fanfic; california diaries
I have stopped writing fic and deleted almost every one on here, but I found my CA Diaries ones stored away and since there are so few out there, thought I'd repost them. Hopefully someone will find them if they're looking.
summer.
california diaries; dawn/sunny.
nc-17. 6,023. :: Curiosity killed the cat. Or rather, brought it to life. // [[femmeslash, masturbation/sex]]
Summer
School's out and I'm a little terrified. Senior year in the fall and this summer I'm not sure if I'm going to be visiting Stoneybrook. My mom told me she and Richard are going to Brazil for about a month and although it would be amazing to spend a big chunk of the summer with Mary Anne, I'd like to visit Stoneybrook to see my mom.
Sunny and I haven't made any plans yet. We should plan our whole summer soon I think - everyone else is going to be gone and I don't want a boring do-nothing-everyday kind of summer. Maggie decided to accompany Tyler to the movie set of his next film over in Europe and won't be back until the day before school starts. I think it's sweet she and him are still together even if I'll miss her this summer while she's gone. Amalia is visiting family in Mexico which she's really excited about and Ducky is visiting Alex in Chicago for a couple weeks, up until Alex is supposed to be released from the facility he's at and then they're going to go on a roadtrip back here or something. I hope everyone calls often.
Mostly, it'll just be me and Sunny.
- - -
"I'm bored."
"Me too."
"Wanna go to the beach?"
"I don't want to move. It's too hot. I can't imagine being around hot sand."
"The mall?"
"Don't you think we've grown out of the mall?"
"Sprinklers in the backyard?"
"Yeah, all right."
- - -
Sunny and I do a lot of surfing, something we haven't done much of since we were pre-teens. It's a little like riding a bicycle for us as we wait in the waves, splashing water at each other and talking, joking. We're also showing off a little. It's hot here in the summer so the Pacific feels phenomenal. Sunny and I wear bathing suits. Two piece bathing suits because to be honest, neither of us are iffy about our bodies.
Sunny does a lot of flirting. I do a little myself, but it's mostly just to be polite to the guys who pay me attention. I'm not looking for a fling or relationship right now.
As we wait for a wave, I sigh before sliding off my board and into the water.
"What are you doing?" Sunny snorts.
"I was getting hot," I reply as I hoist myself up back on and run my hands over my face, pushing off the excess water. I glance at Sunny who's giving me a sort of odd look, a lingering look that sends a shock of something up my spine and completely through me.
"What're you looking at?" I ask, splashing some water at her. She shakes her head, getting out of her own headspace.
"Nothin', Blondie. Hey, a wave."
- - -
Sunny and I decided that since we don't even know where we want to go to college and thus might be seperated after senior year, we need to spend as much time together as possible between now and day one of college. Most nights I spend the night at her house. We love Gracie, but she can get bothersome. It's sweet because she looks up to us and I should be used to little children due to all my babysitting experience, but maybe I've lost it. I love kids, but can't find the energy to entertain Gracie all evening when all I want to do is be with Sunny.
- - -
"Would you rather. . ." Sunny asks. We've been playing this game for almost an hour as I mindlessly flip through Sunny's old magazines and she channel surfs with the television on mute. "Lose your virginity to a pervy old man or live in a haunted house for the rest of your life?"
"What the hell, Sunny?" I ask. Her choices have gotten stranger and stranger as the hour has gone on and I'm about to call it quits.
"Well, which would you rather do?"
"Which would you rather do?"
She stops flicking channels and looks thoughtful. "Pervy old man. Definitely."
"Ew, gross. Why?"
"So you'd rather live in a haunted house? You'd rather be scared all the time and never get a decent night's sleep for the rest of your life?"
"I'm not saying that but why would you indugle a pervert's fantasies?"
"Because you only have to do it once. You fuck him and you're done! Move on with your life," she responds. It sounds like she thought a lot about it in the short time she was thinking. She makes a good point.
"Have you?"
"Have I what?" her eyes are glued to the television again as she surfs, finding nothing.
"Have you had sex?"
"With a pervy old man?" she asks incredulously, joking.
"Sunny," I scold with a breath of laughter.
"No, but I really want to, just to get it over with, you know?"
"Haven't you had opportunities?"
"Yeah, but I chickened out. I sort of talked to Carol about it, asked her about her first time-"
"She didn't actually tell you, did she?" I interject.
"Yes," Sunny laughs.
"You're not going to tell me about it are you?"
"Only if you want me to," she turns the television off and I flip the magazine closed.
"No thanks."
"Anyway, she said it does hurt, which I expect, but it doesn't make me any less scared about it."
"The girl who's got too many piercings is scared of pain?" you kid. Sunny rolls her eyes.
"It's a different pain and the piercings don't hurt that much!"
A beat of silence passes between us.
"You could always stretch yourself, you know," I advise with a slight blush.
"And you would suggest and know this because. . .?"
"Just trying to help."
"Have you had sex, Dawn?"
"No!" I say defensively.
"Do you want to?"
"Someday, yeah."
"Have you ever. . . you know, masturbated?"
I gnaw on my lip anxiously. I never wanted to admit to anyone that I had tried it a couple times.
"Have you?"
"I'll tell if you tell."
"A couple times. . ."
"Did you, like, penetrate yourself?"
"Um, yeah. . ."
"Hands or dildo or what?"
"Sunny!" I can feel that I'm blushing pretty bad at this point and want to turn the conversation to her.
"Answer and then that's it, I swear."
"Hands."
"Did you orgasm?"
"Sunny! You said you'd stop."
"Last question. Then you can ask me. Answer, please?" she gives me a pouty lip and ducks her head.
"Yeah, I did. Now you answer: have you masturbated?"
"One last question?" she grins with hope, holding up a finger to signify that it's one question.
"Sunn-y," I whine and warn.
"Just one! I'll answer it too, okay? I'll answer all the questions I've asked you and then some if you want. Just answer one more for me."
"Who where you thinking about, what was happening when you came?" she sounds excited to hear my imaginary sex story. I feel awkward and moreso by the second.
"Tom Murphy," I murmur and Sunny squeals.
"You mean that boy on the track team? He't got a nice body. Good on you, Dawn!"
My face is burning.
"So, Tom Murphy made you come? What was he doing?"
"You said that was a-"
"I believe I said who and what was happening when you came," she corrects and I grumble.
"We were in the locker room," I avoid looking at her. When I glance at her she's biting her lip in anticipation to hear my fantasy and decide to not glance at her again. "It was after he'd had track practice although I'm not sure what I was doing there."
"It's a fantasy, Dawn, roll with it. Continue."
"He'd finished showering and I went into the shower room and the shower was still on and there was steam everywhere. I approached him, he turned around, and he saw me. He kissed me and in my head, Sunny, it was. . . Wow, pretty awesome and powerful. We're in the shower just making out you know and getting wet from the steam and ugh, it was nice."
"Then what happened?" Sunny asks, getting into my fantasy.
"I'll spare you the details, but I was disrobed and he did amazing things with his hands-"
"You mean your hands?" she giggles. I give her a pointed look.
"And that did the trick. Now your turn. Have you pleasured youself, Sunshine Winslow?"
The phone starts ringing and Sunny jumps up to get it. After she answers it and has a quick conversation with her dad - who's been more attentive since Mrs. Winslow passed away, but still spends almost every waking hour at the book store.
She settles back on the couch next to me and asks, "So where were we?"
"You were going to tell me if you've ever, you know, masturbated?"
"Oh, right," she looks away from me.
Creasing my eyebrow I think I know what she's trying to tell me without words.
"You've never tried it?"
"Nope," she admits, like it's bad.
"It's not a big deal, Sunny. Actually, I feel kind of weird having done it now cause you haven't. . ."
"Why?"
