Be afraid of the cold, they'll inherit your blood
Today I might be getting my Nietzsche essay back. I don't want to. I am frightened.
--
Another set of interview questions, this time from peridium, who knows exactly what to ask to get me to never, ever, ever shut up, so this is much longer and ramblier.
1. Describe your perfect fictional crush. Not in terms of being a good character, necessarily, just the combination of all the traits that make you fangirl someone, put together in one person.
Oh, that's easy, that already exists, it's...
Lawrence Pritchard Waterhouse Yuuko Shadow Moon Topher Brink Chrestomanci Zoe Washburne Walter Bishop The Marquis de Carabas Enoch Root Donna Noble Adrian Veidt Elizabeth Bennet
Never mind. Let's actually answer the question, now that we have an appreciation of how all over the place my tastes are.
Watch me avoid gendered pronouns. This is going to be awesome.
Would frequently wear suits and ties, preferably suits of the '30s variety and ties of the bright colorful pattern variety. Would have enchanting moral ambiguity. Would make sparkling witty dialogue, but also occasionally indulge in terrible puns. Would occasionally spout long rambles about literature/philosophy/linguistics/all of the above. Would be good with children. Would be better with computers. Would be a righteous badass both in cerebral and fighting arts. Especially Calculus. Would frequently be an asshole but internally quite fiercely caring. Would live in a big city. Would have fabulous hair in some form. Would appreciate and/or write poetry. Would have some greater or lesser degree of androgyny. Would be left-handed. Would be a journalist in some capacity. Would in some way contradict/flout/subvert stereotypes for relevant social roles. Would have at least one PhD. Would be magic.
In other words... unlikely to exist.
2. What shall our business plan be when we open our bead shop in the mountains of Norway? Feel free to put forth as much ridiculousness as you feel like.
Let me tell you about the future.
In the future, we will have a house with a turf roof, a barn, a vegetable garden, and a fruit orchard, with many a plum tree, of course, in the mountains surrounding the fjords of Hordaland, in the most beautiful country on earth. We will have fifty-seven half-feral cats who will be mortal enemies with our half-feral flock of sheep. In the summer they will roam at will, keeping conflict to a minimum. In the depths of winter they will share the barn, and we will fight an endless battle to keep the path between the house and barn clear so that the violence never escalates.
During the brief days of the sub-Arctic winter, we will whittle stored pieces of wood into tiny, perfect beads, paint them, and string them onto wool yarn we make ourselves, until our eyes tire and we spend the evening in study and discussion and contemplation.
During the warmer months, we will take the ferry daily into Bergen, to tout our wares to unsuspecting, gullible tourists at the fish market. We will make a killing, because tourists love that shit. We will come home late and spend the near endless night sitting on our roof or wandering along the nearby slopes until we wander in to bed, our minds half-fevered from the magic and horror of the midnight sun.
Our nearest neighbors will we the mountain trolls, with whom we will sign a contract to our mutual benefit. This will be to ensure that they do not eat our sheep. (The cats, of course, can protect themselves.) We will occasionally invite them for tea at our cabin, though not too often, since trolls are not known for their table manners. Being good-natured sorts, they will occasionally bring us thoughtful but misguided gifts, such as bear carcasses, felled trees, and the souls of young women.
Four times a year we will take the train into Oslo to buy amenities we can't find elsewhere, and perhaps take in an opera.
Our ultimate aim, of course, will be world domination.
3. If you had only one day to take someone on the best tour of New York ever, what would your game plan be?
(This is written assuming clement, neither too hot nor too cold weather. It is also terribly subjective and smacks of self-indulgence [and stinginess], but it's the only plan I have.)
