and pushes Heechul away. "Please find a girlfriend instead of using me as a substitute. My personal bubble doesn't appreciate it."
"I just came over to let you know there's another new kid coming today," Heechul says, staring off in front of him. "Supposed to be one of those pretty types."
"Aren't you the resident pretty one?" Yunho says, studying Heechul carefully. He looks weird, but Yunho can't tell what it is. "Why do we need another one?"
Heechul shrugs and stands up. For a second, Yunho swears he sees something resembling worry flash across his face, but then Heechul moves and the light shifts and it's gone. "Whatever, let them come. It's been really boring around here anyway."
"Do you know his name?" Yunho says, stealing some bread before Heechul moves it out of reach.
"Think it's Jaejoong or something like that," Heechul says. "Junjun? Jaejae? Doesn't even matter, I don't think you'll be around him a lot anyway."
"Okay, well," Yunho says, smiling sweetly, "you're still my favorite girl."
It's always a good day when Yunho can fluster Heechul. Today he does that plus makes Heechul turn red. "Whatever, asshole," Heechul says and pelts his leftover bread at Yunho's head before stomping off.
And free strawberry bread. Today is an awesome day.
---
Like Heechul said, Kim Jaejoong is really pretty. Not the kind of pretty that a girl would be, but a little rougher on the edges, the kind that makes you stop and do a double-take, but then think yourself ridiculous for looking twice in the first place. He has these big, wide eyes that look everywhere but at you. When Yunho introduces himself and reaches out for a handshake, Jaejoong's hand actually slips further inside his sleeves just a little before sneaking back out to grasp Yunho's.
"Jung Yunho?" Jaejoong says, his head tilted slightly. "I think I've heard of you. They say you're really good at dancing."
Yunho gets that all the time, actually, but for some reason the way Jaejoong says it makes him feel embarrassed. "Oh, than-" He gets cut off when another body shoves him over, and is surprised to find Junsu the culprit.
"I'm Junsu. Do you dance too?"
If Heechul had done that, Yunho wouldn't have hesitated and would've smacked Heechul upside the head right away. But Junsu - Junsu doesn't do rude. Except he just did which means Yunho doesn't know what to do but stare.
"Um, not really," Jaejoong says, blinking at Junsu. They're the same height, and Yunho's pretty sure Junsu is younger - because everyone around here is older than Junsu - but Jaejoong is the one who looks intimidated. "I'm okay, but two left feet and all that."
"Well, you should get better otherwise they'll kick you out." Junsu doesn't wait for an answer before leaving, grabbing Hyukjae with him.
Yunho watches Junsu walk off with a frown pulling at his mouth, confused about the attitude he just saw. "Sorry," he says to Jaejoong, smiling apologetically. "He's usually not like that."
Jaejoong shrugs. "People don't always like me. I'll live."
"So how old are you?"
"Seventeen. Eighteen in January."
Yunho smiles. "I guess you're my hyung by a few weeks." He's a little surprised when Jaejoong's cheeks puff out, only to deflate again when Jaejoong breathes out, making his lips vibrate. It's a complete 180 from just five minutes ago.
"I'm always the old one," Jaejoong says, pouting.
Yunho laughs. "I need to introduce you to Heechul," he says, throwing an arm over Jaejoong's shoulder like they've been friends for years rather than minutes. "Seriously, he's ancient. And he hates it when you point that out, which is why I love pointing it out and you should too."
Jaejoong laughs too and it's the second time Yunho has been surprised at the sound that comes out. "I like him already."
---
Yunho spends the entire day with Jaejoong, showing him around and letting him know who to avoid. It's almost dark out by the time he heads home and only when he walks in does he realize Junsu didn't wait for him so they could walk back together like usual.
The first thing he sees is Junsu's shoes by the door. One is lying on its side - proof that Junsu had kicked them off lazily. He's fixing them and his own when Junsu's mother peeks her head into the hallway.
"Yunho, did something happen at training today?"
Yunho frowns as he walks toward her. "I don't think so. Why?"
"He just looked like he was in a bad mood," she says, "so I thought perhaps something had happened."
Now he has a good idea why Junsu may be surly about, but still shakes his head and says, "I'll go talk to him."
Yunho knocks quietly before entering their room and stays near the door for now. Junsu is lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling, his hands crossed behind his head. "Hey, you okay?" Junsu glances at him but doesn't answer and Yunho sighs, feet shuffling forward until he's standing above Junsu. "Come on, what was up with today?"
Junsu shrugs. "Nothing."
"Bullshit," Yunho says. He sees Junsu tense and is glad he can still get some sort of reaction. Sitting down by Junsu's feet, he nudges Junsu's legs. "Why don't you like Jaejoong? He's a good guy."
"I dunno. I just don't. He's weird," Junsu finally says. Two-syllable sentences were better than nothing, Yunho tells himself.
"I'll give you weird, but that doesn't mean you can be an ass towards him. Especially on his first day."
Junsu glares at him and sits up. "I was very polite." Yunho snorts and quirks his eyebrow, and watches Junsu wilt in front of him. "Okay, whatever. But I wasn't an ass."
"You told him he was going to get kicked out."
Junsu drops his head and starts picking at the bedspread. This means he's pouting and really, it's better for Yunho not to see since he's found he's awfully receptive to it and now is not the time to be caving under peer pressure. Finally, Junsu sighs and says, "I don't trust him." He's looking up at Yunho with uncertain, worrisome eyes, and biting his nails nervously like he's in trouble for something.
"Don't do that." Yunho reaches up and bats Junsu's hands away from his mouth. "Why don't you trust him?"
Junsu shrugs. "I just don't trust people easily," he says. "Nothing wrong with that."
Yunho is confused. "So why did you trust me then? I mean, you let me live with you even though you barely knew my name."
For the first time, Junsu cracks a smile. "That's different. You're you. Why wouldn't I trust you?"
Yunho isn't sure if he should feel special or embarrassed, so he settles for some weird combination of both. "Um, thanks," he says, smiling back. He ruffles Junsu's hair, messing up the meticulous part down the middle, and laughs when Junsu makes his annoyed noise and slaps him away. "Okay, look. It's fine if you don't trust him, but since you trust me and I say he checks out, be a little nicer?"
Junsu looks at him from underneath his bangs as he fixes his hair. "Fine," he says, face scrunched up petulantly. "But we're not going to become best friends or anything."
Yunho laughs and slings his arm around Junsu's shoulders, dragging him up and out the room. "Good enough for me," he says. "Now come on, I hear killer potato stew awaits us."
---
Things get a little bit better. Junsu only hangs around Jaejoong if Yunho is there too, but Yunho thinks that's better than Junsu glaring daggers for no reason every time Jaejoong walks by. Jaejoong honestly doesn't seem to be miffed, which is surprising, but maybe only because Yunho would never be able to handle it if someone didn't like him and bothered to show it.
He does get annoyed sometimes at their behavior, especially when school and training get stressful enough, but then he has to find time for both of them instead of just hanging out together. He's not sure they know and he isn't going to bring it up, but sometimes he has to push down the urge to shove them into a sandbox and tell them to play nice.
Today is a Jaejoong day and Yunho was told to meet at the park at noon for lunch. He gets there at five after and Jaejoong is easy to spot on one of the benches with his dark hair and pale skin. The group of girls off to the side that are pointing and giggling also help.
"Sorry I'm late," he says, jogging up to Jaejoong. He gives the girls a weird look as he sits down, relaxing when they finally go away.
"It's cool," Jaejoong says, handing him a box of kimbap that's already been started on. "How was vocal training?"
"Same old," Yunho says, staring at the food. "Did you make this?" Jaejoong nods. "Dude, you can cook?"
Jaejoong shrugs. "I have eight sisters."
"Jesus," Yunho breathes. He takes a piece and shoves the entire thing in his mouth. He says with his mouth full, "But why'd you learn? Wouldn't they just make this stuff for you?"
Jaejoong laughs. "Most of them are married with kids," he says. "But I wouldn't recommend you saying that in front of them. Anyway, it's helpful to know how to cook. I mean, what would you do if you had to live by yourself? Buy jajangmyeon every day?"
Yunho clears his throat and doesn't say anything about the validity of that. "Well, this is pretty good so. Good job."
"Thanks," Jaejoong says. "Hey, I've been meaning to ask for a while but, how come you live with Junsu's family? Isn't that kind of weird?"
Yunho's not sure someone who mixes spoonfuls of hot sauce with his rice is at a place to judge levels of weirdness, but he shrugs and says, "I dunno, maybe? I needed a place to stay and he offered."
Jaejoong nods and hums absently, not saying anything else. But the thing about Jaejoong, Yunho has learned, is that there's really not a moment where he doesn't have anything to say, he just pretends it's like that. Right now, Yunho can tell that Jaejoong definitely has something fighting to get out.
"Okay, come on".
"Hm?" Jaejoong looks at him, clearly playing innocent.
"There's something else you're itching to ask," Yunho says. "I can tell. You have the acting chops of a three year old with his hand stuck in the cookie jar."
"Yeah, but I'm so much cuter than some toddler," Jaejoong says, sticking his lower lip out.
Yunho rolls his eyes, unaffected. "So what is it?"
Jaejoong sighs and sits up, turning a little towards Yunho. "Promise you won't freak out or like, hit me?"
Yunho freezes mid-chew, his cheeks stuffed with kimbap as he stares at Jaejoong. "'Cause that's not worrisome or anything," he says after swallowing.
Jaejoong puts the lid back onto the container and says, "You can eat again after I ask. I don't want you to choke."
"Okay, seriously," Yunho says, looking at Jaejoong weird. "What is it? Did someone die?"
"No. Do you have a crush on Junsu?"
Yunho… isn't quite sure what to say to that. Or even how to process it. In fact, he's pretty sure his brain has detached from his body because he can't formulate any thoughts at all. "I'm sorry - what?" he sputters. "I… What?"