"Well, I figured if any of us had any sexual experience, with ourselves or anyone else, it would be you."
She smiles knowingly. "Yeah, guess not."
There's an awkward silence, which doesn't happen often between us.
"Want to order pizza?" Sunny asks.
"Sure."
"Veggie?"
"I was thinking just cheese," I respond as she grabs the phone and dials.
- - -
Amalia calls me from Mexico. I'm still thinking about the conversation I had with Sunny a few days before but I'm not sure why.
"Hi, Dawn!" she says.
"Hey, Amalia. How's Mexico?"
"It's so great, just being here and seeing my family. You should see the beaches here. They're amazing!"
"Good, I'm glad you're having so much fun."
"How are you and Sunny? What have you been up to?"
"Not much. We've sort of been trying to relive our childhoods, playing in sprinklers and eating alien faces."
"Alien faces?"
"When we were little we'd make what Sunny's mom called alien faces. You put peanut butter on bread and get M&Ms and sprinkles and cheerios and stuff like that and make a face and eat it."
"That's so cute. We have to do that when I come back!"
"When is that anyway?"
"It's supposed to be in two weeks, but my cousins want me to stay longer so I can meet their friends who are in Mérida - we're in Puerto Vallarta, so I might be trading the plane tickets for a later flight."
"Aw," I whine. "Sunny and I miss you!"
"I miss you guys, too."
She asks about how everyone from Vanish is doing (which I don't know the answer to, so I give generic answers like, 'fine' and 'good') and asks if anyone else has called me or Sunny this summer, which they haven't that much. All having too much fun I guess.
"Amalia?" I ask tentatively after several minutes of inane conversation.
"Hmm?"
"Have you. . . Okay this is a really akward and random question, but Sunny and I were talking about it," I start.
"Yeah?"
"Have you ever had sex?" even though it's on the phone, I'm blushing.
There's a beat of silence before she answers, "Sorry, had to go to my room so my mom or dad wouldn't hear, but, um, yeah."
"Oh," I reply, a little surprised. "With Brendan?"
"Yeah,"
"Oh, good. I was worried you'd meant James because we were, like, fourteen, you know?"
"Yeah, no. Brendan. We did it recently, actually. In May, I think?"
"Well good for you. I think it's nice you trust him enough to do that, you know? Oh! Sunny, if I tell her, will want to ask you about it. Do you mind if I tell her?"
"No, go ahead."
"She'll probably mention it if you call her," I say with a breath of laughter.
"Dawn, I have to go. My mom is telling me to get off the phone and visit with my family. Plus, it's almost dinner time."
"Aw, okay then. I'm glad you called."
"Me too!"
"I miss you."
"Miss you more," she challenges.
"Kisses."
"Kisses."
"Talk to you later."
"Adios, mi amor."
- - -
Sunny calls me halfway through the summer and asks me to come over so of course I do.
"What is it, Sunny?" I ask.
"Okay, so I was thinking about that conversation about masturbation we had a few weeks ago, right?"
"Uh-huh," I acknowledge.
"And so I tried it," she seems pretty excited.
"What'd you think?"
"I think why didn't I try it sooner?! It was amazing, Dawn. I really didn't expect it to be like that at all."
"So what'd you think about? Details?" I ask, tickling her arm. She looks a little bashful, but her eyes are still lit up in excitement. Her cheeks are stained pink.
"Nothin'," she replies and I look at her pointedly.
"Come on, you drew my entire fantasy out of me. Spill!"
"Not my fault you're a chatter box!" she teases, shoving me slightly, grinning.
"Tell me the who, what, where," I nudge.
"Fine, I'll throw you a bone. It was here in my house and there was this really heavy make out session with a ton of groping and hands in each other's pants. Magical, magical hands."
"But you won't tell me who?"
"Nope."
"It's someone we know, huh? Oh my God, was it Ducky?" I ask.
"No!" she blushes. "It wasn't Ducky."
A beat of silence. "Don't tell, but I think Ducky might be gay and just doesn't know it," she says with a small shrug.
"Really?" I question.
"Yeah. I mean, how perfect would we have been together and he just wouldn't? And have you ever seen him with or talk about or even look at girls?"
"No. . ."
"On top of that, he's, like, crazy obsessed and attached to Alex. Are you seriously telling me you've never thought of it?"
"Not really, but it does make sense. So, if it wasn't Ducky, who was it?"
"No one. Hey, let's go see a movie," she grabs her bag and keys and we go to the theatre. I think it's a little weird she's avoiding it so much, but if she doesn't want to tell me, I can't force her. Plus, going to the movies will get us out of the heat and into someplace air conditioned.
- - -
Carol and my dad are out tonight, Jeff is at a friend's, and Gracie is fast asleep in her room. Sunny and I are in my room. She brought over a bottle of Vermouth. I'm surprised she still drinks after all the drunken mishaps she's had since eighth grade. But drink she does and every once in a while, I take a gulp or two with her.
She puts the bottle to her lips and swigs back a few large gulps, straining and tightlipped as she swallows it. I cringe at her and take the bottle, pouring a shot into the shot glass I got from the kitchen, throwing it down my throat.
"Lightweight," she calls me.
"No, responsible."
"Pfft," she waves my words away before leaning over to take the bottle from me.
"No, you've had enough," I snicker as she leans against me. Truthfully, Sunny could hold a lot more but I don't see why I should allow her to gorge herself on the stuff. Right now she's just tipsy.
She sighs and rests her head on my shoulder.
"Dawn, do you think we'll always be friends?"
"Duh," I reply, placing the bottle on my side table.
"No, I mean, do you think we'll always be able to hang out. Or do you think we'll be like our parents and move to different places and never see our friends again?"
"Course not," I whisper and begin playing with her hair. She nestles her head deeper into the crook of my neck and shoulder.
"Hmm, that feels nice," she tells me as I keep running my fingers along her scalp and through her strands of hair.
"Your hair is soft," I compliment. She lifts her head up and kisses my jawline softly, like she would kiss me on the cheek or forehead. Sunny and I are just touchy like that, like best friends just are.
"Your skin is soft," she plants a firm kiss on my cheek, reaching up.
I face her and smile my thanks. She makes a humming noise low in her throat before pushing herself up and touching her lips to mine. I don't even think, I just respond and purse my lips against hers. It's almost an ideal kiss - her lips are soft and perfect, but the kiss is firm and undeniable. She parts her lips slightly and I reciprocate the action. A shiver runs through me as her tongue tentatively grazes my bottom lip and I sigh into her mouth. She sits up more, pressing desperately against my lips, one of her hands gripping my shoulder. I find one of my hands gently cupping the side of her neck.
Her other hand threads through my hair as she pushes me back a little so she's slightly leaning over me when the phone rings. She jumps away from me and I gasp. She runs an anxious hand through her hair as I slip off my bed and answer the cordless receiver I've kept in my room in case there was a call while Sunny and I were hanging out.
"Oh, hi, Mom," I answer cheerily, honestly surprised to hear from her. Sunny seems to clam up a little as I settle at the edge of my bed to talk with her.
"Hi, sweetie. How's your summer been?"
"Good, great. How's Brazil?"
"Well that's why I'm calling. Richard had a little accident and broke his leg-"
"Oh no! Is he okay?" I ask, worried.
"Yes, he's fine, but we've had to cut our vacation short because of it. So I was wondering if you'd like to come visit Stoneybrook afterall."
"Oh," I say, surprised and unsure. "Can I think about it and get back to you?"
"Of course, honey."
"Are you home already?"
"No, but we will be in a few days. How about you think about it and I'll call you when I get home?"
"Sounds great."
"I love you, Dawn."
"Love you too, Mom. Bye."
