(no subject)
i wish i was stronger. then i could just dissapear like i want to. but heres the thing: i decide that i want to lock myself up and never have to deal with people again, but then i get bored. and then i need my quick fix and then i get too much of a fix, and i retreat again. its a vicious cycle, but i keep returning to not wanting people, because they really arent worth it, no one really is. and im smart enough to know not to rely on people, that is always the advice i give, but apparently i dont listen to myself... then again i seriously question who should listen to me. although i would like to pretend otherwise i am not "smart" its like one of my friends says, sometimes people put up walls not to keep them up but to see whod break them down. and i know a whole hell of my friends wouldnt, thats why i dont put them up, even though i want to. no one would care, and i dont care enough for myself... therefore here i sit, stuck again on a friday night. party.