today was eh.... but thats okay:)
So today was a little rough! Its amazing how the weather can affect your mode, but at least for me, it makes it easier to feel unhappy when its pouring outside.Well, I dont know, because this afternoon when the typhoon hit Tallahassee I thought, hey, no biggie! Ooo thunder, I love thunder! But as the day progressed I was attacked with this feeling of... I dont want to do anything. So I attmpted to practice piano, which definetly didnt work. Then I tried to take a nap but then my girls were socilizing in the hall and I didnt want to interupt because its so important for "community" so I gave up. Then I realized, man, I havent spent time with Daddy yet and maybe thats why im having such a bleak outlook on things. But, I havent visited facebook yet... Ill do that first. So I ended up being there for a good 45 minutes commenting on walls, looking at pictures, seeing if so and so is still with such and such..... and I started feeling irritated. There is a SLEW of things I could be doing right now that would be alot more productive and Im sitting at the computer... then it starts. I start hearing this voice thats reminding me that, in fact, I havent done ANYTHING productive today...except maybe one thing which was put my music project into MIDI....oh and ya, you havent practiced piano enough this week and your professor is going be so dissapointed in you, ya know, pretty much your a failure, you have done nothing but fail since you've been here....oh ya, and you havent done so great in the guy department 'cause,um.....where's your man? So I started to feel reeally upset so much so that I started to scream inside. I just wanted to hit something. I didn't like how I felt...I punched my pillow, I screamed into my pillow...poor pillow. I knew these were attacks from Satan, so I started praying against Him. It was hard, I felt like I was hitting this wall and he wasnt going to let me go. All lies and I recogonized them the momment they started. All I could think of was...1st John 4:4... He that is in you is stronger than he that is in the world. Over and over again, I broke free of it tonight when I was sitting in Navs and was listening to Dave speak. I realized that the computer had taken up too much of my life and that needed to stop. But God also showed me some things about my view on waiting for your husband. Often times I feel impatient with God... not really that uncommon I know. But as a woman I think I tend to fall into this idea that to wait for my future husband means to sit in a corner and wait until he finds me. The problem with that though, is that we get bored, we get to the point where were like... Okay God, im ready, where the heck is he! Ive been waiting all my life! The thing that sparked all this relationship thinking was when Dave spoke the verse that says( sorry I dont remember the reference) " He who has found a wife has found a good thing." He was telling us that found, in the literal hebrew, means " stumbled upon." The man doesnt go out searching for a wife, but he kinda accidently stumbles upon that lovely lady. Well, I dont think that only applies to men. But how can a woman stumble upon her man if she is just sitting in a corner?No, Nichole, waiting doesnt mean sitting around, in your heart, for your husband. It means to serve in the ways the God has called you, to minister and disciple the woman He has placed in your life, to enjoy all the joys of being single while you can, but most importantly to be romanced by your savior. That means alluring Him as well, writing him love notes, and affirming Him for all that He is. Even within my romance with my father I am not just sitting down letting him hold me, I am hugging Him back. Simple truths I know, but something that I was reminded of. This afternoon when I was being attacked by all those lies, I was feeling like I wasnt capable of doing anything. Satan wanted to disarm me, to put me into a more complacent mood, to feel like sitting down and twiddling my thums was the only option... Instead Im seeking Christ even more, its still hard, my spirit feels a bit opressed so pray for me. But! I know that satan had a reason for feeding me those lies... and I can't wait to see what he was trying to keep from happening.
~Nichole~
~Nichole~