I hang up and look to Sunny who looks at me like she's sorry for kissing me. I ignore her look and tell her about the call.
"My mom wants me to visit Stoneybrook."
"Hmm," is all she says and starts biting at one of her fingernails, small flecks of nail polish scattering on her lips.
"She's gonna call back in a couple days." Silence. "I think I'm going to go. . ."
"Oh, cool," she says lamely, like she's trying to sound upbeat and positive about it.
- - -
I decide to go to Stoneybrook for a week. Sunny's acted weird since we kissed at my house. I feel maybe she thinks I'm leaving on purpose even though she's the one acting strange about it. I figure these things happen between friends sometimes and to be honest, I kind of liked it. Sunny knows how to kiss.
We say goodbye for the week in front of my house before my dad drives me to the airport and I wait an obnoxiously long time to get on a flight that takes me to Tennessee so I can transfer planes to Connecticut, but not before waiting more.
I think about Sunny almost the whole time. I miss her already.
- - -
It's wonderful to see my mom and Mary Anne, but I'm not as excited or happy to be here as I thought I'd be. In fact, I'm only enthralled when on my second day in Stoneybrook Sunny calls me.
"Sunny, it's so good to hear from you," I breathe with a smile, shutting myself into my room.
"I miss you," she pouts.
"I'll be back in five days! Be strong," I joke.
"Yeah, listen, I need to talk to you. Like, serious talk."
"Did something happen? What'd you do? You're not calling me from. . . from jail or anything, are you?" I ask, worried. She did that only once and I was worried and furious - I almost let her stay the night there because that's what she'd deserve for driving inebriated and with minors (some of her party-goer friends I don't even know) in the car when she hadn't had her license for a year.
"No! No, not jail," she replies and I hear the smile in her voice. "And that was just one time."
"Okay, what it is. Girl to girl, totally serious."
"I - okay it's really hard for me," she begins.
"Take your time," I encourage. I'm a little worried and completely intrigued.
"Remember how we kissed, like, a week ago?"
"Yeah."
"It's made me feel all weird, Dawn. I can't think straight anymore."
I listen quietly, biting my lip a little in worry. Is she saying what I think she's saying?
"And it's not just that," she continues, "it's been like this almost all summer. When we went surfing, I couldn't stop looking at you. You're so beautiful, Dawn, you really are just such a beautiful person and I don't want to lose you by telling you all this stuff. . ."
"You're not going to lose me, Sunny," I promise. "Continue, please. I want to hear what you have to say."
"I, well, when I told you about the, um, masturbation thing?" her voice cracks nervously and I suddenly feel a bit awful. I pressed and pressed and she had a good reason for not telling me apparently. "It was because it was you I was thinking about and then we kissed and I dunno. I mean, what if I'm a lesbian, Dawn?"
I can't help but laugh.
"Dawn? Dawn! This isn't funny, I'm serious. Why are you laughing?"
"You're not a lesbian, Sunny. Have you seen you around guys?"
"What if it's a subconcious cover-up?"
"What if maybe you're bisexual?" I suggest. She's silent.
"Maybe. . . What do you think my mom would say about all this?" she sighs heavily.
"I think she'd support whatever you were. I think she wouldn't care if you had a crush on me, for which I am truly flattered," I say, half kidding, half meaning it. "Your mom loves you."
"Loved. She Loved me," Sunny says.
"No, loves."
Sunny huffs a flustered sigh into the phone, so I say, "Look, I'll be home in a few days. Hold tight until then and we can talk more when I get back. Okay?"
"Yeah, I guess. I really miss you."
"I wish I could hug you over the phone," I tell her.
"Oh, Dad's home. I should go. See you soon?"
"Yeah. Love you, Sunny."
"Bye, Dawn."
As strange as that conversation was, it didn't feel strange and I sort of expected it. Now I really can't wait to get back to Palo City.
- - -
I find Ducky and Sunny hanging out when I get home. I'm a little jet lagged, but really am desperate to see Sunny. As I'm walking from the car to the house, rolling my luggage behind me, Sunny comes running out from her house.
"Dawn!" she calls to me. I drop my luggage to wrap my arms around her as she jumps at me. Ducky comes out of her house and walks over to us.
"Hey, Ducky!" I yell after Sunny and I have hugged.
"Dawn," he smiles and we hug too.
"How was the roadtrip?" I ask.
"Great! I was just telling Sunny about it. Alex is a lot better."
"That's wonderful. He's been in therapy a bit, hasn't he?"
"Yeah."
"Forget the roadtrip," Sunny butts in, "tell us all about college." She grabs his arm and we go back into her house - my dad gets my luggage. Sunny sits entranced as Ducky tells us all about the people he's met at UCLA and his classes and the parties.
"I can't wait for college!" Sunny exclaims, leaning back on her bed, belly button ring exposed. My eyes wander up into the shadows of her shirt before I snap myself out of it.
"Hold on there, tiger," I tease, tickling the side of her stomach. She squeals and shifts away from me. "You have to finish senior year first."
"You mean she has to start it first," Ducky corrects.
"Whatever," Sunny says with a smile and a shake of her head. Her smile is so beautiful and what am I saying? Do I like Sunny, too?
- - -
Sunny and I spend every waking moment together, since I got back from Stoneybrook. It feels good. There's something mutual there, beneath our friendship, beneath what everyone else sees between us. I don't know what it is or if we should take anything anywhere. I'm confused and don't know how to feel because I'm supposed to like boys right? Not that there's anything wrong with liking girls, but I'm straight and even if I wasn't it's not supposed to be my best friend.
We hold hands a lot. We'll sit on the couch, watching TV, and our hands will be touching if not wrapped in the other's fingers. When we go to the beach we're usually holding hands while we walk along the beach, pier, and boardwalk shopping strip. We split large fruit smoothies, two straws like a 1950s couple.
We always did these things before , but now it feels different. I think I like it, but I don't think I'm supposed to.
- - -
Another sleep over and this time there aren't any weird Would You Rather games or alcohol. It's just Sunny and I in her room, watching TV in silence. We're on her bed, backs against the wall, shoulders touching. I can't stop glancing at her. I don't know when I began paying so much attention to her and why I can't stop.
"Sunny?" I ask.
"Yes?" she looks to me.
"How far have you gone with a guy?"
"I've done almost everything except sex, really," she replies without a hint of embarrassment.
Silence settles between us, not awkward.
I can't help but imagine the guys who's faces I can actually remember doing all sorts of things to Sunny and having Sunny do things to them. It makes me feel uncomfortable and weird, especially when I think of Sunny giving who knows how many guys blow jobs and those guys going down on her. . . I force myself to not think about it.
"Sunny?" I ask again. I can feel her name stick in my throat because I have no idea what is compelling me to say what I'm going to say next. "Could you. . . show me?"
"Show you what?" she looks at me, interested and confused.
"What you've done. Show me?" I ask, my cheeks flaming.
"Really? Like, you want me to show you what my boyfriends did to me?" She leans in at me, low and somewhat predatory. My face is on fire and my heart is racing for being humiliated and embarrassed and incredibly turned on by the way she's looking at me with this glint in her eye.
"Y-yes," I barely manage to choke out as she kisses me, not hesitating in getting into it really quick, grabbing my head roughly and slipping her tongue in my mouth. I feel breathless as she runs her hand beneath my shirt, hiking it up, causing me to gasp as her warm fingers graze against my skin, feeling me up roughly. I arch up into her and she guides me down on my back, kissing me, putting the kisses on my jawline and down my neck, causing me to hum and whimper in approval. Her lips still on my neck, the hand touching my breasts trails down my abdomen and unbuttons my shorts. My breath hitches in my throat from embarassment and the feeling. Her hand feels better than anything I've ever felt as it slides past my underwear and touches me where no one but myself has touched.