Jaejoong sighs and rolls his eyes as if Yunho is slow on the uptake. "Do you have a crush on Junsu?" he says, slower this time. "Do you like-like him? When you see him, do hearts appear in the air around Junsu's face and make you want to pinch his cheeks?" He pauses. "His face ones, not… down there, but if those work too, that's fine, but you just seem too gentlemanly for that."
"Wait," Yunho said, closing his eyes briefly while he holds his hands up. "Just - wait a second. You do know that Junsu is a guy?"
"Um, duh. I know what breasts are."
"So why are you asking me if I like him?" Yunho says, fidgeting a little in his seat. Honestly, he has enough trouble talking about girls, so right now he's a million kinds of embarrassed and uncomfortable, but trying not to show it. He lowers his voice and says awkwardly, "Do I look like I… am that way or something?"
Jaejoong shakes his head. "Not really," he says. "But I didn't say anything about you swinging the other way. I was only talking about Junsu. Totally different."
"How is it different? You just agreed that Junsu is a guy."
"One guy, not all of them."
Yunho shoots Jaejoong a flat look. "You're asking me if I'm selectively gay?"
"I'm asking if you like Junsu," Jaejoong says, poking Yunho's arm emphatically. "Which you still haven't answered yet, don't think I haven't noticed."
"I haven't answered because I don't," Yunho says, scooting out of reach because Jaejoong's bony and poking hurts. "He's just a friend. A really good friend, but still a friend. And I still like boobs."
"Extraneous info noted," Jaejoong says, and jumps up before Yunho can say anything. "We're going to be late for training. Come on."
Yunho gets half a protest out before Jaejoong grabs his arm and starts pulling him along, showing surprising strength. By the time they leave the park he's not even fighting it anymore, too distracted with wondering how he's going to look Junsu in the eye now that Jaejoong has planted that ridiculous notion in his head.
Not that there was any basis for Jaejoong's accusation. Like Junsu said, he was just weird.
---
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
Yunho blushes when he realizes he's been staring and focuses his eyes back on the ceiling. He's lying in bed, covers pulled up to his chest while Junsu changes into his pajamas across the room. Usually this consisted of Junsu hopping on one foot from the dresser and falling over onto his bed before everything was where it was supposed to be.
This meant Yunho had been looking at a half-naked Junsu. He makes a mental note to kill Jaejoong tomorrow.
"Hey, did you hear?" Junsu says, climbing under his mountain of blankets. "They're recruiting even more guys. I think one of them is like, some sort of wunderkind and there's even a kid coming from America. It's like we're turning into Star Trek."
"Huh. That'll be interesting, I guess."
"Yeah." Junsu sighs as he settles into his pillow. "But I don't know why they keep bringing in people instead of debuting them. We're already running out of room in the studios."
Yunho is quiet for a while, then says softly, "Actually, they told Jaejoong and me today we might be part of a group with Heechul and Kangin."
"… What?" Yunho hears ruffling and looks over to see Junsu sitting up, staring at him with his mouth agape. "You're joking with me, right?"
"No?" Yunho says, even though he's pretty sure that was a rhetorical question and answering it may have been the wrong thing to do.
Junsu's mouth open and closes a few times and Yunho can tell he's doing that not because he doesn't know what to say, but because he has too much to say and doesn't know how to get it all out. It doesn't happen often and Yunho always gets worried when it does.
Climbing out of bed, Yunho goes over and sits next to Junsu, drawing his knees up with his ankles crossed. "Sorry I didn't tell you right away."
"It's not that," Junsu says, punching the mattress half-heartedly. "I've been doing this stuff for years now and it's like. It's like now it's been so long that every year that I don't debut just turns into a waste of money. Jaejoong hasn't even been here for six months and already they're putting him in a group? Obviously I should just quit since if I was good enough, I'd be performing already."
"Don't be stupid," Yunho says, knocking their shoulders together. "You're probably the best out of everyone. They're probably saving you for something better. Just because I'm debuting doesn't mean it's going to work out."
"It's going to work out," Junsu says, confident. "It's just how things go. People debut and everyone else gets obsessed." He smiles a little at Yunho. "You're going to be famous."
Yunho gets embarrassed and ducks his head. "I dunno. It'd be better if you were in the group too. I think five sounds better."
Junsu shrugs. "It's okay. Don't worry, I'll still be your fan. You'll be my favorite and I'll make signs and send you disturbing gifts and spam your blog with comments about how much I want to marry you."
"Nothing is more disturbing than your underwear and I've already seen that," Yunho says. "Actually, I've had to touch it to put it in the wash which is really gross."
"Shut up!" Junsu laughs and shoves Yunho, nearly making him fall off the bed. "Anyway, thanks. You'll do awesome, you know. You deserve it."
Yunho smiles and tackles Junsu onto his back, hugging him tightly. Junsu makes a bunch of strangling noises below him and pretends like he's dying, but Yunho doesn't relent. He squeezes Junsu until Junsu sighs and hugs back, patting him between the shoulders.
"Er, are you staying here?" Junsu says a few seconds later, which is when Yunho realizes he's still hanging on. "I mean I'll protect you from nightmares and all that if that's what's going on, but…"
Yunho laughs awkwardly and pulls away, sitting up on his knees. The way the blankets pile around Junsu makes him look like he's sinking and Yunho gets the sudden urge to press his hand to Junsu's chest to see what would happen.
"You're looking at me weird again."
"O-Oh, um, sorry," Yunho mumbles, and quickly goes back to his own bed, practically diving underneath the covers. "Okay, good night, great talk!" he says, then turns to face the wall so Junsu can't see how red he's getting. He ignores Junsu when he hears his name.
No, he's really going to kill Jaejoong tomorrow.
---
"Our name is going to be Four Seasons?" Yunho says, trying not to make a face, but most likely failing. "Seriously?"
It's a few weeks later and they've put Yunho and Jaejoong into private rehearsals with Heechul and Kangin. It's weird not being in a room with 15 other guys, but maybe it's just weird not being in a room with Junsu. Yunho hasn't actually seen him except at home, but now Yunho's always practicing for something tangible instead of just a possibility, and he wants to ask Junsu to help sometimes, but things are different. Yunho doesn't know how or why, but they just are.
"Yes, but that's not what's important," Jaejoong says, waving a hand between them. "Why didn't you tell me there was someone coming from America? Actually, how dare you not tell me?"
"I… thought Heechul would tell you."
"Heechul doesn't know anything," Jaejoong says, and rambles on before Yunho can get a word in edgewise. "Where do you think he's from? Los Angeles? New York? I bet he's going to be a super badass rapper with like, a ton of bling and tattoos and he's going to teach us a bunch of English swear words and it's going to be awesome. This is so cool!"
Yunho stares at Jaejoong like he's grown a third head, which is something that's been happening more and more frequently as Jaejoong shows more of his real personality. But as strange as Jaejoong is, Yunho finds it more amusing than anything.
"I'm not sure you should get your hopes up," Yunho says. "What if he's just like you?"
Jaejoong looks at him like he's dumb. "Um, if he were just like me, he'd be in Korea."
"Right," Yunho says slowly. "Silly me."
"Okay, come on, he's supposed to be here in a few hours!" Jaejoong grabs Yunho's wrist and starts tugging him out of the studio and down the hall.
"If he's not coming for a few hours," Yunho says, stumbling, "why are we going now?"
"Because I hear Heechul and I ate his burger and I don't want him to kill me!"
---
"Four Seasons?" Junsu says, taking another enormous bite of his patbingsoo. It's the first time they've seen each other during training all week and Yunho has almost forgotten what Junsu looks like in his baggy dance clothes that nearly drown him. "Do you each get one?"
"Get one what?" Yunho says, sticking his tongue out to imitate Junsu while he's not looking, trying to figure out how eating something tongue-first even works. He retracts it quickly when Junsu turns to look at him.
"A season," Junsu says. "Four seasons… four of you?"
"Oh," Yunho says, sheepish. "Probably. I guess?"
Junsu looks deep in thought for a second, so Yunho's surprised when all he says is, "I think you should be… autumn."
Yunho laughs softly, running a hand through his hair. "You think so? How come?"
"I dunno," Junsu says, shrugging. "That's just the season you look like to me." He pauses to slurp at all the melted ice in his cup. "What would you want it to be? I guess you could be summer too, but I still think autumn is better."
"Autumn's fine, I like it," Yunho says, not sure what he would say even if he didn't agree. "I pick spring for you."
"Yeah, but. Spring and autumn aren't next to each other," Junsu says, and goes back to eating, saying nothing more. Yunho stares at him, not knowing how to take that but knowing it makes him feel kind of funny inside.
Across the studio, Jaejoong is the first to bombard the kid from America whose name is a very un-American Park Yoochun.
"You're Korean," he hears Jaejoong say, sounding flabbergasted and a little bit disappointed. "Yunho, he's Korean! …Yunho, he speaks Korean and can understand me. Dude, what are you wearing?"
Yunho doesn't reply. He's too busy looking at Junsu.
---
The next day, Yunho corners Jaejoong in the hall right before lunch and drags him into an empty studio. He spent the entire night sleepless because he was watching Junsu instead. There are bags under his eyes; he knows because Junsu asked him about them during breakfast to which he replied with sputtering and baby-babble before excusing himself early.
"Why did you ask if I had a crush on him?" he says, crossing his arms as he stares at Jaejoong. "Just to mess with me?" Even though he is showing blatant irritation, all Jaejoong does is smile at him. This, of course, only makes him more annoyed. "This isn't funny."
"It's kind of funny" Jaejoong says, and covers his mouth until his giggles die down. "I asked 'cause it made sense. You guys live together and you're always around each other. Or, I dunno, you're always around him."
"I am not always around him," Yunho says.
