Add another straw
Having stupid panic attack. It came on as soon as I got home. Adrenalin overload is making everything weird & feel like I'm not really here.
I worked at the pub 11am-6pm today. This guy was giving me shit & being a creepy fucker through most of my shift. After starting off just being a perv, he grabbed me round the waist & wouldn't let go when I went to change the tv channel. I shouted at him & he let me go and said sorry.
Later on when I was loading the dishwasher, he came behind the bar & stood in front of me with his arm out to block my way & started making some dumb sexual innuendos about "pushing the right buttons etc" I pushed past him & yelled "Excuse me!" so the others would hear & he backed off.
After that he kept stopping midwalk as he walked across the pub & glaring at me. It was really creepy. I wasn't that bothered by him until later that day he kicked off on this guy & he was fucking psychotic.
I spoke to the manager after my shift & told him what happened & that I shouldn't have to put up with that kind of shit. The manager said he agreed & that the guy was "on his last chance anyway" & he will sort it out...
I know I shouldn't let things like this get to me but with everything put together (the whole flat/money situation/having to work 25 hours in shitty pub due to money worries (while trying to study full time) & the recent relapse etc) I'm just finding it hard to cope. An unbearable rash has flared up on my legs & lower body which the doctor says is eczema brought on by stress (but i hardly EVER get eczema!) Also, whenever I'm not at uni I feel so drained I just curl up in bed & sleep.
I am unable to concentrate on my uni work & taking information in. With the relapse I could fairly easily have caught up by now but with the whole flat situation worrying me sick I have got way too behind now to get worthwhile marks. My keyworker, tutors & doctor have advised that I consider taking a break from uni for the rest of this semester & start again the next academic year.
I know they are probably right & that I haven't fully recovered due to all the stress/circumstances etc. I just feel really angry with myself - like I should have been able to cope with all this & I have failed somehow.
I will now be taking steps to sort certain things out & protect myself emotionally & financially. This may not make me popular with certain people but to be honest I couldn't give a fuck. The time has come for me to start looking out for myself for once.
I worked at the pub 11am-6pm today. This guy was giving me shit & being a creepy fucker through most of my shift. After starting off just being a perv, he grabbed me round the waist & wouldn't let go when I went to change the tv channel. I shouted at him & he let me go and said sorry.
Later on when I was loading the dishwasher, he came behind the bar & stood in front of me with his arm out to block my way & started making some dumb sexual innuendos about "pushing the right buttons etc" I pushed past him & yelled "Excuse me!" so the others would hear & he backed off.
After that he kept stopping midwalk as he walked across the pub & glaring at me. It was really creepy. I wasn't that bothered by him until later that day he kicked off on this guy & he was fucking psychotic.
I spoke to the manager after my shift & told him what happened & that I shouldn't have to put up with that kind of shit. The manager said he agreed & that the guy was "on his last chance anyway" & he will sort it out...
I know I shouldn't let things like this get to me but with everything put together (the whole flat/money situation/having to work 25 hours in shitty pub due to money worries (while trying to study full time) & the recent relapse etc) I'm just finding it hard to cope. An unbearable rash has flared up on my legs & lower body which the doctor says is eczema brought on by stress (but i hardly EVER get eczema!) Also, whenever I'm not at uni I feel so drained I just curl up in bed & sleep.
I am unable to concentrate on my uni work & taking information in. With the relapse I could fairly easily have caught up by now but with the whole flat situation worrying me sick I have got way too behind now to get worthwhile marks. My keyworker, tutors & doctor have advised that I consider taking a break from uni for the rest of this semester & start again the next academic year.
I know they are probably right & that I haven't fully recovered due to all the stress/circumstances etc. I just feel really angry with myself - like I should have been able to cope with all this & I have failed somehow.
I will now be taking steps to sort certain things out & protect myself emotionally & financially. This may not make me popular with certain people but to be honest I couldn't give a fuck. The time has come for me to start looking out for myself for once.