(no subject)
no, i did not laugh.
i don't read your read your livejournal or blog or look at your pictures or use your password to monitor everything you say and do.
heather called me tonight and told me about your blog, and said at the end of it, you said something like 'and jordynne, if you're reading this, i hope you're laughing.'
i don't know why i'm writing this. i guess it's b/c it's still so fucking unfair and i can't believe i let you shit on me again and again and i never really stood up for myself. i told myself to just move the fuck on. but who will tell you this if i don't? no one. and as always, you allow me no closure. this is my closure, and it's the end of any contact i will ever have with you.
i recall that last year, i lost my wallet with about $300 in it. it had my id, my social security card, a bunch of gift cards, and other miscellaneous items. it sucked, badly. and you couldn't have cared less! at that point, we weren't even really together anymore, and i think i only saw you one more time after my wallet was gone. and then we broke up. that story's been told a million times, and quite frankly, i'm sick of it.
but there's so much left to say! not about the break up, but about the agonizingly painful blog you had to write about me. how you just HAD to go out of your way to make sure every shred of my dignity was gone. it is by far, the lowest thing i have ever read. what's ironic is that a couple of months ago, before the eruption of the phone drama, i ran into megan rassle. and you know what i did? i apologized to her for saying the things i said. all i did was embarrass her, and it was stupid and sadistic. i told her we would never be friends, but i'm no better than her for saying anything in the first place. in a way, i got my comeuppance b/c i got slammed 10 times worse than her, and in front of a much larger audience. did that feel good? did you feel powerful and macho b/c you have the ability to make people feel like shit? just so you know, your whole deal with telling people exactly whats wrong with them and what they did to screw YOU over, does not in fact, make them want to run out and be a better person.
you were pretty bold to fuck w/ me in talking about our relationship. did you forget that i know you better than anyone else? that i know you intimately, and i could have just as easily made you want to shrivel up and die? b/c i could do that, you scum sucking degenerate asshole. i could have told everyone that sex with you was fun. and if by fun i mean you enjoy waiting around in a doctors office and are attracted to a guy that already has the body of a 75 year old man, with the libido to match.
and still, all you cared about was money. "oh no, evil crazy conniving ex just wants money! that bitch, i can't believe her! lets all go to ridiculous lengths and tell the world!"
"fuck you, bitch! give me all that stuff i gave you back! katamari! the ds! the blah blah blah blah..."
b/c you could honestly name everything you'd ever spent money on.
i hate money. you know what would've meant more to me than all the shit you gave me? a fucking note. i left you notes in your apartment, i wrote you a letter and mailed it even though i lived down the street, and not once, NOT ONCE DID I EVER GET ANYTHING BACK. that would've meant more to me than anything money could ever buy. but no. not with you. all you could do was say "stupid spoiled bitch! just wants money! never did anything for me, just takes money! wants more money!" b/c that's the kind of person you are. basically a 75 year old man.
still, i don't know whats worse. your petty selfishness, or your fake, 'I HAVE TO FIT IN WITH PEOPLE' attitude. 'I WEAR CROCS B/C MY FRIENDS DO'. 'I HAVE THE COOLEST APARTMENT EVER SO PEOPLE WILL THINK I'M AWESOME.' and lets not forget the 'I CAN TALK ALL THE SHIT I WANT TO ABOUT MY FRIENDS AND THEN BE THEIR BEST FRIEND AGAIN AFTERWARDS AND THEY'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT I REALLY SAID'. and you know what i'm talking about. i won't come right out and say it, b/c honestly, i'm not that low, and i'd have to pretty damn low to get under you. one day, i hope people figure out what you're really like, b/c not even your closest acquaintances really know what you've said.
as much as you would think i would take absolute delight in writing this, i'm really quite indifferent. but i know you'll read it. you can hate me and talk as much shit as your little heart desires, but you want to know whats going on still. a lot like your mom, eh? 'LOOK HONEY, I PRINTED OUT YOUR NEW GIRLFRIENDS ONLINE JOURNAL. READ IT. YOU MIGHT BE SHOCKED! oh, and by the way, we don't actually want to get to know her, we'll just judge her based on this.' oh, next time you talk to them, be sure to tell them how spoiled i am, b/c i don't think they were able to gather that by my journal entries! oh. wait. you don't talk to your parents. and your parents don't talk to you. interesting. they must really care about you then. especially b/c you went an entire winter with out heat, and they were very aware of it. wow, i guess b/c my parents wouldn't let me freeze, that makes me spoiled! gawd, i am just one ungrateful asshole! i take so much advantage of my parents love, and i am so undeserving.
so go ahead and cry. cry your little eyes out and bitch and moan and tell everyone i'm lying and that i really fucked you over, although I'm pretty sure you came out unscathed. you had a free phone for 4 months. you didn't have any late fees. you didn't have to pay a cancellation fee. and by far, you didn't spend any sleepless nights feeling rejected and helpless. you made sure to compensate any pain you might have been capable of feeling by making ME feel like that instead. but still, i'm the bitch, i'm the one that took all your money, i'm the one who ruined your life.
i never want to be your friend, i never want to talk to you, look at your face, read anything about you. this door is closed. i'm not interested in what you have to say. don't talk about me. don't mention my name. you can believe me when i say i won't utter your name to anyone. i'm not going to write about you or have anything to do with you. you have successfully sealed a loathing by someone who tried again and again to salvage something of an understanding with you. why don't YOU try moving the fuck on for once? leave me the hell alone.
i don't try to mock other people's misfortune. i realized it doesn't bring me any happiness, unlike some.
i didn't laugh and i'm not laughing now.