One of Jaejoong's eyebrows goes up. "Um. Yes, you are," he says. "You laugh at everything he says and hug him all the time. Until we got our new schedules, you were even at rehearsals you didn't have to attend just 'cause he had to be there." Yunho blinks at him. "Oh, come on! Are you serious? You were like his oversized shadow."
"I am not his oversized shadow!"
Jaejoong rolls his eyes. "Okay, this game we're playing," he says, pointing his finger between them, "where I say something and you just respond with 'I am not' and then fill in the blank with whatever I said? Boring. Anyway, stop worrying, I said were. You're not his oversized shadow anymore. I guess his new shadow is that other new kid - you know, big ears, doesn't talk much?"
"His name is Changmin," Yunho says. He acts exasperated, but really he's wondering when his spot in Junsu's life that he didn't even know he had got taken from him especially when it hadn't even been that long since this whole group thing started.
"Yeah, him," Jaejoong says. "I see them hanging out together a lot. Maybe it's an age thing. I mean, we hang out a lot too."
"We're going to be debuting in the same group," Yunho says flatly.
"Details. Anyway, didn't I ask you that forever ago? Why are you bringing it up now?"
Yunho slouches against the wall and doesn't answer. What would he say anyway? That maybe Jaejoong had a point back then and maybe Junsu is more than just a good friend? Why bother when the opportunity has passed, he thinks. Now Junsu had someone else to keep him company and seemed to be fine, so why should Yunho rain on everyone's parade by being surly about it? "Was just wondering," he says.
"Okay, well, this was fun." Jaejoong starts shuffling towards the door. "I have to go meet Yoochun for lunch."
"Since when do you hang out with him?"
"Since he started teaching me these American jokes where you insult someone's mother," Jaejoong says. "They're great. You should learn them too. Okay, gotta go!"
Yunho is left in the room by himself, pouting. He doesn't want to learn jokes, he wants to be Junsu's oversized shadow again.
---
As the weeks drag on, Yunho sees less and less of Junsu, even at home. He's always disappearing to practice with Hyukjae or meeting up with Changmin and Yoochun. Sometimes it's just Yunho with Junsu's family at dinner, which is fine, but it's weird and uncomfortable and he doesn't like how Junho looks at him like he just knows. Junsu's mother always asks him what Junsu's up to at the company and lately, he hasn't been able to give her any answers because he's lucky if he even passes Junsu in the café during a ten minute lunch run.
"Changmin says he needs a lot of vocal training," Junsu tells him one night before bed. "The classes aren't enough so me and Yoochun are helping him out."
"There isn't anyone else he can go to?" Yunho says, sitting in bed with a hand mirror, looking at his teeth. The producers have all been talking about getting him surgery if he's going to debut. Yunho's never really had any sort of surgery before, unless he counted the stitches he got when he was three after he fell off a balcony. He doesn't remember that though, so this is really the first time, and he's imagining all the ways it could go wrong.
"Maybe, but he asked me." Junsu climbs on at the foot of the bed, then crawls on all fours to the top before burrowing under his blankets. "It's not like I can't do it or mind. He's a nice kid."
"Well, you don't have to do it all the time," Yunho says, putting the mirror down because even he doesn't like the way he looks when he's being childish and selfish.
"What are you talking about?" Junsu says. "It's two times a week."
"You also go out with Hyukjae."
"Yeah," Junsu says, staring to sound annoyed. "Because he's my friend." Yunho stops himself from saying that they're friends too, not wanting to be ridiculed into next year. "Seriously, what's your problem? You're kind of being a jerk."
"What?"
"Seriously, you've been like a different person lately," Junsu says, staring at the ceiling no matter how much Yunho mentally yells at him to look over. "I know this debut thing is taking up a lot of your time, but you could be a little more considerate and a little less selfish."
"I'm selfish?" Yunho says, twisting his hands in the comforter. "You're the one running around doing what you want. I have to do whatever I'm told whether I like it or not!"
"Oh, so what, because you don't have any more free time, I'm supposed to suffer with you?"
"Yeah, maybe!" Yunho says, glaring back when Junsu narrows his eyes at him. "But I guess you have new friends to hang out with now so it doesn't matter to you what happens to me." He wants to take that back right after he says it, knowing he's stepped over the line, especially when Junsu's anger dissipates into disappointment and hurt, but his voice is suddenly stuck in his throat and he can't make it work no matter how hard he tries.
"Whatever, I'm going to bed," Junsu mumbles finally and turns to face the wall, drawing the covers up to his chin. He doesn't say good night or tell Yunho to turn the lights off.
Yunho wishes Junsu would say something, even if it's just to call Yunho an asshole.
---
Of course he expected it to be bad, but even so Yunho could barely stand getting the cold shoulder from Junsu. By the end of five days, he would've apologized and begged for forgiveness if he weren't so proud.
"Dude, what did you do to Junsu?" Jaejoong says to him during another long day of weekend rehearsal.
Yunho tenses and reminds himself that Jaejoong doesn't know anything. "What are you talking about?"
"Cut the crap," Jaejoong says, gulping down half his bottle of water. "It's obvious something happened with you and him. I know he doesn't get along with me, but I've never seen him unpleasant except for the last few days. I mean, he was basically being a dick to everyone."
"Don't talk about him like that," Yunho says, frowning. "And I don't know. Nothing happened that I know of."
"Liar. Did you even hear what I said? Kim Junsu was being a dick. Only two people could upset him like that, you and his brother. I've already saw him on the phone with his brother, so that leaves you."
Sometimes Yunho really hated how insightful Jaejoong was when he wanted to be. "We got in a fight," he says. "Sort of. I called him selfish for hanging out with other people all the time." He's met with silence and when he looks up, Jaejoong is staring at him like he's stupid, which is about right.
"Why," Jaejoong says slowly, "would you be such a dumbass?"
"Well, he is hanging out with other people all the time," Yunho says, his voice starting at a normal volume but ending meekly, knowing he has nothing. He sighs. "I don't know. He hasn't said a word to me in a week. He's probably going to kick me out of his house soon."
"It's probably what you deserve," Jaejoong says. "Why did you even say it?"
Yunho mumbles something unintelligible even to himself, shrugging.
"Try again using words."
"I don't know," Yunho says. "I was… jealous, or something… maybe."
"And why were you jealous something maybe?"
Yunho pouts. "I don't want to tell you."
"I already know," Jaejoong says. "And if you don't say it, I am more than willing to. In fact, I am so willing that Heechul might even hear and then everyone would know."
Yunho stares at Jaejoong, both unsurprised and terrified that he already knows what's going on. Unsurprised because he's seen Jaejoong figure out other people's problems dozens of times and terrified because he's still scared of how he feels about Junsu and what it means. "I like him," he says finally, so quiet he's barely enunciating, but he says it. "The way you asked me before. Like that. I like him like that."
Jaejoong doesn't say anything to him right away and for a second, Yunho thinks Jaejoong thought wrong and that was the last thing he expected, and now everyone in Seoul is going to know that Jung Yunho likes guys. But he doesn't like all guys, at least not right now, he just likes Junsu and doesn't everyone like Junsu just a little?
"So when, exactly, are you going to apologize to him for lacking a brain?"
"Huh?"
"You said it's been a week," Jaejoong says. "Obviously, you were wrong. You know you were wrong, but since Junsu was still being a dick yesterday, I can only assume you haven't apologized to him. Therefore, when are you going to stop being a dick?"
"Are you always this terrifying when you're being logical?"
Jaejoong beams at him. "Yeah, it's why I don't do it a lot, for maximum effect."
---
When he gets home from practice that night, Yunho finds Junsu playing video games in the living room with Junho. He waits for a break, then asks Junsu if they could talk, trying his best to ignore Junho's presence completely since his confidence is already at an all-time low.
Yunho walks in front of Junsu to their room. He doesn't look back to make sure Junsu's following, but is constantly aware of the scuffling of Junsu's socked feet over the hardwood floors. They're barely in the room when he turns around and blurts out, "I'm sorry," wanting to get it over with so he doesn't chicken out. He closes the door and leans against it, not sure if it's to keep Junsu from leaving or so he could run away easily if he had to. "You're not selfish," he says. "And you can hang out with whomever you want. I was being an asshole."
"So why'd you say it?" Junsu is watching him coldly, everything about him guarded. It makes Yunho feel hopeless.
Yunho shrugs and mumbles, "I was jealous. You and I used to hang out all the time and it was great, and then all this debut shit happened and suddenly you were hanging out all the time with people that weren't me. It just sucked to hear that, that's all."
"God, hyung," Junsu says, and it's a relief just to hear that word even if it's said in annoyance, "it's not like I don't want to do stuff with you anymore. You're just never around. What did you expect?"
"I don't know," Yunho says, staring at the floor as he toes at the carpet. "I was being stupid and just wanted to apologize. You don't have to forgive me. I know I was really out of line." He doesn't get a reply, but suddenly he sees Junsu's feet in front of his.
"I know I don't have to," Junsu says. "But I do."
Yunho thinks Junsu's face is lot closer to his than it would normally be, but it's been so long since they've been in the same room other than to sleep or dance he has no idea if it's just imagining it or not. His thoughts get interrupted when Junsu leans in and hugs him, arms wrapped tightly around Yunho's middle. It feels nice, better than nice, and he says Junsu's name just in case he starts enjoying it too much.
Junsu pulls away, but suddenly there's a mouth pressed to Yunho's and his eyes widen when he realizes Junsu is kissing him. It's awkward and their lips don't quite fit together properly, but it's still a kiss and Yunho's brain feels like it's going to explode.
"I - um. What? I don't - I don't understand. I . Hm." Yunho touches his mouth, wondering if that really happened, trying to find the imprint Junsu's lips left behind.
"I thought you," Junsu says, looking horrified. "I mean, those times when you were looking at me. Oh my god - shit. God, I'm sorry." He tries to get past Yunho and to the door, but Yunho grabs his elbow, still staring at him like he isn't quite real.
