oopdot
i had an amazing weekend. when i'm near her, ... i just can't explain it. the girl is magic. my smiles never stop. i n s i d e a n d o u t. wrapped in warmwarm sunshine. m y o n l y sunshine. it's not that we did anything outrageous. we lounged. we opened gifts. we went to the mall. we kissed. we held each other. we laughed. we talked. we just s t a r e d at each other. she gets it. she just gets it. and when i had to leave her on saturday, i cried all the way to the toll booth.
in dead-stop trafic for two hours about two miles north of the toll booth, a state trooper told me that i should do a U - T U R N in the median because there was a fatal accident a mile and a half up the road and the alley would be shut down for six or seven hours... i smiled all the way back to her house. i called-in to work and i got twentyfourmore glorious hours with her majesty.
i didn't cry when i left the next morning. i was able to stave off the tears for awhile.
back home and . . . you know, home is home. it's tense. it's real. it's not magical without her around. my neck hurts and i complain too much and my bills are higher than the national debt. my parents are wonderful, but they drive me insane. i work too much and i'm bored and i feel listless and hopeless and i'm lacking creativity . . .
sometimes i feel like doogie houser when i write on here. only my journal is much more interesting than his . . . n o i t ' s n o t.
i admit it, i like kelly clarkson. glad i got that off my chest.
why is it so late?
why am i hungry?
where's my love-love?
i missed my therapy apointment today. that was dumb of me. dr. called me at 11 to have the session over the phone. he got me outta bed. started my day in tears. sometimes i really think that denial is the best policy.
i still have a serious grudge against cat. i don't know why i can't just deal with this. sometimes thinking about it keeps me awake. i'm pissed that she would apologize to dani and not me. i'm pissed that i feel so disposable to her. i'm pissed that she's the only person in my life who scares me because i know that if i confront her with how i feel, she's liable to tell me to go fuck myself - - she's done it once. she's told me that our friendship is over. i haven't processed that. it just hasn't been the same. it's a strange hurt that i can't grapple. i'm lost on her.
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight...
in dead-stop trafic for two hours about two miles north of the toll booth, a state trooper told me that i should do a U - T U R N in the median because there was a fatal accident a mile and a half up the road and the alley would be shut down for six or seven hours... i smiled all the way back to her house. i called-in to work and i got twentyfourmore glorious hours with her majesty.
i didn't cry when i left the next morning. i was able to stave off the tears for awhile.
back home and . . . you know, home is home. it's tense. it's real. it's not magical without her around. my neck hurts and i complain too much and my bills are higher than the national debt. my parents are wonderful, but they drive me insane. i work too much and i'm bored and i feel listless and hopeless and i'm lacking creativity . . .
sometimes i feel like doogie houser when i write on here. only my journal is much more interesting than his . . . n o i t ' s n o t.
i admit it, i like kelly clarkson. glad i got that off my chest.
why is it so late?
why am i hungry?
where's my love-love?
i missed my therapy apointment today. that was dumb of me. dr. called me at 11 to have the session over the phone. he got me outta bed. started my day in tears. sometimes i really think that denial is the best policy.
i still have a serious grudge against cat. i don't know why i can't just deal with this. sometimes thinking about it keeps me awake. i'm pissed that she would apologize to dani and not me. i'm pissed that i feel so disposable to her. i'm pissed that she's the only person in my life who scares me because i know that if i confront her with how i feel, she's liable to tell me to go fuck myself - - she's done it once. she's told me that our friendship is over. i haven't processed that. it just hasn't been the same. it's a strange hurt that i can't grapple. i'm lost on her.
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight...