So these are my somewhat disjointed thoughts on the humdinger of a Sam/Dean closing conversation in 913, and my attempts to contextualize it in terms of the boys' overall characterization. I'm just trying to make sense of it all and this is what I've come up with, though it's far from conclusive. SPOILERS through 913 but none beyond that.
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Sam and Cas do have a conversation in 7.21 where they discuss what Cas did, and the affect that had on Sam - Sam acknowledges that Cas was always trying to help.
I don't think anyone thinks that Sam being soulless was intentional on Sam or Cas's part. It has always bothered me that Dean included that in the list of things Sam needed to atone for - because it wasn't at all his fault. But Dean says that exactly once. He does not continually blame Sam for Cas's actions.
Sam and Dean also have a conversation in 822, I think, where Sam says Dean should take it easy on Cas, because he's Cas. It indicates that Sam trusts him and thinks Dean should, too.
Dean trusts Gadreel over Sam's decision to move onDean had NO WAY of knowing that Sam had decided to "move on." All he knew was that was Sam was dying and he did ( ... )
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I think that moment is forgotten by a lot of people (not implying that you are one of them, just pointing it out.)
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