I never think 'why can't they pull themselves together' of depressed people, but when I'm depressed I often get angry at myself for not being able to pull *myself* together - which makes it worse, I know. And I do stupid things like punching the floor with my fist and hurting my hand (and then I have the reminder of being stupid because my hand won't work properly for the next week, and I very much need my hands). I did the same thing over the summer (and still do it now) over the phobia thing - even in the middle of a panic attack there's a voice in the back of my head saying 'Pull yourself together and stop play-acting'.
I know the dark blanket feeling - like someone has pulled all the good bits from the world and there's really no point to anything and it's all bad.
I don't really know why I'm wittering on like this. The only comforting thing that I can say is that it will pass, and while that's almost always true it's also trite and not actually helpful. Or I could say that you're not alone in feeling like you do, and that you're not doing it on purpose - it's not your fault.
even in the middle of a panic attack there's a voice in the back of my head saying 'Pull yourself together and stop play-acting'.
*sigh of relief* Good to know someone else gets this.
Beth, babe, I really feel for you. I spent most of the last year of my degree wondering what the hell I was doing. But I realise your situation is even more difficult. And I just think you're doing amazingly well. I know it doesn't help much when you're low to have people insisting that you will be up again, but it's true.
If I can do anything practical to help, please let me know. I'm planning a quiet weekend round and about ergotia's, but we'd love to see you if you feel like a break. I hope you soon see all the reasons to stay. You would be desparately missed.
The very lovely psychologist who I saw a little bit back told me that it was a fairly normal thing to think, which reassured me no end. Not that knowing this shuts up the daft voice, though. Although the daft voice has quietened on the 'pull yourself together' a little and is louder with the 'you're only pretening to do this because you want attention' these days.
I know the dark blanket feeling - like someone has pulled all the good bits from the world and there's really no point to anything and it's all bad.
I don't really know why I'm wittering on like this. The only comforting thing that I can say is that it will pass, and while that's almost always true it's also trite and not actually helpful. Or I could say that you're not alone in feeling like you do, and that you're not doing it on purpose - it's not your fault.
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*sigh of relief* Good to know someone else gets this.
Beth, babe, I really feel for you. I spent most of the last year of my degree wondering what the hell I was doing. But I realise your situation is even more difficult. And I just think you're doing amazingly well. I know it doesn't help much when you're low to have people insisting that you will be up again, but it's true.
If I can do anything practical to help, please let me know. I'm planning a quiet weekend round and about ergotia's, but we'd love to see you if you feel like a break. I hope you soon see all the reasons to stay. You would be desparately missed.
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