(no subject)

[moring_star]

will i have to finish one of my reviews before tonight is over and tomorrow i have to finish another...oh joy..bobbas birthday is tomorrow and we are suprising her ...i got her present today(i hope she likes it) my mom also let me order some stuff from ebay...there are two other things im gonna order but i have to wait for two more days...my bro got a job and he was acting like he was annoyed with me today...i dont know tho... i wish i didnt want things so much and feel like i needed them sometimes..i mean i know we all feel that..i think...evreythig is so weird...i dont know how to explain it...i wish i could just come to this journal and type things that didnt concerrn me...im tierd of feeling like this...i feel like crap...i wish i could look outside and see something pleasing...something that didnt make me disgusted..i wish everyone could do that...i want to get my bro and marissa(i hope i spelled it right) something..they are always so nice to me and i need to repay them some how...
heres something i wrote earlier today:
if i stared at the sun long enough...would i be blind to this falsity
if i fell in a puddle and didnt get up...would my lungs breathe for the first time
if i trace this knife upon my skin in a grotesque pattern of love...would you cry me out of eternity
if i was numb to all your words...would silence bring a lasting impression
if i didnt heed to what life really is...would my heart sever and tolerate belief
if i leaned on the days devastating wings...would hope be murdered by humanity
if i watched dusk fade away...would i find an ending in its place
if i dreamed at night...would i have to consider the hollowness of the day
if i didnt behold our ignorance..would knowledge mask my being

-mary kate pharis