I moan as her fingers work, breathing heavily. She's stopped kissing my neck, but I can feel her lips and heated breath at my throat. She stops with her hand and slides down my body, kissing my stomach and tracing the faint lines of my hip bones with her fingers before hooking at the waistband of my underwear and shorts to pull them down. I sit up a little to watch what she's doing.
"What're you-" I start, but the interrupts.
"You want me to show you or not?" her voice is heady and beautiful. A strangled, helpless sound comes out of my throat as I lay back flat on her bed. My bottom half is completely naked and I feel anxious and excited about what Sunny's going to do. I can feel her breath ghosting against the inside of my thighs, cooling my genitals because to be frank, Sunny has made me wet. I am not prepared when her lips press against me and her tongue darts out delicately. I gasp audibly and wriggle. She hold my hips and I clench my fists into her sheets as she works her tongue slowly, teasing, testing.
"Sunny," I pant as she works her tongue over the same spot over and over, eliciting an obscene amount of noise from me. One of my hand tangles in her hair as I feel my lower abdomen tighten and release and an orgasm rips through me. I choke back the loud moan that's bubbling in my throat. Sunny lifts her head from between my legs and wipes at her lips, a smug smile on her face.
"God, Sunny," I breathe, unable to move, my whole body tingling and weak.
The rest of the summer is not the same.
- - -
Everyone returns back to Palo City when there's a week and a half left until school. Unfortunately, Ducky had to go back to his college campus, but told Sunny and I to give everyone else his regards which we of course promised to do.
Sunny and I don't tell anyone about our. . . well, our Summer of Love, as lame as it sounds, it's sort of true. Sunny and I love each other. Whether it's just our normal love brought to the next level or if we're actually in love, I can't really say or even pretend to know.
Telling Maggie and Amalia is weird. Sunny and I freak out on our way to Maggie's house. It's actually kind of weird. Maggie decided to move out early. Her mom refused to get help for her alcohol abuse and Maggie came to the conclusion that she couldn't live at home anymore. It was pretty dramatic and Maggie stayed over at Amalia's a lot before the decision was made, but her dad helps support her now and she has a job working at the pet store in the mall and a second job at the grocery store, plus school. It's actually really admirable. So, Sunny and I are on our way to her apartment, music blaring, stomachs churning, nerves tying everything into knots.
We pull up at the curb in front of the apartment complex Maggie lives in and Sunny kills the engine.
"Are you ready for this?" she asks me, worrying her lip with her teeth. Now is not the time to think Sunny looks unbelievable and that I want to do things to her. . .
"Yeah," I huff a huge sigh and we exit the car. We both fidget after knocking on Maggie's door and she answers, all smiles to see us. Some of the worry melts away at seeing her because I haven't seen Maggie since the last day of school.
"Dawn! Sunny!" Maggie greets us, giving us hugs at the same time.
"Tell us all about Europe," I say as we enter the apartment.
"Tell us all about Tyler," Sunny says suggestively.
"Well, I've been to Europe before. It was great, like always. Tyler and I actually didn't see much of each other; he was working on the film most of the time and when he wasn't on set he was dead tired. I brought Zeke along and he and I hung out a lot instead, which was nice."
"What a cop out," Sunny comments, opening Maggie's fridge and pulling out a juice pouch.
"As long as you had fun," I assure her.
"What did you two do all summer?"
There's a knock on the door and Amalia lets herself in. I guess she has a key. The four of us hug and greet Amalia and she does the same to us.
"Tell us all about Mexico," Sunny commands, eyes lit up. Sunny really wants to go to Cancún and a bunch of other party spring break cities.
"It's so beautiful. I have to take you guys there someday. I had such a blast when I met up with my cousins' friends! They're all older, you know? So we went clubbing. I wasn't allowed to get drinks obviously, but my cousin Martí, her boyfriend Miguel bought us all rounds and I got so wasted. It was awful!"
"I know," Maggie butt in, "You drunk dialed me!"
"Amalia!" I scolded in jest.
"I don't even remember. I had the worst hang over the next day. Ugh."
"Don't they suck?" Sunny contributes.
"It was the worst!"
Turning to Maggie, Sunny asks, "What did Amalia say when she dialed you?"
"It was hilarious!" Maggie giggles, "I actually still think I have the message. She called my phone here instead of my cell." Maggie gets up and goes through the ten unerased messages on her answering machine. A few of them are from Tyler and she skips over them. "Here it is!"
The machine beeps and Amalia hides her face as the staticy noise of breathing is heard. "Maaaaaagggiiieee. Oh my God, chica. I love you. Looooove you. You're gonna be so famous. Una estrella mucho muy bonita." Amalia then began to sing an awful rendition of 'Fallen Angel'. "Dontchyoo forget about us little people in Palo City when you have a big flashy record deal and are married to Tyler and have little Hollywood babies because we love you more than he does. Oh! Oh! Tyler's on the TV, Maggie, he's on una televisi-" then the machine cut her off.
We're all giggling and teasing Amalia and then Sunny because she has left some seriously ridiculous and nonsensical drunk messages on our machines - especially mine.
When we all calm down, Sunny and I exchange a look and know it's time to tell Maggie and Amalia.
"So, uh, Dawn and I have something really serious to tell you. . ." Sunny starts, looking between me and the juice pouch straw she's toying with in her hands. "Dawn?"
"Um," I start, looking at Amalia and Maggie who look so oblivious about the bomb Sunny and I are dropping on them. "Okay, so. . ." I start again, picking at my finernails nervously.
"I think it'll be best if you just say it," Amalia suggest, worry lining her features.
"SunnyandIhavebeenseeingeachother," I blurt and sigh, realizing they probably didn't get a word of it.
"What?" Maggie asks tentatively.
"Sunny and I, we've been sort of seeing each other. Kind of like dating, I guess. . ." I'm afraid of how they're reacting.
"Really?" Amalia asks, happy. "That's so sweet!"
I look at her, shocked. I then look at Sunny who looks so relieved.
"Since when?" Maggie asks.
"I dunno," I reply, looking to Sunny to see if she can find an accurate date.
"Not too long," Sunny answers. "A few weeks, maybe a month or something."
"So?" Maggie asks.
"So what?" I reply.
"Do you guys, like, kiss and stuff?"
I blush and so does Sunny a little. "Yeah," we reply.
"Do it," Amalia dares, grinning.
"Kiss? Now?" I ask, incredulous.
"Sure," she encourages.
Sunny has a wicked little smirk on her face as she cups the back of my neck and pulls me in quick for a deep kiss that knocks out my breath and catches me somewhat by surprise. Maggie and Amalia whoop in silliness.
"Nice," Maggie comments before gulping from her glass of Kool-aid.
"Pretty hot, ladies," Amalia compliments.
"Either of you ever kiss a girl?" Sunny asks Maggie and Amalia as I settle back into my position, recovering from a violent blush.
"No," Maggie admits.
"I kinda did, once," Amalia responds. "It was for, like, two seconds though. . ."
"Well, you're about to," Sunny grins, turning to Maggie first.
- - -
Lying in my bed, Sunny and I are entwining our fingers thoughtfully, fingering each others hair, feeling very relaxed.
"I can't believe it went so well," Sunny says about Maggie and Amalia earlier today.
"I can't believe you kissed them," I snort. I feel Sunny snicker.
"I think Amalia uses Carmex or something. There's no way her lips are naturally that soft."
"Pfft, you say it like it's a bad thing, you gossip," I toss some of her hair in her face. She bites my jaw and I jerk away with a little yelp before smacking her arm.
I do have to agree with Sunny though. I had visions of Maggie and Amalia being unaccepting and awkward. I can't believe I had such little faith in my closest friends.
