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Now I come to write about this all the words seem to have gone away. I didn't actually cry though I cam very close to it when Josh was watching Donna in hospital. It was everything I could have wanted for Josh/Donna and yet possibly my worst nightmare too and I want to write about how heartbroken Josh loked, and how I thought about Donna's speech to Amy at the end of season 4 about everyone Josh loves getting hurt or dying, and I want to ta about him flying there and staying even after he saw Colin and her, and I'd quite like to explain how I believe he called Sam at some point and Sam made him breathe again but I can't really think about any of that because I thought she was safe and now I'm not sure again and I don't know what Josh would do if she doesn't make it.
All the way, from day one, I've been a Josh/Sam girl and the slash there isn't so much about sex as it is about their interaction and I have no problem believing in them and in Josh/Donna and watching this series without Sam has been like somebody took the stabilisers off and now Josh is lost. There was so much done to him and his relationship with Leo was torn apart and rebuilt over and over and that's central to Josh and there was at least one moment every episode where I wanted Sam there to slap Josh or hug him or just be there and instead we got one phone message and I think that explains Josh in Series 5 a lot. When Josh and Donna stopped talking I was so afraid for him. I sort of new something bad was coming for Donna and I needed them to make up so badly because I fear for Josh a lot and if he lost Sam and Leo and her it would be awful. There were all these little moments with Josh and Toby and CJ and they'd just look at each other and you know they'll always be tere for each other but just as it's Josh/Sam it's CJ/Toby and they don't quite work as a three.
Stepping away from Josh for a moment the Jed/Leo stuff (again, relationship in the broadest sense) was making my heart break. I know something happens with Leo and I have NO idea what (so don't tell me) but his face at the end, those cuts to the start of Jed's career... He feels like he's being left behind and there have been moments where I thought perhaps that was for the best but even more than Josh I don't know what he would do without the White House and the people in it. We're watching a deep friendship pushed to breakingpoint and if it doesn't survive it's going to be awful.
Putting them together, there was a moment in the second to last episode where Leo and Josh were just looking at each other, just before Josh left, and it was like all the angst hadn't happened and that made me happy but in a smile through your tears kind of way. I really am finding it like watching a family I love break apart and I don't see season 6 being any easier.
Part of me is wishing right now that I could convince myself to stop watching The West Wing but then I never wanted to start in the first place. More so than any of my other obsessions this programme grabbed me against my will (I should never have turned the damn TV on) and won't let me go. I'm so attached to everyoneof these characters it's stupid and if nothing has quite reached my pain at seeing the end of season 1 (one of the only TV shows that's actually had me sitting with tears pouring down my cheeks, and for once I'm not exaggerating) it's almost because I've become used to it tearing me up and so the surprise is gone but that doesn't make it any better.
Of coruse it's 2:30 right now and maybe after sleep I'll be less dramatic but I really doubt it.