i don't read your read your livejournal or blog or look at your pictures or use your password to monitor everything you say and do.
heather called me tonight and told me about your blog, and said at the end of it, you said something like 'and jordynne, if you're reading this, i hope you're laughing.'
i don't know why i'm writing this. i guess it's b/c it's still so fucking unfair and i can't believe i let you shit on me again and again and i never really stood up for myself. i told myself to just move the fuck on. but who will tell you this if i don't? no one. and as always, you allow me no closure. this is my closure, and it's the end of any contact i will ever have with you.
i recall that last year, i lost my wallet with about $300 in it. it had my id, my social security card, a bunch of gift cards, and other miscellaneous items. it sucked, badly. and you couldn't have cared less! at that point, we weren't even really together anymore, and i think i only saw you one more time after my wallet was gone. and then we broke up. that story's been told a million times, and quite frankly, i'm sick of it.
but there's so much left to say! not about the break up, but about the agonizingly painful blog you had to write about me. how you just HAD to go out of your way to make sure every shred of my dignity was gone. it is by far, the lowest thing i have ever read. what's ironic is that a couple of months ago, before the eruption of the phone drama, i ran into megan rassle. and you know what i did? i apologized to her for saying the things i said. all i did was embarrass her, and it was stupid and sadistic. i told her we would never be friends, but i'm no better than her for saying anything in the first place. in a way, i got my comeuppance b/c i got slammed 10 times worse than her, and in front of a much larger audience. did that feel good? did you feel powerful and macho b/c you have the ability to make people feel like shit? just so you know, your whole deal with telling people exactly whats wrong with them and what they did to screw YOU over, does not in fact, make them want to run out and be a better person.
you were pretty bold to fuck w/ me in talking about our relationship. did you forget that i know you better than anyone else? that i know you intimately, and i could have just as easily made you want to shrivel up and die? b/c i could do that, you scum sucking degenerate asshole. i could have told everyone that sex with you was fun. and if by fun i mean you enjoy waiting around in a doctors office and are attracted to a guy that already has the body of a 75 year old man, with the libido to match.
and still, all you cared about was money. "oh no, evil crazy conniving ex just wants money! that bitch, i can't believe her! lets all go to ridiculous lengths and tell the world!"
"fuck you, bitch! give me all that stuff i gave you back! katamari! the ds! the blah blah blah blah..."
b/c you could honestly name everything you'd ever spent money on.
i hate money. you know what would've meant more to me than all the shit you gave me? a fucking note. i left you notes in your apartment, i wrote you a letter and mailed it even though i lived down the street, and not once, NOT ONCE DID I EVER GET ANYTHING BACK. that would've meant more to me than anything money could ever buy. but no. not with you. all you could do was say "stupid spoiled bitch! just wants money! never did anything for me, just takes money! wants more money!" b/c that's the kind of person you are. basically a 75 year old man.
still, i don't know whats worse. your petty selfishness, or your fake, 'I HAVE TO FIT IN WITH PEOPLE' attitude. 'I WEAR CROCS B/C MY FRIENDS DO'. 'I HAVE THE COOLEST APARTMENT EVER SO PEOPLE WILL THINK I'M AWESOME.' and lets not forget the 'I CAN TALK ALL THE SHIT I WANT TO ABOUT MY FRIENDS AND THEN BE THEIR BEST FRIEND AGAIN AFTERWARDS AND THEY'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT I REALLY SAID'. and you know what i'm talking about. i won't come right out and say it, b/c honestly, i'm not that low, and i'd have to pretty damn low to get under you. one day, i hope people figure out what you're really like, b/c not even your closest acquaintances really know what you've said.
as much as you would think i would take absolute delight in writing this, i'm really quite indifferent. but i know you'll read it. you can hate me and talk as much shit as your little heart desires, but you want to know whats going on still. a lot like your mom, eh? 'LOOK HONEY, I PRINTED OUT YOUR NEW GIRLFRIENDS ONLINE JOURNAL. READ IT. YOU MIGHT BE SHOCKED! oh, and by the way, we don't actually want to get to know her, we'll just judge her based on this.' oh, next time you talk to them, be sure to tell them how spoiled i am, b/c i don't think they were able to gather that by my journal entries! oh. wait. you don't talk to your parents. and your parents don't talk to you. interesting. they must really care about you then. especially b/c you went an entire winter with out heat, and they were very aware of it. wow, i guess b/c my parents wouldn't let me freeze, that makes me spoiled! gawd, i am just one ungrateful asshole! i take so much advantage of my parents love, and i am so undeserving.
so go ahead and cry. cry your little eyes out and bitch and moan and tell everyone i'm lying and that i really fucked you over, although I'm pretty sure you came out unscathed. you had a free phone for 4 months. you didn't have any late fees. you didn't have to pay a cancellation fee. and by far, you didn't spend any sleepless nights feeling rejected and helpless. you made sure to compensate any pain you might have been capable of feeling by making ME feel like that instead. but still, i'm the bitch, i'm the one that took all your money, i'm the one who ruined your life.
i never want to be your friend, i never want to talk to you, look at your face, read anything about you. this door is closed. i'm not interested in what you have to say. don't talk about me. don't mention my name. you can believe me when i say i won't utter your name to anyone. i'm not going to write about you or have anything to do with you. you have successfully sealed a loathing by someone who tried again and again to salvage something of an understanding with you. why don't YOU try moving the fuck on for once? leave me the hell alone.
i don't try to mock other people's misfortune. i realized it doesn't bring me any happiness, unlike some.
i didn't laugh and i'm not laughing now.