Now all I have to worry about is senior year and college. Suddenly, my relationship with Sunny and how we're perceived seems like the least of my worries.
/ / / /
summer.
california diaries; dawn/sunny.
nc-17. 6,023. :: Curiosity killed the cat. Or rather, brought it to life. // [[femmeslash, masturbation/sex]]
Summer
School's out and I'm a little terrified. Senior year in the fall and this summer I'm not sure if I'm going to be visiting Stoneybrook. My mom told me she and Richard are going to Brazil for about a month and although it would be amazing to spend a big chunk of the summer with Mary Anne, I'd like to visit Stoneybrook to see my mom.
Sunny and I haven't made any plans yet. We should plan our whole summer soon I think - everyone else is going to be gone and I don't want a boring do-nothing-everyday kind of summer. Maggie decided to accompany Tyler to the movie set of his next film over in Europe and won't be back until the day before school starts. I think it's sweet she and him are still together even if I'll miss her this summer while she's gone. Amalia is visiting family in Mexico which she's really excited about and Ducky is visiting Alex in Chicago for a couple weeks, up until Alex is supposed to be released from the facility he's at and then they're going to go on a roadtrip back here or something. I hope everyone calls often.
Mostly, it'll just be me and Sunny.
- - -
"I'm bored."
"Me too."
"Wanna go to the beach?"
"I don't want to move. It's too hot. I can't imagine being around hot sand."
"The mall?"
"Don't you think we've grown out of the mall?"
"Sprinklers in the backyard?"
"Yeah, all right."
- - -
Sunny and I do a lot of surfing, something we haven't done much of since we were pre-teens. It's a little like riding a bicycle for us as we wait in the waves, splashing water at each other and talking, joking. We're also showing off a little. It's hot here in the summer so the Pacific feels phenomenal. Sunny and I wear bathing suits. Two piece bathing suits because to be honest, neither of us are iffy about our bodies.
Sunny does a lot of flirting. I do a little myself, but it's mostly just to be polite to the guys who pay me attention. I'm not looking for a fling or relationship right now.
As we wait for a wave, I sigh before sliding off my board and into the water.
"What are you doing?" Sunny snorts.
"I was getting hot," I reply as I hoist myself up back on and run my hands over my face, pushing off the excess water. I glance at Sunny who's giving me a sort of odd look, a lingering look that sends a shock of something up my spine and completely through me.
"What're you looking at?" I ask, splashing some water at her. She shakes her head, getting out of her own headspace.
"Nothin', Blondie. Hey, a wave."
- - -
Sunny and I decided that since we don't even know where we want to go to college and thus might be seperated after senior year, we need to spend as much time together as possible between now and day one of college. Most nights I spend the night at her house. We love Gracie, but she can get bothersome. It's sweet because she looks up to us and I should be used to little children due to all my babysitting experience, but maybe I've lost it. I love kids, but can't find the energy to entertain Gracie all evening when all I want to do is be with Sunny.
- - -
"Would you rather. . ." Sunny asks. We've been playing this game for almost an hour as I mindlessly flip through Sunny's old magazines and she channel surfs with the television on mute. "Lose your virginity to a pervy old man or live in a haunted house for the rest of your life?"
"What the hell, Sunny?" I ask. Her choices have gotten stranger and stranger as the hour has gone on and I'm about to call it quits.
"Well, which would you rather do?"
"Which would you rather do?"
She stops flicking channels and looks thoughtful. "Pervy old man. Definitely."
"Ew, gross. Why?"
"So you'd rather live in a haunted house? You'd rather be scared all the time and never get a decent night's sleep for the rest of your life?"
"I'm not saying that but why would you indugle a pervert's fantasies?"
"Because you only have to do it once. You fuck him and you're done! Move on with your life," she responds. It sounds like she thought a lot about it in the short time she was thinking. She makes a good point.
"Have you?"
"Have I what?" her eyes are glued to the television again as she surfs, finding nothing.
"Have you had sex?"
"With a pervy old man?" she asks incredulously, joking.
"Sunny," I scold with a breath of laughter.
"No, but I really want to, just to get it over with, you know?"
"Haven't you had opportunities?"
"Yeah, but I chickened out. I sort of talked to Carol about it, asked her about her first time-"
"She didn't actually tell you, did she?" I interject.
"Yes," Sunny laughs.
"You're not going to tell me about it are you?"
"Only if you want me to," she turns the television off and I flip the magazine closed.
"No thanks."
"Anyway, she said it does hurt, which I expect, but it doesn't make me any less scared about it."
"The girl who's got too many piercings is scared of pain?" you kid. Sunny rolls her eyes.
"It's a different pain and the piercings don't hurt that much!"
A beat of silence passes between us.
"You could always stretch yourself, you know," I advise with a slight blush.
"And you would suggest and know this because. . .?"
"Just trying to help."
"Have you had sex, Dawn?"
"No!" I say defensively.
"Do you want to?"
"Someday, yeah."
"Have you ever. . . you know, masturbated?"
I gnaw on my lip anxiously. I never wanted to admit to anyone that I had tried it a couple times.
"Have you?"
"I'll tell if you tell."
"A couple times. . ."
"Did you, like, penetrate yourself?"
"Um, yeah. . ."
"Hands or dildo or what?"
"Sunny!" I can feel that I'm blushing pretty bad at this point and want to turn the conversation to her.
"Answer and then that's it, I swear."
"Hands."
"Did you orgasm?"
"Sunny! You said you'd stop."
"Last question. Then you can ask me. Answer, please?" she gives me a pouty lip and ducks her head.
"Yeah, I did. Now you answer: have you masturbated?"
"One last question?" she grins with hope, holding up a finger to signify that it's one question.
"Sunn-y," I whine and warn.
"Just one! I'll answer it too, okay? I'll answer all the questions I've asked you and then some if you want. Just answer one more for me."
"Who where you thinking about, what was happening when you came?" she sounds excited to hear my imaginary sex story. I feel awkward and moreso by the second.
"Tom Murphy," I murmur and Sunny squeals.
"You mean that boy on the track team? He't got a nice body. Good on you, Dawn!"
My face is burning.
"So, Tom Murphy made you come? What was he doing?"
"You said that was a-"
"I believe I said who and what was happening when you came," she corrects and I grumble.
"We were in the locker room," I avoid looking at her. When I glance at her she's biting her lip in anticipation to hear my fantasy and decide to not glance at her again. "It was after he'd had track practice although I'm not sure what I was doing there."
"It's a fantasy, Dawn, roll with it. Continue."
"He'd finished showering and I went into the shower room and the shower was still on and there was steam everywhere. I approached him, he turned around, and he saw me. He kissed me and in my head, Sunny, it was. . . Wow, pretty awesome and powerful. We're in the shower just making out you know and getting wet from the steam and ugh, it was nice."
"Then what happened?" Sunny asks, getting into my fantasy.
"I'll spare you the details, but I was disrobed and he did amazing things with his hands-"
"You mean your hands?" she giggles. I give her a pointed look.
"And that did the trick. Now your turn. Have you pleasured youself, Sunshine Winslow?"
The phone starts ringing and Sunny jumps up to get it. After she answers it and has a quick conversation with her dad - who's been more attentive since Mrs. Winslow passed away, but still spends almost every waking hour at the book store.
She settles back on the couch next to me and asks, "So where were we?"
"You were going to tell me if you've ever, you know, masturbated?"
"Oh, right," she looks away from me.
Creasing my eyebrow I think I know what she's trying to tell me without words.
"You've never tried it?"
"Nope," she admits, like it's bad.
"It's not a big deal, Sunny. Actually, I feel kind of weird having done it now cause you haven't. . ."
"Why?"
"Well, I figured if any of us had any sexual experience, with ourselves or anyone else, it would be you."
