What NOT to Compare
Comparisons are a popular rhetorical device, just as flies are insects. But if you use them wrong, you could be making a mistake, like those that allowed 9/11 to happen. Therefore, I have created this rhetorical rule of thumb, in order to clarify what NOT to do when using comparisons, like in the Old Testament when-- okay, nevermind, I can't keep this up.
The rule is as follows: When you use a comparison, read through it at least once. Spend at least ten seconds thinking about it. If it is STUPID, don't use it. Or, in other words, Thou shalt not make stupid comparisons.
THE 'HUH?' COMPARISON
What did you think when I told you that flies are insects? Did it make my meaning clearer? Did it even work? You could *argue* for the fly comparison, but it would take more effort than it's worth.
The problem with the 'huh?' comparison is that it brings in irrelevant material. It's too confusing to help the reader understand the concept you're actually discussing. Stick with what you actually mean, especially if the concept isn't complicated enough to need explaining.
THE ATROCITY COMPARISON
Not all mistakes are equal. Neither are all cruelties, sufferings, or injustices. In order to avoid making this mistake, try the following mental exercise: imagine that you have gone through the sort of experience you are using. If you don't know enough to imagine it you have no business using it. If you do, ask yourself if you would feel slighted by this comparison. Would you feel that your suffering had been trivialized? If the answer is yes, get rid of it.
Let us suppose that I temporarily lose my mind and type the following sentence. "Homosexuals are treated unequally in modern America," I write, reasonably enough. Then I add, "just like black people were before slavery ended."
Later, my sanity returns to me and I go back to edit my essay. I come across this particular comparison, and I think, "gee, maybe that's a bit extreme." True, I can't get legal recognition for my marriage, but I can say "Til death" rather than "til death or distance," with reasonable confidence that my partner and I will not be forcibly and permanently separated. I try to imagine being ripped away from everyone I love, and... perhaps I shouldn't use that comparison, then.
THE GOD COMPLEX COMPARISON
Comparing yourself to someone important or famous doesn't make you more like them. Chances are, you are not Galileo, Einstein, Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Rosa Parks, or God (if you are, my apologies, and I'm very flattered that you're reading this). State your own actions, and let them stand or fall on their own merits.
IN CLOSING
This is really just a long way of saying, "say what you mean." This isn't a matter of literary style. This isn't about correct grammar and punctuation. This is about having the guts and conviction to say what you mean, rather than pussyfooting around it while trying to convince your reader to react to it as though it was something other than itself.
(It's also a matter of respect. I trust my readers can see that it's disrespectful to cite September 11 in the manner that I did, or to compare oneself to God.)
The rule is as follows: When you use a comparison, read through it at least once. Spend at least ten seconds thinking about it. If it is STUPID, don't use it. Or, in other words, Thou shalt not make stupid comparisons.
THE 'HUH?' COMPARISON
What did you think when I told you that flies are insects? Did it make my meaning clearer? Did it even work? You could *argue* for the fly comparison, but it would take more effort than it's worth.
The problem with the 'huh?' comparison is that it brings in irrelevant material. It's too confusing to help the reader understand the concept you're actually discussing. Stick with what you actually mean, especially if the concept isn't complicated enough to need explaining.
THE ATROCITY COMPARISON
Not all mistakes are equal. Neither are all cruelties, sufferings, or injustices. In order to avoid making this mistake, try the following mental exercise: imagine that you have gone through the sort of experience you are using. If you don't know enough to imagine it you have no business using it. If you do, ask yourself if you would feel slighted by this comparison. Would you feel that your suffering had been trivialized? If the answer is yes, get rid of it.
Let us suppose that I temporarily lose my mind and type the following sentence. "Homosexuals are treated unequally in modern America," I write, reasonably enough. Then I add, "just like black people were before slavery ended."
Later, my sanity returns to me and I go back to edit my essay. I come across this particular comparison, and I think, "gee, maybe that's a bit extreme." True, I can't get legal recognition for my marriage, but I can say "Til death" rather than "til death or distance," with reasonable confidence that my partner and I will not be forcibly and permanently separated. I try to imagine being ripped away from everyone I love, and... perhaps I shouldn't use that comparison, then.
THE GOD COMPLEX COMPARISON
Comparing yourself to someone important or famous doesn't make you more like them. Chances are, you are not Galileo, Einstein, Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Rosa Parks, or God (if you are, my apologies, and I'm very flattered that you're reading this). State your own actions, and let them stand or fall on their own merits.
IN CLOSING
This is really just a long way of saying, "say what you mean." This isn't a matter of literary style. This isn't about correct grammar and punctuation. This is about having the guts and conviction to say what you mean, rather than pussyfooting around it while trying to convince your reader to react to it as though it was something other than itself.
(It's also a matter of respect. I trust my readers can see that it's disrespectful to cite September 11 in the manner that I did, or to compare oneself to God.)