"You meant it?" Yunho says, his mouth feeling like it's stuffed with cotton. "I don't need to know why or how long or whatever. Just - you meant it?"
Junsu nods and that's all the permission Yunho needs. He pulls Junsu in front of him again and kisses him for real, pressing his mouth to Junsu's over and over. He stops only because his lungs ache, but he keeps Junsu close to him, their breaths mixing between them.
Junsu is smiling at him and Yunho didn't know how much he missed seeing that until it's right there in front of him.
---
"Hey," Jaejoong says, sitting himself down at the booth where Yunho and Junsu are eating lunch. Underneath the table, Yunho pulls his foot away from Junsu's quickly. "So, guess what I just heard?"
"Hi, Jaejoong-hyung." "Is that a rhetorical question?"
"Shut up. They're not doing Four Seasons anymore."
Yunho frowns. "They're changing the name?"
"No," Jaejoong says. He grabs an empty plate and dumps some hot sauce in it, then starts eating it by dipping a chopstick in and licking it clean. "The entire thing. We're not debuting anymore."
"What?" Junsu frowns at him from across the table. "But -- you've been practicing forever and Heechul finally let you have Spring after you won the drinking bet! It's not fair that they're just going to trash everything."
Yunho thinks he should probably feel more distraught than he is since his dreams have just been crushed, but he's too distracted by how cute Junsu looks when upset to bother at the moment. Besides, Jaejoong is grinning at them in that way where Yunho knows they haven't even heard half of it.
"Maybe, but I hear they have bigger plans," Jaejoong says, twirling a chopstick between his fingers. He stops and points it at Yunho while picking up the other to point it at Junsu. "A new group. With five guys."
"Five?" Junsu says, and Yunho can both see and hear the glimmer of hope.
Jaejoong nods. "I also hear that someone at this table was first pick," he says. "And it's not me or Big Foot over there."
Yunho kicks Jaejoong under the table, but smiles at Junsu. "I guess it's good you held out."
Junsu beams at him like a kid on his birthday surrounded by a mountain of presents. "Just like you said, five is better."
"... Hey, is something going on?" Yunho looks over to see Jaejoong watching them suspiciously, the chopsticks up by his eyes like makeshift telescopes. "Oh my god, are you two going out? Is our group going to have a secret gay couple?"
Yunho and Junsu glance at each other briefly, then Yunho says, "Come on, hyung. You know everything, so of course you'd know if something as big as that was going on."
"You're messing with me. I'm going to find out." Jaejoong gets up from the table, but keeps pointing at them as he slowly walks away. "I have to go do something very important right now, but I'm going to find out!"
When Jaejoong finally leaves, Yunho not-so-sneakily grabs Junsu's hand under the table and tries not to blush too much. "So, when are we going to let him know?"
Junsu shrugs. "When he decides to tell us about him and Yoochun."
"... He's doing stuff with Yoochun?!"
"Hyung, has anyone ever told you you're really oblivious?"
yunho/junsu; 9,300
PG
written for the nuna_fanworks holiday fic exchange '09. beta'd by kallistei. ♥
There are random things Yunho remembers about the first time he met Kim Junsu. Mostly because it happened only yesterday. The light in the middle of the ceiling kept flickering and Heechul was in the corner putting tiny ponytails all over Kangin's head while he napped. Junsu had been wearing black sneakers that scuffed streaks on the already scratched-up floor and an oversized sweatshirt that nearly reached his knees. He also remembers the way Junsu moved and how none of the contests he won before then meant anything because he could never do the things he saw in a million years. For Junsu, it was effortless.
For Yunho, it was just another reminder of what his competition was and how far away and impossible his goal seemed.
"Rest easy, peasant! I have arrived, so put that ugly brooding face away."
Yunho looks up in time to see Heechul drop into the seat across from him. The booths in this restaurant are small and he winces when Heechul's knees jab his. "I'm not brooding."
Heechul points a finger at him without taking his eyes off the menu. Yunho doesn't know why he bothers looking when he orders the same thing every time. "You're not in the present sense because as I explained, I'm here now to save the day," he says. "But you were brooding." The server comes by and Heechul gives his order - jajangmyeon, the only thing any of them ever get -- plus a wink.
"Okay, you need to stop doing that to the male servers here," Yunho says, trying to hide his face with his sleeve even though he's been here for half an hour already. "It's the closest place to our apartment and has the cheapest noodles. The last thing we need is for you to get us banned for sexual harassment."
"You're confused," Heechul says as he checks his reflection in the can turned chopstick-holder. "It brightens their day."
"It creeps them out and I am not letting you take away one of my major food suppliers just because you have a lazy eye."
"Why are you so cranky?" Heechul says. "Is it because of that new guy? It's because of that new guy, isn't it?"
"What? No."
"Okay, great, it's the new guy." The side dishes come, leaving Heechul silent for a while as he inhales some pickled radish, but Yunho doesn't butt in because he's found it's just better to keep his mouth shut. "So what's his story that offends your delicate sensibilities so much? Stripper mom, pimp dad? Don't keep the gossip to yourself."
"I'm going to make you pay for this lunch as a fine for being a dumbass."
Heechul rolls his eyes and says, "Seriously, what's wrong with him?" His noodles arrive and he stirs them furiously, splattering some sauce onto the table. "Just spit it out 'cause I'm not hanging out with you if you're going to be Mopey McMoperson for longer than the next thirty seconds."
"I don't have a problem with him and I'm not moping!" Yunho puffs his cheeks out and crushes the soggy leaves in his teacup with the end of his chopstick. "Anyway, he isn't new. I heard him and that skinny kid he's glued to have been here for almost a year."
"Shut up. They're like, babies still."
"Well, I heard Coach Yeong say it."
"Doesn't that make them our seniors?" Heechul says with his mouth full, then pauses mid-chew. "Well, damn. Not only am I old, but I have to answer to toddlers. You might as well castrate me."
"Are you asking?"
Heechul makes a face at Yunho. "So what'd you call me here for anyway if it wasn't to talk about the not-new kid?"
"Oh, um." Yunho fidgets in his seat and scratches the back of his head. "Wanted to ask you for a... small.... favor. Tiny. Miniscule."
"Sure. What is it?"
"Can I come live with you?" Heechul freezes and stares at Yunho, leaving a long string of noodles swaying from his chopsticks. "... Is that a yes?"
"Small favor," is all Heechul says, the noodles falling back into his bowl with a pathetic plop. Yunho would feel bad for his deception were he talking to anyone but Heechul, the man who chased his last girlfriend away with his dumb antics. "That isn't a small favor. A small favor would be something like 'hey Heechul, most awesome person on the planet, I have another mousey person in my life that I must get rid of, lend me your expertise.'"
"You're the only person who thought she was mousey!"
Heechul rolls his eyes. "Everyone thought she was mousey," he says. "Anyway, regarding your 'small favor'--", he makes small air quotes, "-- no can do. It'd be fine if you asked me a week ago, but I guess there's this kid coming from China in a few days and the big guy volunteered my living space for sharing."
"Why? You don't even know where China is," Yunho says. The remark earns him a piece of kimchi to the face. He peels it off with disgust, but eats it still.
"I am very cosmopolitan. And painfully altruistic," Heechul says, swiping up some sauce with his finger before licking it clean lewdly. "So much so that I will ask Kangin if he has space for you on your behalf."
"Thanks. Hey, I'll pay for lunch instead."
"Or I could still and you could tell me why the new kid makes you so emo." Heechul grins and wags his eyebrows suggestively, which is something that made Yunho incredibly uncomfortable back when they first met, but now he's learned to ignore it the same way he tunes out the static when he uses his old CD player.
Right now, though, it is a little irritating especially because all his attempts to derail from the truth - which is that the presence of Kim Junsu does irk him a little - have failed. "I just don't like him for some reason, okay? That's all, that's the story."
"That's a boring story."
"Well, it's the only one you're getting because it's the only one that exists," Yunho says. He looks at his watch and sees he has five minutes until dance training. It takes ten to get there. "Shit, I'm late. Let me know what Kangin says, okay?" He slides out of the booth. "Thanks for lunch, snookums!"
"You can't talk to me like that!" Heechul calls behind him. "You ain't my baby's daddy!"
---
"Excuse me, are you Yunho?"
Yunho stops chugging his bottle of water and turns around, only to keep from choking on it when he sees Junsu's face smiling brightly at him. "Yeah, um. Sorry. Hi. I'm Yunho." He mentally slaps himself for sounding so dumb. "Junsu, right?"
Junsu nods. "Wow, didn't think you'd know," he says. "Anyway, I heard from um… Heechul, I think? Yeah, that you were looking for a place to stay?"
Damn Heechul, Yunho thinks, but keeps a smile on his face. It figures that four hours later, everyone on this side of Seoul knows he's going to be homeless soon. "Um, sort of, yeah. Do you know of a place?"
"Yeah, my house is 15 minutes away from here and we have some space to spare."
Yunho blinks, thinking he hasn't heard right. "Wait. Are you - the place you're talking about is your own house?" Junsu nods as if his offer is completely normal. Yunho wants to mention how 30 seconds ago, Junsu wasn't even sure who he was talking to. "Look, um. Thanks, that's really kind of you, but we barely even know each other so. It'd just feel awkward and imposing."
"Not really," Junsu says. "I already called and my mom okayed it."
Yunho tries to keep his brain from exploding. On the one hand, his housing troubles could be miraculously fixed in five seconds, but on the other, fixing it would mean he would have to subject himself to being around Junsu and his irritating perfection close to 24 hours a day. "Um… thanks, but no thanks," he says finally, pride winning out over necessity. "I mean, it's really nice of you, but. I just can't feel comfortable about it."