It would start with coffee and bagels with cream cheese and smoked salmon from my favorite deli. We would then take the subway to the Brooklyn side of the Brooklyn Bridge, damn it, because it might be touristy but the view is amazing. From there we'd walk down to Battery Park and take the Staten Island Ferry there and back. We'd take the subway up to the Met and wander there for a few hours. After that we would find a nice grassy slope in Central Park and have a picnic lunch and afternoon nap, which we would then walk off by going down Fifth Avenue and going into all the crazy expensive stores and not buying anything. We would continue our walk in Greenwich Village, go into any shop that caught our eyes, and maybe I would for once not get confused by the streets. We would have dinner at a nice Japanese restaurant. Then finally we would see a musical.
4. If you could have a superhero alter ego, what would it be? Describe your costume and general persona! If we are assuming Watchmen-esque superheroes, also feel free to include your personal brand of psychosis!
Superhero alter ego, hells yeah! -- um. She would be called the Lounge Lizard and wear the sleekest, shiniest, most perfect black tux you ever did see. She would be an expert fencer, and in fact carry around a cane-sword, along with a few knives for extra close-range violence tucked away in various hidden pockets. She would specialize, naturally, in high-end, wealthy-people crime. I suspect she would toy with her victims, trading lots of witty, sexually-charged banter whenever possible.
As for personality disorders? She'd probably be constantly bored, and when she stumbled upon an intelligent criminal with an actual interesting racket, she would either let it go or even help out.
She wouldn't be a very good superhero, but then, if we're talking Watchmen-esque, who is?
5. You can time travel back to any time in the past for, let's say a week. What time do you pick and what shenanigans do you get up to?
Bitchslap Descartes!-- no, Ayn Rand! -- no, James Joyce! -- no, Nathaniel Hawthorne! -- no, Aaron Burr! No... Threesome with Talleyrand and Germaine de Staël! Hang out with Kit Marlowe! OSCAR WILDE.
Okay, I'm actually going to have to go with Princeton in 1937, because Alan Turing. Also, as long as I'm in the '30s already, visit New York, raid some stores, get fitted for three-piece suits, get a lot of adorable dresses and hats, surreptitiously take lots of pictures of everything, try to meet famous people.
But mostly, I just hang around Alan Turing and annoy him with my enthusiasm and fangirling.
--
Another set of interview questions, this time from peridium, who knows exactly what to ask to get me to never, ever, ever shut up, so this is much longer and ramblier.
1. Describe your perfect fictional crush. Not in terms of being a good character, necessarily, just the combination of all the traits that make you fangirl someone, put together in one person.
Oh, that's easy, that already exists, it's...
Lawrence Pritchard Waterhouse Yuuko Shadow Moon Topher Brink Chrestomanci Zoe Washburne Walter Bishop The Marquis de Carabas Enoch Root Donna Noble Adrian Veidt Elizabeth Bennet
Never mind. Let's actually answer the question, now that we have an appreciation of how all over the place my tastes are.
Watch me avoid gendered pronouns. This is going to be awesome.
Would frequently wear suits and ties, preferably suits of the '30s variety and ties of the bright colorful pattern variety. Would have enchanting moral ambiguity. Would make sparkling witty dialogue, but also occasionally indulge in terrible puns. Would occasionally spout long rambles about literature/philosophy/linguistics/all of the above. Would be good with children. Would be better with computers. Would be a righteous badass both in cerebral and fighting arts. Especially Calculus. Would frequently be an asshole but internally quite fiercely caring. Would live in a big city. Would have fabulous hair in some form. Would appreciate and/or write poetry. Would have some greater or lesser degree of androgyny. Would be left-handed. Would be a journalist in some capacity. Would in some way contradict/flout/subvert stereotypes for relevant social roles. Would have at least one PhD. Would be magic.
In other words... unlikely to exist.
2. What shall our business plan be when we open our bead shop in the mountains of Norway? Feel free to put forth as much ridiculousness as you feel like.
Let me tell you about the future.
