TMI fic: Numb
Super short Jace-centric fic (about 500 words). I've been working on this for a while, but just now got around to posting.
Title: Numb
Fandom : The Mortal Instruments
Pairing : None, all about Jace
Summary: "This moment would define him. This moment changed everything." Jace's thoughts after returning from Wayland Manor and finding out about Max.
Disclaimer: Not mine, everything belongs to Cassandra Clare!
Jace could feel it as the blood drained from his face. From the second he saw the limp hand of his brother Max, he knew that he wasn't just unconscious or injured. You can always tell the difference between the living and the dead. Training and experience had done that for him. He supposed he should be grateful, knowing that he hadn't rushed to Maryse with some false hope just to have it dashed again. He knew he should feel grateful for that, knew that he should feel grief for the boy, feel empathy for his family, feel pain at the loss, but he didn't feel anything.
Nothing at all.
He heard movement of the Shadowhunters around him, could see family members searching for lost and missing loved ones, he could taste the rancid air on his tongue, smell the metallic scent permeating the room, but he barely noticed when someone brushed against him. He didn't pay attention when he was shuffled from side to side as others in their haste rushed past him. He stood still in a room full people but seemed as though he were standing alone in a dark bubble completely separated from the actions surrounding him.
This was his fault. His fault.
He had left them. If he had been there, certainly he could have done something to stop it. Certainly Max would still be alive. If he had just stayed.
Out of the corner of his eye Jace spotted Clary and Simon in the crowd. He was only vaguely conscious of the fact that he had walked in with her. Had it only been a few hours ago that they had been in his childhood home together? It seemed as though it was years ago.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her move as if to come to him, but Simon held her back. For the first time, Jace felt something. He felt anger. Anger bubbled up in his chest and washed through his veins until his entire body shuddered with it. An irrational anger towards every person in the room, but focused on Clary. He had left with her. Gone to find the book for her mother, so she could save her mother. Not his mother, no matter how much people tried to convince him otherwise. If only he hadn't let his feelings for Clary cloud his mind and judgement.
Jace took a few deep breaths, realizing that if he didn't, he would surely explode. After a few horrible seconds, he could feel control returning to his body. At least his father had taught him this, the ability to push emotion aside and deal with things "like a man". His father was horrible in many ways, but he was almost grateful to not have to feel the anger and the pain.
Clenching his hands into fists until he could feel the indentions his nails were sure to leave behind on his palms, Jace enjoyed the steely resolve that took over his being. This moment would define him. This moment changed everything.
Title: Numb
Fandom : The Mortal Instruments
Pairing : None, all about Jace
Summary: "This moment would define him. This moment changed everything." Jace's thoughts after returning from Wayland Manor and finding out about Max.
Disclaimer: Not mine, everything belongs to Cassandra Clare!
Jace could feel it as the blood drained from his face. From the second he saw the limp hand of his brother Max, he knew that he wasn't just unconscious or injured. You can always tell the difference between the living and the dead. Training and experience had done that for him. He supposed he should be grateful, knowing that he hadn't rushed to Maryse with some false hope just to have it dashed again. He knew he should feel grateful for that, knew that he should feel grief for the boy, feel empathy for his family, feel pain at the loss, but he didn't feel anything.
Nothing at all.
He heard movement of the Shadowhunters around him, could see family members searching for lost and missing loved ones, he could taste the rancid air on his tongue, smell the metallic scent permeating the room, but he barely noticed when someone brushed against him. He didn't pay attention when he was shuffled from side to side as others in their haste rushed past him. He stood still in a room full people but seemed as though he were standing alone in a dark bubble completely separated from the actions surrounding him.
This was his fault. His fault.
He had left them. If he had been there, certainly he could have done something to stop it. Certainly Max would still be alive. If he had just stayed.
Out of the corner of his eye Jace spotted Clary and Simon in the crowd. He was only vaguely conscious of the fact that he had walked in with her. Had it only been a few hours ago that they had been in his childhood home together? It seemed as though it was years ago.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her move as if to come to him, but Simon held her back. For the first time, Jace felt something. He felt anger. Anger bubbled up in his chest and washed through his veins until his entire body shuddered with it. An irrational anger towards every person in the room, but focused on Clary. He had left with her. Gone to find the book for her mother, so she could save her mother. Not his mother, no matter how much people tried to convince him otherwise. If only he hadn't let his feelings for Clary cloud his mind and judgement.
Jace took a few deep breaths, realizing that if he didn't, he would surely explode. After a few horrible seconds, he could feel control returning to his body. At least his father had taught him this, the ability to push emotion aside and deal with things "like a man". His father was horrible in many ways, but he was almost grateful to not have to feel the anger and the pain.
Clenching his hands into fists until he could feel the indentions his nails were sure to leave behind on his palms, Jace enjoyed the steely resolve that took over his being. This moment would define him. This moment changed everything.