"Are you sure?" Junsu says, and Yunho swears the kid looks a bit dejected.
"Yeah," Yunho says, feeling like maybe he's making the wrong decision too, but that isn't possible. "Thank you, though. Really."
"Okay, well. If things change, let me know."
Yunho just nods, knowing that wasn't going to happen.
---
It happens. Yunho has gone through his entire contacts list and asked everyone who lives in Seoul, but no one has the extra room. He even goes so far as to call some uncles and aunts while knowing that none of them really take kindly to his vocation of choice.
He waits for an opportune moment during training when Junsu is alone instead of around his friend - Hyukjae, he remembers - but that never happens. Yunho didn't think the glue thing was literal, but he could be mistaken sometimes. Watching all day also meant he got to see just how many flips and spins Junsu could do in a row, which was basically too many for Yunho's confidence to handle.
In the end, he's forced to catch Junsu right before he leaves, drawing the attention of the other guys Junsu's with. "Hey, um. Can I talk to you?"
"Sure," Junsu says, and tells everyone to leave without him. "What's up?"
"That offer," Yunho says, looking off to the side before he forces himself to make eye contact. "Is it still good?"
Junsu blinks at him before realization sets in. "Oh! Yeah, totally. I guess I just need to let my mom know when you'd be moving in."
"Um, well, my rent runs out at the end of the month," Yunho says, still unbelieving of how easy this was. "So in two weeks?"
"Cool." Junsu then pulls out his phone. "What's your number?" Yunho must've looked confused, because he adds, "So I can call you with details and stuff if training gets too busy."
"Oh, right, of course, yeah," Yunho says, bumbling and embarrassed. He rattles off his number and watches Junsu's fingers fly across the keys.
It isn't until Junsu's halfway out the door and waving at him that Yunho realizes Junsu has his number but he doesn't have Junsu's.
---
"I'm sorry, who are you moving in with?"
Yunho looks up, half the noodles he just put in his mouth still dangling over his lips. He rolls his eyes at Heechul and slurps them up, mumbling as he chews, "I don't even want to know how you heard."
"I didn't hear," Heechul says, throwing his bag down before sitting down. "I know. Everything. And I know that a week ago you hated Kim Junsu and now you're about to be live-in lovers."
Yunho resists smacking Heechul. "He offered me a place to stay," he says. "I don't even have to pay rent, just help out with chores. I'm going to get home-cooked meals, man. What do you have?"
"Uhh, peace and prosperity knowing I am not sleeping under the same roof as my arch nemesis?"
"I'm going to pretend that was facetious," Yunho says.
"Yeah? I'm going to pretend you're brain damaged and have lost all sense of logic."
Yunho sighs, setting his chopsticks down to show he was Being Serious. "I have nowhere else to go," he says. "Unless I want to take up being a hobo as a night job. And I don't hate him and he is most definitely not my arch nemesis. I mean, he's actually pretty okay, just… really excitable. And kind of ditzy."
"Whatever," Heechul says, stealing Yunho's bowl while he's distracted. "If you strangle him in your sleep, I'm not testifying on your behalf."
---
It turns out hating Junsu is going to be really hard. The first time Yunho meets Junsu's family, he finds them all to be as sickeningly sweet as Junsu. Junsu's dad and brother help with his luggage while Mrs. Kim calls from the kitchen that dinner is almost ready.
"So we were gonna give you the spare," Junsu says, dragging one of Yunho's suitcases down the hall, "but then we decided it'd be better for Junho to move in there and for you to room with me since, you know, we have the same schedule and Junho's studying for university exams."
"Sorry, I feel like a huge nuisance," Yunho says, dropping his bags on his new bed.
"Dude, don't worry about it," Junsu says, sitting down on his. There are a dozen posters of soccer players on his wall, some who Yunho doesn't even recognize. "It sucks that they don't provide housing, especially when most of us can't even work yet. I'm just lucky we live close by. I just hope you don't mind sharing. If it blows, you can switch with Junho."
"No, this is great," Yunho says in a rush. "I can't really complain since you're basically letting me stay here for free. Besides, I don't have a lot of stuff anyway."
"I guess that's good since I, you know, tend to hoard," Junsu says sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.
"I couldn't tell." Yunho bites down on a grin.
"Yeah, yeah." Junsu hops off his bed and waves for him to follow. "Come on, dinner's probably ready. My mom makes killer potato stew."
Yunho doesn't mention how that's his favorite dish.
---
Over the next few weeks, Yunho learns a lot about Junsu. Such as Junsu falls asleep in a normal position, but wakes up like he's been living the life of a contortionist. In the mornings, Junsu gets up ten minutes later than him because he makes up for it during breakfast by inhaling his food at the speed of light. Yunho finds it simultaneously fascinating and gross that he's able to do that without causing bodily harm. It took nearly a week for Yunho to connect the dots and figure out that Junsu and Junho were twins; it had happened during dinner and Yunho's indignation at Junsu for not telling him earlier made Junsu laugh for five minutes straight and fall off his chair.
Junsu's laugh is really weird, Yunho has decided, but it's also kind of contagious. It doesn't really take much to get him going, and Yunho thinks it's fascinating how he can go from serious to joking in around a matter of seconds.
Right now, Yunho watches Junsu dance with Hyukjae and some others while he takes a breather off to the side. This is the only place that he ever sees Junsu look like this, determined and driven, as if they could drop a bag of bricks on his back and he would do it just as easily, and without complaint.
At first Yunho was jealous. And envious. And bitter. But it was hard to stay that way when he saw how much Junsu practiced outside of training. Junsu had told him one night that he'd been singing and dancing for probably four years already. Four years ago, Yunho had been awkward and gangly and barely knew his left foot from his right. Come to think of it, he's still awkward and gangly and tends to trip over furniture that only he seems to think is misplaced.
Their training coach calls for a break and immediately Junsu's face breaks into a grin as he punches Hyukjae's shoulder and teases him for messing up a dance move. Yunho wonders if Junsu even knows that this is a competition, that unless they debut within the next few years, their time here is pretty much going to be a waste. He just doesn't understand the way Junsu's mind works. The way things settle in most people's heads and fester just doesn't happen to Junsu. They seem to bounce off instead, yet Junsu doesn't seem ignorant or naïve. Just spared, Yunho supposes.
"How's life in hell?"
Yunho blinks and looks over before jerking away in terror when he finds Heechul's face mere centimeters from his. "Jesus Christ, don't do that!" he hisses, punching Heechul's arm. "Crazy bastard."
"Speak for yourself," Heechul says, unwrapping his strawberry bread and taking a big bite. "I'm not the one living with my rival."
They've had this conversation so many times that Yunho doesn't even bother to deny it anymore. "I'm still alive, aren't I?"
"I can only presume out of sheer dumb luck," Heechul says. "For some reason, you have a lot of that." He grins and pinches Yunho's cheek. "It's kind of cute."
Yunho makes a face and pushes Heechul away. "Please find a girlfriend instead of using me as a substitute. My personal bubble doesn't appreciate it."
"I just came over to let you know there's another new kid coming today," Heechul says, staring off in front of him. "Supposed to be one of those pretty types."
"Aren't you the resident pretty one?" Yunho says, studying Heechul carefully. He looks weird, but Yunho can't tell what it is. "Why do we need another one?"
Heechul shrugs and stands up. For a second, Yunho swears he sees something resembling worry flash across his face, but then Heechul moves and the light shifts and it's gone. "Whatever, let them come. It's been really boring around here anyway."
"Do you know his name?" Yunho says, stealing some bread before Heechul moves it out of reach.
"Think it's Jaejoong or something like that," Heechul says. "Junjun? Jaejae? Doesn't even matter, I don't think you'll be around him a lot anyway."
"Okay, well," Yunho says, smiling sweetly, "you're still my favorite girl."
It's always a good day when Yunho can fluster Heechul. Today he does that plus makes Heechul turn red. "Whatever, asshole," Heechul says and pelts his leftover bread at Yunho's head before stomping off.
And free strawberry bread. Today is an awesome day.
---
Like Heechul said, Kim Jaejoong is really pretty. Not the kind of pretty that a girl would be, but a little rougher on the edges, the kind that makes you stop and do a double-take, but then think yourself ridiculous for looking twice in the first place. He has these big, wide eyes that look everywhere but at you. When Yunho introduces himself and reaches out for a handshake, Jaejoong's hand actually slips further inside his sleeves just a little before sneaking back out to grasp Yunho's.
"Jung Yunho?" Jaejoong says, his head tilted slightly. "I think I've heard of you. They say you're really good at dancing."
Yunho gets that all the time, actually, but for some reason the way Jaejoong says it makes him feel embarrassed. "Oh, than-" He gets cut off when another body shoves him over, and is surprised to find Junsu the culprit.
"I'm Junsu. Do you dance too?"
If Heechul had done that, Yunho wouldn't have hesitated and would've smacked Heechul upside the head right away. But Junsu - Junsu doesn't do rude. Except he just did which means Yunho doesn't know what to do but stare.
"Um, not really," Jaejoong says, blinking at Junsu. They're the same height, and Yunho's pretty sure Junsu is younger - because everyone around here is older than Junsu - but Jaejoong is the one who looks intimidated. "I'm okay, but two left feet and all that."
"Well, you should get better otherwise they'll kick you out." Junsu doesn't wait for an answer before leaving, grabbing Hyukjae with him.
Yunho watches Junsu walk off with a frown pulling at his mouth, confused about the attitude he just saw. "Sorry," he says to Jaejoong, smiling apologetically. "He's usually not like that."
Jaejoong shrugs. "People don't always like me. I'll live."
"So how old are you?"
"Seventeen. Eighteen in January."
Yunho smiles. "I guess you're my hyung by a few weeks." He's a little surprised when Jaejoong's cheeks puff out, only to deflate again when Jaejoong breathes out, making his lips vibrate. It's a complete 180 from just five minutes ago.
