Historical Hysteria Day 9: Dissension of the Disappeared

[morganwolf]

Many people are unclear about the purpose of these polls and how they should decide their votes. Well, so am I. I created them for fun and with no real rules about whom you should vote for or why. Vote with your heart, people. Vote for the one you think is meaner, or nicer, or better-looking, or had the coolest pop culture references, or would be more likely to win in an actual fight. I don't care. Partially it's about learning new things, but mostly it's about having fun.

Ultimately, though, you need to vote for Teddy Roosevelt. Because if you don't, I will fucking murder you.

Or maybe you'll just mysteriously disappear one day and no one will ever find out what happened to you, like the poor folks below:

Roanoke Colony

• Deserted some time between 1587 and 1590 by its 115 settlers
• Most common theory for the disappearances is that, after years without a replenishment of supplies from England, the settlers dispersed and integrated into the local Native American communities
• I prefer the cannibalism theory, it's much more exciting
• The only clues to their fate were the word "Croatoan" carved into a post, and "Cro" carved into a tree
• 
  
• Oh, well, that explains it
• You remember that show? CRO, WAS A SMART BOY, HAD A LOT, ON THE BALL, BUT THE FAM-I-LY THAT TOOK HIM IN, WAS TOTAL NEANDERTHALLLL AAAA AAAA AAALLLL
• Man, I really loved that show, why can't we get more quality programming like that these days?
• Vanished resident Virginia Dare was the first English child born in the Americas, and has become a symbol for many ideas, causes, and anti-immigration groups
• Wut.
• Virginia Dare has also become a popular figure in folklore, in many renditions transformed into a white doe. Hey, why not?
• Alums of the epic drama The Lost Colony, which has been performed regularly on Roanoke Island since 1937, include Andy Griffith and Chris Elliott

Mary Celeste

• Discovered unmanned in 1872, empty of its eight crew members and two passengers.
• HOLY CRAP GHOST SHIP
• Two of the most sound explanations for the missing persons are waterspouts and exploding alcohol
• Much more exciting theories include ergot poisoning, pirates, and sea monsters
• Or Daleks
• 
  
• Yes, I am serious
• When discovered by the crew of the Dei Gratia, two pumps were disassembled, the compass was destroyed, the lifeboat was gone, and the boat was sopping wet with 3.5 feet of water in the hold
• After the disappearances of Cpt. Briggs, his wife and daughter, and his crew, the Mary Celeste had nothing but bad luck until it was basically dumped off the coast of Haiti and left to sink
• The fate of the Mary Celeste's passengers and crew is frequently cited as the greatest maritime mystery of all time
• OF ALL TIME.
• Sir Arthur Conan Doyle helped make the ship a pop culture icon, but was also responsible for creating many common misconceptions about it

Poll Roanoke vs Mary Celeste