In the future, we will have a house with a turf roof, a barn, a vegetable garden, and a fruit orchard, with many a plum tree, of course, in the mountains surrounding the fjords of Hordaland, in the most beautiful country on earth. We will have fifty-seven half-feral cats who will be mortal enemies with our half-feral flock of sheep. In the summer they will roam at will, keeping conflict to a minimum. In the depths of winter they will share the barn, and we will fight an endless battle to keep the path between the house and barn clear so that the violence never escalates.
During the brief days of the sub-Arctic winter, we will whittle stored pieces of wood into tiny, perfect beads, paint them, and string them onto wool yarn we make ourselves, until our eyes tire and we spend the evening in study and discussion and contemplation.
During the warmer months, we will take the ferry daily into Bergen, to tout our wares to unsuspecting, gullible tourists at the fish market. We will make a killing, because tourists love that shit. We will come home late and spend the near endless night sitting on our roof or wandering along the nearby slopes until we wander in to bed, our minds half-fevered from the magic and horror of the midnight sun.
Our nearest neighbors will we the mountain trolls, with whom we will sign a contract to our mutual benefit. This will be to ensure that they do not eat our sheep. (The cats, of course, can protect themselves.) We will occasionally invite them for tea at our cabin, though not too often, since trolls are not known for their table manners. Being good-natured sorts, they will occasionally bring us thoughtful but misguided gifts, such as bear carcasses, felled trees, and the souls of young women.
Four times a year we will take the train into Oslo to buy amenities we can't find elsewhere, and perhaps take in an opera.
Our ultimate aim, of course, will be world domination.
3. If you had only one day to take someone on the best tour of New York ever, what would your game plan be?
(This is written assuming clement, neither too hot nor too cold weather. It is also terribly subjective and smacks of self-indulgence [and stinginess], but it's the only plan I have.)
It would start with coffee and bagels with cream cheese and smoked salmon from my favorite deli. We would then take the subway to the Brooklyn side of the Brooklyn Bridge, damn it, because it might be touristy but the view is amazing. From there we'd walk down to Battery Park and take the Staten Island Ferry there and back. We'd take the subway up to the Met and wander there for a few hours. After that we would find a nice grassy slope in Central Park and have a picnic lunch and afternoon nap, which we would then walk off by going down Fifth Avenue and going into all the crazy expensive stores and not buying anything. We would continue our walk in Greenwich Village, go into any shop that caught our eyes, and maybe I would for once not get confused by the streets. We would have dinner at a nice Japanese restaurant. Then finally we would see a musical.
4. If you could have a superhero alter ego, what would it be? Describe your costume and general persona! If we are assuming Watchmen-esque superheroes, also feel free to include your personal brand of psychosis!
Superhero alter ego, hells yeah! -- um. She would be called the Lounge Lizard and wear the sleekest, shiniest, most perfect black tux you ever did see. She would be an expert fencer, and in fact carry around a cane-sword, along with a few knives for extra close-range violence tucked away in various hidden pockets. She would specialize, naturally, in high-end, wealthy-people crime. I suspect she would toy with her victims, trading lots of witty, sexually-charged banter whenever possible.
As for personality disorders? She'd probably be constantly bored, and when she stumbled upon an intelligent criminal with an actual interesting racket, she would either let it go or even help out.
She wouldn't be a very good superhero, but then, if we're talking Watchmen-esque, who is?
5. You can time travel back to any time in the past for, let's say a week. What time do you pick and what shenanigans do you get up to?
Bitchslap Descartes!-- no, Ayn Rand! -- no, James Joyce! -- no, Nathaniel Hawthorne! -- no, Aaron Burr! No... Threesome with Talleyrand and Germaine de Staël! Hang out with Kit Marlowe! OSCAR WILDE.
Okay, I'm actually going to have to go with Princeton in 1937, because Alan Turing. Also, as long as I'm in the '30s already, visit New York, raid some stores, get fitted for three-piece suits, get a lot of adorable dresses and hats, surreptitiously take lots of pictures of everything, try to meet famous people.
But mostly, I just hang around Alan Turing and annoy him with my enthusiasm and fangirling.