"I'm always the old one," Jaejoong says, pouting.
Yunho laughs. "I need to introduce you to Heechul," he says, throwing an arm over Jaejoong's shoulder like they've been friends for years rather than minutes. "Seriously, he's ancient. And he hates it when you point that out, which is why I love pointing it out and you should too."
Jaejoong laughs too and it's the second time Yunho has been surprised at the sound that comes out. "I like him already."
---
Yunho spends the entire day with Jaejoong, showing him around and letting him know who to avoid. It's almost dark out by the time he heads home and only when he walks in does he realize Junsu didn't wait for him so they could walk back together like usual.
The first thing he sees is Junsu's shoes by the door. One is lying on its side - proof that Junsu had kicked them off lazily. He's fixing them and his own when Junsu's mother peeks her head into the hallway.
"Yunho, did something happen at training today?"
Yunho frowns as he walks toward her. "I don't think so. Why?"
"He just looked like he was in a bad mood," she says, "so I thought perhaps something had happened."
Now he has a good idea why Junsu may be surly about, but still shakes his head and says, "I'll go talk to him."
Yunho knocks quietly before entering their room and stays near the door for now. Junsu is lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling, his hands crossed behind his head. "Hey, you okay?" Junsu glances at him but doesn't answer and Yunho sighs, feet shuffling forward until he's standing above Junsu. "Come on, what was up with today?"
Junsu shrugs. "Nothing."
"Bullshit," Yunho says. He sees Junsu tense and is glad he can still get some sort of reaction. Sitting down by Junsu's feet, he nudges Junsu's legs. "Why don't you like Jaejoong? He's a good guy."
"I dunno. I just don't. He's weird," Junsu finally says. Two-syllable sentences were better than nothing, Yunho tells himself.
"I'll give you weird, but that doesn't mean you can be an ass towards him. Especially on his first day."
Junsu glares at him and sits up. "I was very polite." Yunho snorts and quirks his eyebrow, and watches Junsu wilt in front of him. "Okay, whatever. But I wasn't an ass."
"You told him he was going to get kicked out."
Junsu drops his head and starts picking at the bedspread. This means he's pouting and really, it's better for Yunho not to see since he's found he's awfully receptive to it and now is not the time to be caving under peer pressure. Finally, Junsu sighs and says, "I don't trust him." He's looking up at Yunho with uncertain, worrisome eyes, and biting his nails nervously like he's in trouble for something.
"Don't do that." Yunho reaches up and bats Junsu's hands away from his mouth. "Why don't you trust him?"
Junsu shrugs. "I just don't trust people easily," he says. "Nothing wrong with that."
Yunho is confused. "So why did you trust me then? I mean, you let me live with you even though you barely knew my name."
For the first time, Junsu cracks a smile. "That's different. You're you. Why wouldn't I trust you?"
Yunho isn't sure if he should feel special or embarrassed, so he settles for some weird combination of both. "Um, thanks," he says, smiling back. He ruffles Junsu's hair, messing up the meticulous part down the middle, and laughs when Junsu makes his annoyed noise and slaps him away. "Okay, look. It's fine if you don't trust him, but since you trust me and I say he checks out, be a little nicer?"
Junsu looks at him from underneath his bangs as he fixes his hair. "Fine," he says, face scrunched up petulantly. "But we're not going to become best friends or anything."
Yunho laughs and slings his arm around Junsu's shoulders, dragging him up and out the room. "Good enough for me," he says. "Now come on, I hear killer potato stew awaits us."
---
Things get a little bit better. Junsu only hangs around Jaejoong if Yunho is there too, but Yunho thinks that's better than Junsu glaring daggers for no reason every time Jaejoong walks by. Jaejoong honestly doesn't seem to be miffed, which is surprising, but maybe only because Yunho would never be able to handle it if someone didn't like him and bothered to show it.
He does get annoyed sometimes at their behavior, especially when school and training get stressful enough, but then he has to find time for both of them instead of just hanging out together. He's not sure they know and he isn't going to bring it up, but sometimes he has to push down the urge to shove them into a sandbox and tell them to play nice.
Today is a Jaejoong day and Yunho was told to meet at the park at noon for lunch. He gets there at five after and Jaejoong is easy to spot on one of the benches with his dark hair and pale skin. The group of girls off to the side that are pointing and giggling also help.
"Sorry I'm late," he says, jogging up to Jaejoong. He gives the girls a weird look as he sits down, relaxing when they finally go away.
"It's cool," Jaejoong says, handing him a box of kimbap that's already been started on. "How was vocal training?"
"Same old," Yunho says, staring at the food. "Did you make this?" Jaejoong nods. "Dude, you can cook?"
Jaejoong shrugs. "I have eight sisters."
"Jesus," Yunho breathes. He takes a piece and shoves the entire thing in his mouth. He says with his mouth full, "But why'd you learn? Wouldn't they just make this stuff for you?"
Jaejoong laughs. "Most of them are married with kids," he says. "But I wouldn't recommend you saying that in front of them. Anyway, it's helpful to know how to cook. I mean, what would you do if you had to live by yourself? Buy jajangmyeon every day?"
Yunho clears his throat and doesn't say anything about the validity of that. "Well, this is pretty good so. Good job."
"Thanks," Jaejoong says. "Hey, I've been meaning to ask for a while but, how come you live with Junsu's family? Isn't that kind of weird?"
Yunho's not sure someone who mixes spoonfuls of hot sauce with his rice is at a place to judge levels of weirdness, but he shrugs and says, "I dunno, maybe? I needed a place to stay and he offered."
Jaejoong nods and hums absently, not saying anything else. But the thing about Jaejoong, Yunho has learned, is that there's really not a moment where he doesn't have anything to say, he just pretends it's like that. Right now, Yunho can tell that Jaejoong definitely has something fighting to get out.
"Okay, come on".
"Hm?" Jaejoong looks at him, clearly playing innocent.
"There's something else you're itching to ask," Yunho says. "I can tell. You have the acting chops of a three year old with his hand stuck in the cookie jar."
"Yeah, but I'm so much cuter than some toddler," Jaejoong says, sticking his lower lip out.
Yunho rolls his eyes, unaffected. "So what is it?"
Jaejoong sighs and sits up, turning a little towards Yunho. "Promise you won't freak out or like, hit me?"
Yunho freezes mid-chew, his cheeks stuffed with kimbap as he stares at Jaejoong. "'Cause that's not worrisome or anything," he says after swallowing.
Jaejoong puts the lid back onto the container and says, "You can eat again after I ask. I don't want you to choke."
"Okay, seriously," Yunho says, looking at Jaejoong weird. "What is it? Did someone die?"
"No. Do you have a crush on Junsu?"
Yunho… isn't quite sure what to say to that. Or even how to process it. In fact, he's pretty sure his brain has detached from his body because he can't formulate any thoughts at all. "I'm sorry - what?" he sputters. "I… What?"
Jaejoong sighs and rolls his eyes as if Yunho is slow on the uptake. "Do you have a crush on Junsu?" he says, slower this time. "Do you like-like him? When you see him, do hearts appear in the air around Junsu's face and make you want to pinch his cheeks?" He pauses. "His face ones, not… down there, but if those work too, that's fine, but you just seem too gentlemanly for that."
"Wait," Yunho said, closing his eyes briefly while he holds his hands up. "Just - wait a second. You do know that Junsu is a guy?"
"Um, duh. I know what breasts are."
"So why are you asking me if I like him?" Yunho says, fidgeting a little in his seat. Honestly, he has enough trouble talking about girls, so right now he's a million kinds of embarrassed and uncomfortable, but trying not to show it. He lowers his voice and says awkwardly, "Do I look like I… am that way or something?"
Jaejoong shakes his head. "Not really," he says. "But I didn't say anything about you swinging the other way. I was only talking about Junsu. Totally different."
"How is it different? You just agreed that Junsu is a guy."
"One guy, not all of them."
Yunho shoots Jaejoong a flat look. "You're asking me if I'm selectively gay?"
"I'm asking if you like Junsu," Jaejoong says, poking Yunho's arm emphatically. "Which you still haven't answered yet, don't think I haven't noticed."
"I haven't answered because I don't," Yunho says, scooting out of reach because Jaejoong's bony and poking hurts. "He's just a friend. A really good friend, but still a friend. And I still like boobs."
"Extraneous info noted," Jaejoong says, and jumps up before Yunho can say anything. "We're going to be late for training. Come on."
Yunho gets half a protest out before Jaejoong grabs his arm and starts pulling him along, showing surprising strength. By the time they leave the park he's not even fighting it anymore, too distracted with wondering how he's going to look Junsu in the eye now that Jaejoong has planted that ridiculous notion in his head.
Not that there was any basis for Jaejoong's accusation. Like Junsu said, he was just weird.
---
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
Yunho blushes when he realizes he's been staring and focuses his eyes back on the ceiling. He's lying in bed, covers pulled up to his chest while Junsu changes into his pajamas across the room. Usually this consisted of Junsu hopping on one foot from the dresser and falling over onto his bed before everything was where it was supposed to be.
This meant Yunho had been looking at a half-naked Junsu. He makes a mental note to kill Jaejoong tomorrow.
"Hey, did you hear?" Junsu says, climbing under his mountain of blankets. "They're recruiting even more guys. I think one of them is like, some sort of wunderkind and there's even a kid coming from America. It's like we're turning into Star Trek."
"Huh. That'll be interesting, I guess."
"Yeah." Junsu sighs as he settles into his pillow. "But I don't know why they keep bringing in people instead of debuting them. We're already running out of room in the studios."
Yunho is quiet for a while, then says softly, "Actually, they told Jaejoong and me today we might be part of a group with Heechul and Kangin."
"… What?" Yunho hears ruffling and looks over to see Junsu sitting up, staring at him with his mouth agape. "You're joking with me, right?"
