Historical Hysteria Round 2 Day 4: The Bold and the Boudica

[morganwolf]

It's International Women's Day. When I asked what that meant, my friend Erin responded "Lifetime takes over all television programming?" BURRRRRN.

I say we celebrate Kathryn Bigelow's historical Best Director win, and all the many amazing women in the world, by doing a poll with the ONLY lady to make it to Round 2 of Historical Hysteria.

Boudica

• An important cultural symbol in the United Kingdom
• Widow of an Icenian king, who led her tribes against Romans unjustly occupying their land
• The Romans stole their land, called in the debts Boudica's husband had acquired, then flogged Boudica and raped her daughters, JUST CUZ THEY FELT LIKE IT, GODDAMN THOSE ROMANS WERE COLD
• So then Bouddy over here gathers up some tribespeople and starts pillaging the hell out of Roman-occupied cities including Londinium, future site of London
• And this hardcore mama did not take prisoners: 70,000-80,000 people died during her rampage, many of whom were crucified or just set the fuck on fire
• According to the historian Cassius Dio, the rebels also impaled the noblest Roman women, then cut off their breasts and sewed them to their mouths.  WHAT THE FUCK?!?
• A resurgence of popularity in the Victorian era led to Queen Victoria being portrayed as her namesake.  Queen Victoria was pretty awesome, but would've been even more awesome if she'd gone around impaling people.
• Had long red hair and habitually wore a large golden torc, a multi-colored tunic, and a big-ass cloak, which was apparently the height of Icenian fashion
  
• After her defeat at the Battle of Watling Street, Boudica poisoned herself rather than face capture and, presumably, a punishment even worse than what she'd done to the Romans

Genghis Khan

• Founded and ruled the largest contiguous empire in history, which means it was super-big and lasted a long-ass time
• Reputed to have been born gripping a blood clot in his fist, which meant he would be a great leader, and is also supremely gross
• I like that lady's hair things up there
• His birth name was Temujin, which means "ironworker." My mother's maiden name is Ferrante, which means "before iron." So... yeah.
• May have been descended from the Kyrgyz people, who apparently glittered. [Insert tasteless vampire joke here]
• Spent several years of his youth living in exile with his mother and brothers, eating wild fruit and marmots
• MARMOTS
• Held a stance of religious tolerance, that's cool
• Ancestor to an estimated 6 million men alive today (0.5% of , thanks to his hundreds or possibly thousands of children, OH DANG
• Throughout many of the lands he conquered and subdued, he and his regime are credited with widespread damage, destruction, and mass murder
• He's also credited with increasing trade and cultural flourishing across the world through his cohesion of the Silk Road's political environment

Okay, y'all. Go have a vote while I finish my cookie.

Poll Boudica vs Genghis Khan