She smiles knowingly. "Yeah, guess not."
There's an awkward silence, which doesn't happen often between us.
"Want to order pizza?" Sunny asks.
"Sure."
"Veggie?"
"I was thinking just cheese," I respond as she grabs the phone and dials.
- - -
Amalia calls me from Mexico. I'm still thinking about the conversation I had with Sunny a few days before but I'm not sure why.
"Hi, Dawn!" she says.
"Hey, Amalia. How's Mexico?"
"It's so great, just being here and seeing my family. You should see the beaches here. They're amazing!"
"Good, I'm glad you're having so much fun."
"How are you and Sunny? What have you been up to?"
"Not much. We've sort of been trying to relive our childhoods, playing in sprinklers and eating alien faces."
"Alien faces?"
"When we were little we'd make what Sunny's mom called alien faces. You put peanut butter on bread and get M&Ms and sprinkles and cheerios and stuff like that and make a face and eat it."
"That's so cute. We have to do that when I come back!"
"When is that anyway?"
"It's supposed to be in two weeks, but my cousins want me to stay longer so I can meet their friends who are in Mérida - we're in Puerto Vallarta, so I might be trading the plane tickets for a later flight."
"Aw," I whine. "Sunny and I miss you!"
"I miss you guys, too."
She asks about how everyone from Vanish is doing (which I don't know the answer to, so I give generic answers like, 'fine' and 'good') and asks if anyone else has called me or Sunny this summer, which they haven't that much. All having too much fun I guess.
"Amalia?" I ask tentatively after several minutes of inane conversation.
"Hmm?"
"Have you. . . Okay this is a really akward and random question, but Sunny and I were talking about it," I start.
"Yeah?"
"Have you ever had sex?" even though it's on the phone, I'm blushing.
There's a beat of silence before she answers, "Sorry, had to go to my room so my mom or dad wouldn't hear, but, um, yeah."
"Oh," I reply, a little surprised. "With Brendan?"
"Yeah,"
"Oh, good. I was worried you'd meant James because we were, like, fourteen, you know?"
"Yeah, no. Brendan. We did it recently, actually. In May, I think?"
"Well good for you. I think it's nice you trust him enough to do that, you know? Oh! Sunny, if I tell her, will want to ask you about it. Do you mind if I tell her?"
"No, go ahead."
"She'll probably mention it if you call her," I say with a breath of laughter.
"Dawn, I have to go. My mom is telling me to get off the phone and visit with my family. Plus, it's almost dinner time."
"Aw, okay then. I'm glad you called."
"Me too!"
"I miss you."
"Miss you more," she challenges.
"Kisses."
"Kisses."
"Talk to you later."
"Adios, mi amor."
- - -
Sunny calls me halfway through the summer and asks me to come over so of course I do.
"What is it, Sunny?" I ask.
"Okay, so I was thinking about that conversation about masturbation we had a few weeks ago, right?"
"Uh-huh," I acknowledge.
"And so I tried it," she seems pretty excited.
"What'd you think?"
"I think why didn't I try it sooner?! It was amazing, Dawn. I really didn't expect it to be like that at all."
"So what'd you think about? Details?" I ask, tickling her arm. She looks a little bashful, but her eyes are still lit up in excitement. Her cheeks are stained pink.
"Nothin'," she replies and I look at her pointedly.
"Come on, you drew my entire fantasy out of me. Spill!"
"Not my fault you're a chatter box!" she teases, shoving me slightly, grinning.
"Tell me the who, what, where," I nudge.
"Fine, I'll throw you a bone. It was here in my house and there was this really heavy make out session with a ton of groping and hands in each other's pants. Magical, magical hands."
"But you won't tell me who?"
"Nope."
"It's someone we know, huh? Oh my God, was it Ducky?" I ask.
"No!" she blushes. "It wasn't Ducky."
A beat of silence. "Don't tell, but I think Ducky might be gay and just doesn't know it," she says with a small shrug.
"Really?" I question.
"Yeah. I mean, how perfect would we have been together and he just wouldn't? And have you ever seen him with or talk about or even look at girls?"
"No. . ."
"On top of that, he's, like, crazy obsessed and attached to Alex. Are you seriously telling me you've never thought of it?"
"Not really, but it does make sense. So, if it wasn't Ducky, who was it?"
"No one. Hey, let's go see a movie," she grabs her bag and keys and we go to the theatre. I think it's a little weird she's avoiding it so much, but if she doesn't want to tell me, I can't force her. Plus, going to the movies will get us out of the heat and into someplace air conditioned.
- - -
Carol and my dad are out tonight, Jeff is at a friend's, and Gracie is fast asleep in her room. Sunny and I are in my room. She brought over a bottle of Vermouth. I'm surprised she still drinks after all the drunken mishaps she's had since eighth grade. But drink she does and every once in a while, I take a gulp or two with her.
She puts the bottle to her lips and swigs back a few large gulps, straining and tightlipped as she swallows it. I cringe at her and take the bottle, pouring a shot into the shot glass I got from the kitchen, throwing it down my throat.
"Lightweight," she calls me.
"No, responsible."
"Pfft," she waves my words away before leaning over to take the bottle from me.
"No, you've had enough," I snicker as she leans against me. Truthfully, Sunny could hold a lot more but I don't see why I should allow her to gorge herself on the stuff. Right now she's just tipsy.
She sighs and rests her head on my shoulder.
"Dawn, do you think we'll always be friends?"
"Duh," I reply, placing the bottle on my side table.
"No, I mean, do you think we'll always be able to hang out. Or do you think we'll be like our parents and move to different places and never see our friends again?"
"Course not," I whisper and begin playing with her hair. She nestles her head deeper into the crook of my neck and shoulder.
"Hmm, that feels nice," she tells me as I keep running my fingers along her scalp and through her strands of hair.
"Your hair is soft," I compliment. She lifts her head up and kisses my jawline softly, like she would kiss me on the cheek or forehead. Sunny and I are just touchy like that, like best friends just are.
"Your skin is soft," she plants a firm kiss on my cheek, reaching up.
I face her and smile my thanks. She makes a humming noise low in her throat before pushing herself up and touching her lips to mine. I don't even think, I just respond and purse my lips against hers. It's almost an ideal kiss - her lips are soft and perfect, but the kiss is firm and undeniable. She parts her lips slightly and I reciprocate the action. A shiver runs through me as her tongue tentatively grazes my bottom lip and I sigh into her mouth. She sits up more, pressing desperately against my lips, one of her hands gripping my shoulder. I find one of my hands gently cupping the side of her neck.
Her other hand threads through my hair as she pushes me back a little so she's slightly leaning over me when the phone rings. She jumps away from me and I gasp. She runs an anxious hand through her hair as I slip off my bed and answer the cordless receiver I've kept in my room in case there was a call while Sunny and I were hanging out.
"Oh, hi, Mom," I answer cheerily, honestly surprised to hear from her. Sunny seems to clam up a little as I settle at the edge of my bed to talk with her.
"Hi, sweetie. How's your summer been?"
"Good, great. How's Brazil?"
"Well that's why I'm calling. Richard had a little accident and broke his leg-"
"Oh no! Is he okay?" I ask, worried.
"Yes, he's fine, but we've had to cut our vacation short because of it. So I was wondering if you'd like to come visit Stoneybrook afterall."
"Oh," I say, surprised and unsure. "Can I think about it and get back to you?"
"Of course, honey."
"Are you home already?"
"No, but we will be in a few days. How about you think about it and I'll call you when I get home?"
"Sounds great."
"I love you, Dawn."
"Love you too, Mom. Bye."
I hang up and look to Sunny who looks at me like she's sorry for kissing me. I ignore her look and tell her about the call.
"My mom wants me to visit Stoneybrook."