"No?" Yunho says, even though he's pretty sure that was a rhetorical question and answering it may have been the wrong thing to do.
Junsu's mouth open and closes a few times and Yunho can tell he's doing that not because he doesn't know what to say, but because he has too much to say and doesn't know how to get it all out. It doesn't happen often and Yunho always gets worried when it does.
Climbing out of bed, Yunho goes over and sits next to Junsu, drawing his knees up with his ankles crossed. "Sorry I didn't tell you right away."
"It's not that," Junsu says, punching the mattress half-heartedly. "I've been doing this stuff for years now and it's like. It's like now it's been so long that every year that I don't debut just turns into a waste of money. Jaejoong hasn't even been here for six months and already they're putting him in a group? Obviously I should just quit since if I was good enough, I'd be performing already."
"Don't be stupid," Yunho says, knocking their shoulders together. "You're probably the best out of everyone. They're probably saving you for something better. Just because I'm debuting doesn't mean it's going to work out."
"It's going to work out," Junsu says, confident. "It's just how things go. People debut and everyone else gets obsessed." He smiles a little at Yunho. "You're going to be famous."
Yunho gets embarrassed and ducks his head. "I dunno. It'd be better if you were in the group too. I think five sounds better."
Junsu shrugs. "It's okay. Don't worry, I'll still be your fan. You'll be my favorite and I'll make signs and send you disturbing gifts and spam your blog with comments about how much I want to marry you."
"Nothing is more disturbing than your underwear and I've already seen that," Yunho says. "Actually, I've had to touch it to put it in the wash which is really gross."
"Shut up!" Junsu laughs and shoves Yunho, nearly making him fall off the bed. "Anyway, thanks. You'll do awesome, you know. You deserve it."
Yunho smiles and tackles Junsu onto his back, hugging him tightly. Junsu makes a bunch of strangling noises below him and pretends like he's dying, but Yunho doesn't relent. He squeezes Junsu until Junsu sighs and hugs back, patting him between the shoulders.
"Er, are you staying here?" Junsu says a few seconds later, which is when Yunho realizes he's still hanging on. "I mean I'll protect you from nightmares and all that if that's what's going on, but…"
Yunho laughs awkwardly and pulls away, sitting up on his knees. The way the blankets pile around Junsu makes him look like he's sinking and Yunho gets the sudden urge to press his hand to Junsu's chest to see what would happen.
"You're looking at me weird again."
"O-Oh, um, sorry," Yunho mumbles, and quickly goes back to his own bed, practically diving underneath the covers. "Okay, good night, great talk!" he says, then turns to face the wall so Junsu can't see how red he's getting. He ignores Junsu when he hears his name.
No, he's really going to kill Jaejoong tomorrow.
---
"Our name is going to be Four Seasons?" Yunho says, trying not to make a face, but most likely failing. "Seriously?"
It's a few weeks later and they've put Yunho and Jaejoong into private rehearsals with Heechul and Kangin. It's weird not being in a room with 15 other guys, but maybe it's just weird not being in a room with Junsu. Yunho hasn't actually seen him except at home, but now Yunho's always practicing for something tangible instead of just a possibility, and he wants to ask Junsu to help sometimes, but things are different. Yunho doesn't know how or why, but they just are.
"Yes, but that's not what's important," Jaejoong says, waving a hand between them. "Why didn't you tell me there was someone coming from America? Actually, how dare you not tell me?"
"I… thought Heechul would tell you."
"Heechul doesn't know anything," Jaejoong says, and rambles on before Yunho can get a word in edgewise. "Where do you think he's from? Los Angeles? New York? I bet he's going to be a super badass rapper with like, a ton of bling and tattoos and he's going to teach us a bunch of English swear words and it's going to be awesome. This is so cool!"
Yunho stares at Jaejoong like he's grown a third head, which is something that's been happening more and more frequently as Jaejoong shows more of his real personality. But as strange as Jaejoong is, Yunho finds it more amusing than anything.
"I'm not sure you should get your hopes up," Yunho says. "What if he's just like you?"
Jaejoong looks at him like he's dumb. "Um, if he were just like me, he'd be in Korea."
"Right," Yunho says slowly. "Silly me."
"Okay, come on, he's supposed to be here in a few hours!" Jaejoong grabs Yunho's wrist and starts tugging him out of the studio and down the hall.
"If he's not coming for a few hours," Yunho says, stumbling, "why are we going now?"
"Because I hear Heechul and I ate his burger and I don't want him to kill me!"
---
"Four Seasons?" Junsu says, taking another enormous bite of his patbingsoo. It's the first time they've seen each other during training all week and Yunho has almost forgotten what Junsu looks like in his baggy dance clothes that nearly drown him. "Do you each get one?"
"Get one what?" Yunho says, sticking his tongue out to imitate Junsu while he's not looking, trying to figure out how eating something tongue-first even works. He retracts it quickly when Junsu turns to look at him.
"A season," Junsu says. "Four seasons… four of you?"
"Oh," Yunho says, sheepish. "Probably. I guess?"
Junsu looks deep in thought for a second, so Yunho's surprised when all he says is, "I think you should be… autumn."
Yunho laughs softly, running a hand through his hair. "You think so? How come?"
"I dunno," Junsu says, shrugging. "That's just the season you look like to me." He pauses to slurp at all the melted ice in his cup. "What would you want it to be? I guess you could be summer too, but I still think autumn is better."
"Autumn's fine, I like it," Yunho says, not sure what he would say even if he didn't agree. "I pick spring for you."
"Yeah, but. Spring and autumn aren't next to each other," Junsu says, and goes back to eating, saying nothing more. Yunho stares at him, not knowing how to take that but knowing it makes him feel kind of funny inside.
Across the studio, Jaejoong is the first to bombard the kid from America whose name is a very un-American Park Yoochun.
"You're Korean," he hears Jaejoong say, sounding flabbergasted and a little bit disappointed. "Yunho, he's Korean! …Yunho, he speaks Korean and can understand me. Dude, what are you wearing?"
Yunho doesn't reply. He's too busy looking at Junsu.
---
The next day, Yunho corners Jaejoong in the hall right before lunch and drags him into an empty studio. He spent the entire night sleepless because he was watching Junsu instead. There are bags under his eyes; he knows because Junsu asked him about them during breakfast to which he replied with sputtering and baby-babble before excusing himself early.
"Why did you ask if I had a crush on him?" he says, crossing his arms as he stares at Jaejoong. "Just to mess with me?" Even though he is showing blatant irritation, all Jaejoong does is smile at him. This, of course, only makes him more annoyed. "This isn't funny."
"It's kind of funny" Jaejoong says, and covers his mouth until his giggles die down. "I asked 'cause it made sense. You guys live together and you're always around each other. Or, I dunno, you're always around him."
"I am not always around him," Yunho says.
One of Jaejoong's eyebrows goes up. "Um. Yes, you are," he says. "You laugh at everything he says and hug him all the time. Until we got our new schedules, you were even at rehearsals you didn't have to attend just 'cause he had to be there." Yunho blinks at him. "Oh, come on! Are you serious? You were like his oversized shadow."
"I am not his oversized shadow!"
Jaejoong rolls his eyes. "Okay, this game we're playing," he says, pointing his finger between them, "where I say something and you just respond with 'I am not' and then fill in the blank with whatever I said? Boring. Anyway, stop worrying, I said were. You're not his oversized shadow anymore. I guess his new shadow is that other new kid - you know, big ears, doesn't talk much?"
"His name is Changmin," Yunho says. He acts exasperated, but really he's wondering when his spot in Junsu's life that he didn't even know he had got taken from him especially when it hadn't even been that long since this whole group thing started.
"Yeah, him," Jaejoong says. "I see them hanging out together a lot. Maybe it's an age thing. I mean, we hang out a lot too."
"We're going to be debuting in the same group," Yunho says flatly.
"Details. Anyway, didn't I ask you that forever ago? Why are you bringing it up now?"
Yunho slouches against the wall and doesn't answer. What would he say anyway? That maybe Jaejoong had a point back then and maybe Junsu is more than just a good friend? Why bother when the opportunity has passed, he thinks. Now Junsu had someone else to keep him company and seemed to be fine, so why should Yunho rain on everyone's parade by being surly about it? "Was just wondering," he says.
"Okay, well, this was fun." Jaejoong starts shuffling towards the door. "I have to go meet Yoochun for lunch."
"Since when do you hang out with him?"
"Since he started teaching me these American jokes where you insult someone's mother," Jaejoong says. "They're great. You should learn them too. Okay, gotta go!"
Yunho is left in the room by himself, pouting. He doesn't want to learn jokes, he wants to be Junsu's oversized shadow again.
---
As the weeks drag on, Yunho sees less and less of Junsu, even at home. He's always disappearing to practice with Hyukjae or meeting up with Changmin and Yoochun. Sometimes it's just Yunho with Junsu's family at dinner, which is fine, but it's weird and uncomfortable and he doesn't like how Junho looks at him like he just knows. Junsu's mother always asks him what Junsu's up to at the company and lately, he hasn't been able to give her any answers because he's lucky if he even passes Junsu in the café during a ten minute lunch run.
"Changmin says he needs a lot of vocal training," Junsu tells him one night before bed. "The classes aren't enough so me and Yoochun are helping him out."
"There isn't anyone else he can go to?" Yunho says, sitting in bed with a hand mirror, looking at his teeth. The producers have all been talking about getting him surgery if he's going to debut. Yunho's never really had any sort of surgery before, unless he counted the stitches he got when he was three after he fell off a balcony. He doesn't remember that though, so this is really the first time, and he's imagining all the ways it could go wrong.
"Maybe, but he asked me." Junsu climbs on at the foot of the bed, then crawls on all fours to the top before burrowing under his blankets. "It's not like I can't do it or mind. He's a nice kid."