"Hmm," is all she says and starts biting at one of her fingernails, small flecks of nail polish scattering on her lips.
"She's gonna call back in a couple days." Silence. "I think I'm going to go. . ."
"Oh, cool," she says lamely, like she's trying to sound upbeat and positive about it.
- - -
I decide to go to Stoneybrook for a week. Sunny's acted weird since we kissed at my house. I feel maybe she thinks I'm leaving on purpose even though she's the one acting strange about it. I figure these things happen between friends sometimes and to be honest, I kind of liked it. Sunny knows how to kiss.
We say goodbye for the week in front of my house before my dad drives me to the airport and I wait an obnoxiously long time to get on a flight that takes me to Tennessee so I can transfer planes to Connecticut, but not before waiting more.
I think about Sunny almost the whole time. I miss her already.
- - -
It's wonderful to see my mom and Mary Anne, but I'm not as excited or happy to be here as I thought I'd be. In fact, I'm only enthralled when on my second day in Stoneybrook Sunny calls me.
"Sunny, it's so good to hear from you," I breathe with a smile, shutting myself into my room.
"I miss you," she pouts.
"I'll be back in five days! Be strong," I joke.
"Yeah, listen, I need to talk to you. Like, serious talk."
"Did something happen? What'd you do? You're not calling me from. . . from jail or anything, are you?" I ask, worried. She did that only once and I was worried and furious - I almost let her stay the night there because that's what she'd deserve for driving inebriated and with minors (some of her party-goer friends I don't even know) in the car when she hadn't had her license for a year.
"No! No, not jail," she replies and I hear the smile in her voice. "And that was just one time."
"Okay, what it is. Girl to girl, totally serious."
"I - okay it's really hard for me," she begins.
"Take your time," I encourage. I'm a little worried and completely intrigued.
"Remember how we kissed, like, a week ago?"
"Yeah."
"It's made me feel all weird, Dawn. I can't think straight anymore."
I listen quietly, biting my lip a little in worry. Is she saying what I think she's saying?
"And it's not just that," she continues, "it's been like this almost all summer. When we went surfing, I couldn't stop looking at you. You're so beautiful, Dawn, you really are just such a beautiful person and I don't want to lose you by telling you all this stuff. . ."
"You're not going to lose me, Sunny," I promise. "Continue, please. I want to hear what you have to say."
"I, well, when I told you about the, um, masturbation thing?" her voice cracks nervously and I suddenly feel a bit awful. I pressed and pressed and she had a good reason for not telling me apparently. "It was because it was you I was thinking about and then we kissed and I dunno. I mean, what if I'm a lesbian, Dawn?"
I can't help but laugh.
"Dawn? Dawn! This isn't funny, I'm serious. Why are you laughing?"
"You're not a lesbian, Sunny. Have you seen you around guys?"
"What if it's a subconcious cover-up?"
"What if maybe you're bisexual?" I suggest. She's silent.
"Maybe. . . What do you think my mom would say about all this?" she sighs heavily.
"I think she'd support whatever you were. I think she wouldn't care if you had a crush on me, for which I am truly flattered," I say, half kidding, half meaning it. "Your mom loves you."
"Loved. She Loved me," Sunny says.
"No, loves."
Sunny huffs a flustered sigh into the phone, so I say, "Look, I'll be home in a few days. Hold tight until then and we can talk more when I get back. Okay?"
"Yeah, I guess. I really miss you."
"I wish I could hug you over the phone," I tell her.
"Oh, Dad's home. I should go. See you soon?"
"Yeah. Love you, Sunny."
"Bye, Dawn."
As strange as that conversation was, it didn't feel strange and I sort of expected it. Now I really can't wait to get back to Palo City.
- - -
I find Ducky and Sunny hanging out when I get home. I'm a little jet lagged, but really am desperate to see Sunny. As I'm walking from the car to the house, rolling my luggage behind me, Sunny comes running out from her house.
"Dawn!" she calls to me. I drop my luggage to wrap my arms around her as she jumps at me. Ducky comes out of her house and walks over to us.
"Hey, Ducky!" I yell after Sunny and I have hugged.
"Dawn," he smiles and we hug too.
"How was the roadtrip?" I ask.
"Great! I was just telling Sunny about it. Alex is a lot better."
"That's wonderful. He's been in therapy a bit, hasn't he?"
"Yeah."
"Forget the roadtrip," Sunny butts in, "tell us all about college." She grabs his arm and we go back into her house - my dad gets my luggage. Sunny sits entranced as Ducky tells us all about the people he's met at UCLA and his classes and the parties.
"I can't wait for college!" Sunny exclaims, leaning back on her bed, belly button ring exposed. My eyes wander up into the shadows of her shirt before I snap myself out of it.
"Hold on there, tiger," I tease, tickling the side of her stomach. She squeals and shifts away from me. "You have to finish senior year first."
"You mean she has to start it first," Ducky corrects.
"Whatever," Sunny says with a smile and a shake of her head. Her smile is so beautiful and what am I saying? Do I like Sunny, too?
- - -
Sunny and I spend every waking moment together, since I got back from Stoneybrook. It feels good. There's something mutual there, beneath our friendship, beneath what everyone else sees between us. I don't know what it is or if we should take anything anywhere. I'm confused and don't know how to feel because I'm supposed to like boys right? Not that there's anything wrong with liking girls, but I'm straight and even if I wasn't it's not supposed to be my best friend.
We hold hands a lot. We'll sit on the couch, watching TV, and our hands will be touching if not wrapped in the other's fingers. When we go to the beach we're usually holding hands while we walk along the beach, pier, and boardwalk shopping strip. We split large fruit smoothies, two straws like a 1950s couple.
We always did these things before , but now it feels different. I think I like it, but I don't think I'm supposed to.
- - -
Another sleep over and this time there aren't any weird Would You Rather games or alcohol. It's just Sunny and I in her room, watching TV in silence. We're on her bed, backs against the wall, shoulders touching. I can't stop glancing at her. I don't know when I began paying so much attention to her and why I can't stop.
"Sunny?" I ask.
"Yes?" she looks to me.
"How far have you gone with a guy?"
"I've done almost everything except sex, really," she replies without a hint of embarrassment.
Silence settles between us, not awkward.
I can't help but imagine the guys who's faces I can actually remember doing all sorts of things to Sunny and having Sunny do things to them. It makes me feel uncomfortable and weird, especially when I think of Sunny giving who knows how many guys blow jobs and those guys going down on her. . . I force myself to not think about it.
"Sunny?" I ask again. I can feel her name stick in my throat because I have no idea what is compelling me to say what I'm going to say next. "Could you. . . show me?"
"Show you what?" she looks at me, interested and confused.
"What you've done. Show me?" I ask, my cheeks flaming.
"Really? Like, you want me to show you what my boyfriends did to me?" She leans in at me, low and somewhat predatory. My face is on fire and my heart is racing for being humiliated and embarrassed and incredibly turned on by the way she's looking at me with this glint in her eye.
"Y-yes," I barely manage to choke out as she kisses me, not hesitating in getting into it really quick, grabbing my head roughly and slipping her tongue in my mouth. I feel breathless as she runs her hand beneath my shirt, hiking it up, causing me to gasp as her warm fingers graze against my skin, feeling me up roughly. I arch up into her and she guides me down on my back, kissing me, putting the kisses on my jawline and down my neck, causing me to hum and whimper in approval. Her lips still on my neck, the hand touching my breasts trails down my abdomen and unbuttons my shorts. My breath hitches in my throat from embarassment and the feeling. Her hand feels better than anything I've ever felt as it slides past my underwear and touches me where no one but myself has touched.
I moan as her fingers work, breathing heavily. She's stopped kissing my neck, but I can feel her lips and heated breath at my throat. She stops with her hand and slides down my body, kissing my stomach and tracing the faint lines of my hip bones with her fingers before hooking at the waistband of my underwear and shorts to pull them down. I sit up a little to watch what she's doing.
"What're you-" I start, but the interrupts.
"You want me to show you or not?" her voice is heady and beautiful. A strangled, helpless sound comes out of my throat as I lay back flat on her bed. My bottom half is completely naked and I feel anxious and excited about what Sunny's going to do. I can feel her breath ghosting against the inside of my thighs, cooling my genitals because to be frank, Sunny has made me wet. I am not prepared when her lips press against me and her tongue darts out delicately. I gasp audibly and wriggle. She hold my hips and I clench my fists into her sheets as she works her tongue slowly, teasing, testing.
"Sunny," I pant as she works her tongue over the same spot over and over, eliciting an obscene amount of noise from me. One of my hand tangles in her hair as I feel my lower abdomen tighten and release and an orgasm rips through me. I choke back the loud moan that's bubbling in my throat. Sunny lifts her head from between my legs and wipes at her lips, a smug smile on her face.
"God, Sunny," I breathe, unable to move, my whole body tingling and weak.
The rest of the summer is not the same.
- - -
Everyone returns back to Palo City when there's a week and a half left until school. Unfortunately, Ducky had to go back to his college campus, but told Sunny and I to give everyone else his regards which we of course promised to do.
Sunny and I don't tell anyone about our. . . well, our Summer of Love, as lame as it sounds, it's sort of true. Sunny and I love each other. Whether it's just our normal love brought to the next level or if we're actually in love, I can't really say or even pretend to know.
Telling Maggie and Amalia is weird. Sunny and I freak out on our way to Maggie's house. It's actually kind of weird. Maggie decided to move out early. Her mom refused to get help for her alcohol abuse and Maggie came to the conclusion that she couldn't live at home anymore. It was pretty dramatic and Maggie stayed over at Amalia's a lot before the decision was made, but her dad helps support her now and she has a job working at the pet store in the mall and a second job at the grocery store, plus school. It's actually really admirable. So, Sunny and I are on our way to her apartment, music blaring, stomachs churning, nerves tying everything into knots.
We pull up at the curb in front of the apartment complex Maggie lives in and Sunny kills the engine.
"Are you ready for this?" she asks me, worrying her lip with her teeth. Now is not the time to think Sunny looks unbelievable and that I want to do things to her. . .
"Yeah," I huff a huge sigh and we exit the car. We both fidget after knocking on Maggie's door and she answers, all smiles to see us. Some of the worry melts away at seeing her because I haven't seen Maggie since the last day of school.
"Dawn! Sunny!" Maggie greets us, giving us hugs at the same time.
"Tell us all about Europe," I say as we enter the apartment.
"Tell us all about Tyler," Sunny says suggestively.
"Well, I've been to Europe before. It was great, like always. Tyler and I actually didn't see much of each other; he was working on the film most of the time and when he wasn't on set he was dead tired. I brought Zeke along and he and I hung out a lot instead, which was nice."
"What a cop out," Sunny comments, opening Maggie's fridge and pulling out a juice pouch.
"As long as you had fun," I assure her.
"What did you two do all summer?"
There's a knock on the door and Amalia lets herself in. I guess she has a key. The four of us hug and greet Amalia and she does the same to us.
"Tell us all about Mexico," Sunny commands, eyes lit up. Sunny really wants to go to Cancún and a bunch of other party spring break cities.
"It's so beautiful. I have to take you guys there someday. I had such a blast when I met up with my cousins' friends! They're all older, you know? So we went clubbing. I wasn't allowed to get drinks obviously, but my cousin Martí, her boyfriend Miguel bought us all rounds and I got so wasted. It was awful!"
"I know," Maggie butt in, "You drunk dialed me!"
"Amalia!" I scolded in jest.
"I don't even remember. I had the worst hang over the next day. Ugh."
"Don't they suck?" Sunny contributes.
"It was the worst!"
Turning to Maggie, Sunny asks, "What did Amalia say when she dialed you?"
"It was hilarious!" Maggie giggles, "I actually still think I have the message. She called my phone here instead of my cell." Maggie gets up and goes through the ten unerased messages on her answering machine. A few of them are from Tyler and she skips over them. "Here it is!"
The machine beeps and Amalia hides her face as the staticy noise of breathing is heard. "Maaaaaagggiiieee. Oh my God, chica. I love you. Looooove you. You're gonna be so famous. Una estrella mucho muy bonita." Amalia then began to sing an awful rendition of 'Fallen Angel'. "Dontchyoo forget about us little people in Palo City when you have a big flashy record deal and are married to Tyler and have little Hollywood babies because we love you more than he does. Oh! Oh! Tyler's on the TV, Maggie, he's on una televisi-" then the machine cut her off.
We're all giggling and teasing Amalia and then Sunny because she has left some seriously ridiculous and nonsensical drunk messages on our machines - especially mine.
When we all calm down, Sunny and I exchange a look and know it's time to tell Maggie and Amalia.
"So, uh, Dawn and I have something really serious to tell you. . ." Sunny starts, looking between me and the juice pouch straw she's toying with in her hands. "Dawn?"
"Um," I start, looking at Amalia and Maggie who look so oblivious about the bomb Sunny and I are dropping on them. "Okay, so. . ." I start again, picking at my finernails nervously.
"I think it'll be best if you just say it," Amalia suggest, worry lining her features.
"SunnyandIhavebeenseeingeachother," I blurt and sigh, realizing they probably didn't get a word of it.
"What?" Maggie asks tentatively.
"Sunny and I, we've been sort of seeing each other. Kind of like dating, I guess. . ." I'm afraid of how they're reacting.
"Really?" Amalia asks, happy. "That's so sweet!"
I look at her, shocked. I then look at Sunny who looks so relieved.
"Since when?" Maggie asks.
"I dunno," I reply, looking to Sunny to see if she can find an accurate date.
"Not too long," Sunny answers. "A few weeks, maybe a month or something."
"So?" Maggie asks.
"So what?" I reply.
"Do you guys, like, kiss and stuff?"
I blush and so does Sunny a little. "Yeah," we reply.
"Do it," Amalia dares, grinning.
"Kiss? Now?" I ask, incredulous.
"Sure," she encourages.
Sunny has a wicked little smirk on her face as she cups the back of my neck and pulls me in quick for a deep kiss that knocks out my breath and catches me somewhat by surprise. Maggie and Amalia whoop in silliness.
"Nice," Maggie comments before gulping from her glass of Kool-aid.
"Pretty hot, ladies," Amalia compliments.
"Either of you ever kiss a girl?" Sunny asks Maggie and Amalia as I settle back into my position, recovering from a violent blush.
"No," Maggie admits.
"I kinda did, once," Amalia responds. "It was for, like, two seconds though. . ."
"Well, you're about to," Sunny grins, turning to Maggie first.
- - -
Lying in my bed, Sunny and I are entwining our fingers thoughtfully, fingering each others hair, feeling very relaxed.
"I can't believe it went so well," Sunny says about Maggie and Amalia earlier today.
"I can't believe you kissed them," I snort. I feel Sunny snicker.
"I think Amalia uses Carmex or something. There's no way her lips are naturally that soft."
"Pfft, you say it like it's a bad thing, you gossip," I toss some of her hair in her face. She bites my jaw and I jerk away with a little yelp before smacking her arm.
I do have to agree with Sunny though. I had visions of Maggie and Amalia being unaccepting and awkward. I can't believe I had such little faith in my closest friends.
Now all I have to worry about is senior year and college. Suddenly, my relationship with Sunny and how we're perceived seems like the least of my worries.
/ / / /