"Well, you don't have to do it all the time," Yunho says, putting the mirror down because even he doesn't like the way he looks when he's being childish and selfish.
"What are you talking about?" Junsu says. "It's two times a week."
"You also go out with Hyukjae."
"Yeah," Junsu says, staring to sound annoyed. "Because he's my friend." Yunho stops himself from saying that they're friends too, not wanting to be ridiculed into next year. "Seriously, what's your problem? You're kind of being a jerk."
"What?"
"Seriously, you've been like a different person lately," Junsu says, staring at the ceiling no matter how much Yunho mentally yells at him to look over. "I know this debut thing is taking up a lot of your time, but you could be a little more considerate and a little less selfish."
"I'm selfish?" Yunho says, twisting his hands in the comforter. "You're the one running around doing what you want. I have to do whatever I'm told whether I like it or not!"
"Oh, so what, because you don't have any more free time, I'm supposed to suffer with you?"
"Yeah, maybe!" Yunho says, glaring back when Junsu narrows his eyes at him. "But I guess you have new friends to hang out with now so it doesn't matter to you what happens to me." He wants to take that back right after he says it, knowing he's stepped over the line, especially when Junsu's anger dissipates into disappointment and hurt, but his voice is suddenly stuck in his throat and he can't make it work no matter how hard he tries.
"Whatever, I'm going to bed," Junsu mumbles finally and turns to face the wall, drawing the covers up to his chin. He doesn't say good night or tell Yunho to turn the lights off.
Yunho wishes Junsu would say something, even if it's just to call Yunho an asshole.
---
Of course he expected it to be bad, but even so Yunho could barely stand getting the cold shoulder from Junsu. By the end of five days, he would've apologized and begged for forgiveness if he weren't so proud.
"Dude, what did you do to Junsu?" Jaejoong says to him during another long day of weekend rehearsal.
Yunho tenses and reminds himself that Jaejoong doesn't know anything. "What are you talking about?"
"Cut the crap," Jaejoong says, gulping down half his bottle of water. "It's obvious something happened with you and him. I know he doesn't get along with me, but I've never seen him unpleasant except for the last few days. I mean, he was basically being a dick to everyone."
"Don't talk about him like that," Yunho says, frowning. "And I don't know. Nothing happened that I know of."
"Liar. Did you even hear what I said? Kim Junsu was being a dick. Only two people could upset him like that, you and his brother. I've already saw him on the phone with his brother, so that leaves you."
Sometimes Yunho really hated how insightful Jaejoong was when he wanted to be. "We got in a fight," he says. "Sort of. I called him selfish for hanging out with other people all the time." He's met with silence and when he looks up, Jaejoong is staring at him like he's stupid, which is about right.
"Why," Jaejoong says slowly, "would you be such a dumbass?"
"Well, he is hanging out with other people all the time," Yunho says, his voice starting at a normal volume but ending meekly, knowing he has nothing. He sighs. "I don't know. He hasn't said a word to me in a week. He's probably going to kick me out of his house soon."
"It's probably what you deserve," Jaejoong says. "Why did you even say it?"
Yunho mumbles something unintelligible even to himself, shrugging.
"Try again using words."
"I don't know," Yunho says. "I was… jealous, or something… maybe."
"And why were you jealous something maybe?"
Yunho pouts. "I don't want to tell you."
"I already know," Jaejoong says. "And if you don't say it, I am more than willing to. In fact, I am so willing that Heechul might even hear and then everyone would know."
Yunho stares at Jaejoong, both unsurprised and terrified that he already knows what's going on. Unsurprised because he's seen Jaejoong figure out other people's problems dozens of times and terrified because he's still scared of how he feels about Junsu and what it means. "I like him," he says finally, so quiet he's barely enunciating, but he says it. "The way you asked me before. Like that. I like him like that."
Jaejoong doesn't say anything to him right away and for a second, Yunho thinks Jaejoong thought wrong and that was the last thing he expected, and now everyone in Seoul is going to know that Jung Yunho likes guys. But he doesn't like all guys, at least not right now, he just likes Junsu and doesn't everyone like Junsu just a little?
"So when, exactly, are you going to apologize to him for lacking a brain?"
"Huh?"
"You said it's been a week," Jaejoong says. "Obviously, you were wrong. You know you were wrong, but since Junsu was still being a dick yesterday, I can only assume you haven't apologized to him. Therefore, when are you going to stop being a dick?"
"Are you always this terrifying when you're being logical?"
Jaejoong beams at him. "Yeah, it's why I don't do it a lot, for maximum effect."
---
When he gets home from practice that night, Yunho finds Junsu playing video games in the living room with Junho. He waits for a break, then asks Junsu if they could talk, trying his best to ignore Junho's presence completely since his confidence is already at an all-time low.
Yunho walks in front of Junsu to their room. He doesn't look back to make sure Junsu's following, but is constantly aware of the scuffling of Junsu's socked feet over the hardwood floors. They're barely in the room when he turns around and blurts out, "I'm sorry," wanting to get it over with so he doesn't chicken out. He closes the door and leans against it, not sure if it's to keep Junsu from leaving or so he could run away easily if he had to. "You're not selfish," he says. "And you can hang out with whomever you want. I was being an asshole."
"So why'd you say it?" Junsu is watching him coldly, everything about him guarded. It makes Yunho feel hopeless.
Yunho shrugs and mumbles, "I was jealous. You and I used to hang out all the time and it was great, and then all this debut shit happened and suddenly you were hanging out all the time with people that weren't me. It just sucked to hear that, that's all."
"God, hyung," Junsu says, and it's a relief just to hear that word even if it's said in annoyance, "it's not like I don't want to do stuff with you anymore. You're just never around. What did you expect?"
"I don't know," Yunho says, staring at the floor as he toes at the carpet. "I was being stupid and just wanted to apologize. You don't have to forgive me. I know I was really out of line." He doesn't get a reply, but suddenly he sees Junsu's feet in front of his.
"I know I don't have to," Junsu says. "But I do."
Yunho thinks Junsu's face is lot closer to his than it would normally be, but it's been so long since they've been in the same room other than to sleep or dance he has no idea if it's just imagining it or not. His thoughts get interrupted when Junsu leans in and hugs him, arms wrapped tightly around Yunho's middle. It feels nice, better than nice, and he says Junsu's name just in case he starts enjoying it too much.
Junsu pulls away, but suddenly there's a mouth pressed to Yunho's and his eyes widen when he realizes Junsu is kissing him. It's awkward and their lips don't quite fit together properly, but it's still a kiss and Yunho's brain feels like it's going to explode.
"I - um. What? I don't - I don't understand. I . Hm." Yunho touches his mouth, wondering if that really happened, trying to find the imprint Junsu's lips left behind.
"I thought you," Junsu says, looking horrified. "I mean, those times when you were looking at me. Oh my god - shit. God, I'm sorry." He tries to get past Yunho and to the door, but Yunho grabs his elbow, still staring at him like he isn't quite real.
"You meant it?" Yunho says, his mouth feeling like it's stuffed with cotton. "I don't need to know why or how long or whatever. Just - you meant it?"
Junsu nods and that's all the permission Yunho needs. He pulls Junsu in front of him again and kisses him for real, pressing his mouth to Junsu's over and over. He stops only because his lungs ache, but he keeps Junsu close to him, their breaths mixing between them.
Junsu is smiling at him and Yunho didn't know how much he missed seeing that until it's right there in front of him.
---
"Hey," Jaejoong says, sitting himself down at the booth where Yunho and Junsu are eating lunch. Underneath the table, Yunho pulls his foot away from Junsu's quickly. "So, guess what I just heard?"
"Hi, Jaejoong-hyung." "Is that a rhetorical question?"
"Shut up. They're not doing Four Seasons anymore."
Yunho frowns. "They're changing the name?"
"No," Jaejoong says. He grabs an empty plate and dumps some hot sauce in it, then starts eating it by dipping a chopstick in and licking it clean. "The entire thing. We're not debuting anymore."
"What?" Junsu frowns at him from across the table. "But -- you've been practicing forever and Heechul finally let you have Spring after you won the drinking bet! It's not fair that they're just going to trash everything."
Yunho thinks he should probably feel more distraught than he is since his dreams have just been crushed, but he's too distracted by how cute Junsu looks when upset to bother at the moment. Besides, Jaejoong is grinning at them in that way where Yunho knows they haven't even heard half of it.
"Maybe, but I hear they have bigger plans," Jaejoong says, twirling a chopstick between his fingers. He stops and points it at Yunho while picking up the other to point it at Junsu. "A new group. With five guys."
"Five?" Junsu says, and Yunho can both see and hear the glimmer of hope.
Jaejoong nods. "I also hear that someone at this table was first pick," he says. "And it's not me or Big Foot over there."
Yunho kicks Jaejoong under the table, but smiles at Junsu. "I guess it's good you held out."
Junsu beams at him like a kid on his birthday surrounded by a mountain of presents. "Just like you said, five is better."
"... Hey, is something going on?" Yunho looks over to see Jaejoong watching them suspiciously, the chopsticks up by his eyes like makeshift telescopes. "Oh my god, are you two going out? Is our group going to have a secret gay couple?"
Yunho and Junsu glance at each other briefly, then Yunho says, "Come on, hyung. You know everything, so of course you'd know if something as big as that was going on."
"You're messing with me. I'm going to find out." Jaejoong gets up from the table, but keeps pointing at them as he slowly walks away. "I have to go do something very important right now, but I'm going to find out!"
When Jaejoong finally leaves, Yunho not-so-sneakily grabs Junsu's hand under the table and tries not to blush too much. "So, when are we going to let him know?"
Junsu shrugs. "When he decides to tell us about him and Yoochun."
"... He's doing stuff with Yoochun?!"
"Hyung, has anyone ever told you you're really oblivious?"