chimney - the venting of hot air...
My grandmother - i cannot quite get over what she has said in the last few days and have to get it out of my system before i explode:
they are forever hassling us to visit them, so on our "holiday" last week, we went from Ipswich to Bedford on a Friday morning in order to meet them for lunch etc etc. She had to rearrange her hair appointment to accommodate this day, but as we were doing all the driving etc, i don't really feel to bad about this! We were later leaving than planned and I felt very ill (in tears at one point - not really me!!) for the first hour of the journey (largely due to baby being in uncomfortable position and trying to read the map whilst being driven) so we had to call and explain we would be late, but couldn't say how long as it had taken an hour to do 20 miles!!!! The next hour went no better, so had to call again and they said they would think of alternative lunch as the garden centre didn't serve very late. We did about 50 miles in the last hour of the journey and got there about 2.30pm (planned arrival time had been 12 noon!!!). They seemed pleased to see us but not ecstatic, so i put this down to late lunch and being messed around. Also couldn't find a flower shop anywhere on the way and didn't want to divert to shop and be even later arriving, so arrived empty handed, apparently a big no no, but with plans to send flowers this week to say thanks for a nice time. However, part way through lunch she made some bitchy comment about my parents (mum) not telling her much or keeping her up to date with the news, particularly when H was born and they just didn't hear anything from them for the first few months - I defended my mum and explained that we had requested they didn't pass on loads of information so that we could share the good news, as at the time we were not expecting to be A) quite so tired, and B) find out when H was 7 weeks old that we were going to have to move to lincs! She seemed to accept this and moved on, but i was a little surprised at how forceful and sharp she had been when it was more than 2 years since all that happened. As a coffee mate pointed out, she's probably making the point so that we don't do the same again with this one - ha, ha, ha!!
Anyway, went out for dinner last night and got back to find husband had not done a lot and was very cross - turns out my grandmother rang just as he was putting H's nappy on, asked if it was a good time, and he explained what he was doing and that I was out, so she asked if she should call back later, but as he knew it would be after 11 when i got in, he said not and he could take a message, talk now if she wanted to (I think expecting a brief "it was good to see you, did you get home ok?") Instead she launches into a go at him, explaining that her complaint hadn't been about before H was born, but after, and that they had heard nothing and they hadn't known if she had 3 legs or something cos they didn't get told anything etc etc etc. So he explained again that we had wanted to pass on the news ourselves and had been very busy in those first few weeks but it would have spoilt it for us not to be able to tell people about her when we got the chance, and got told that it had "rather spoilt it for us you know". At this point he gave the phone to H to have a chat rather than completely exploding - I think she is sooo lucky she got him and not me or she would have got it all back at her.
So, a nice night out, but come home to justifyably grumpy husband and didn't get to sleep til about 12.30am cos i was so cross and cannot believe that she rang and said that to him, bad enough to say it to me, but he isn't even a blood relative and shouldn't have to listen to such sh*t from any of my relatives.
What i cannot now decide is what to do - i am torn between ringing and putting her straight about my health in those 8 or so weeks so that she can understand why it happened (but why should i justify our actions to her, as i'm not aware of any law that says we had to tell them everything straight away), ringing and asking what the hell she is playing at talking to my husband in that way and pointing out it won't change the way we behave next time, or just not having any contact with them (her) at all, although this could take quite a while to sink in as i don't call them very often anyway. I can't decide if my grandfather is supporting all of this either, as he didn't say anything when we were there, but i understood they normally talked about things a lot and would have expected him to discourage her from calling if he didn't agree.
And part of me wants to let my mum know how badly she has behaved, but part of me doesn't want to involve her, as i don't see that as useful or appropriate...
Even before all this, I struggled to want to ring my grandmother, as she is such hard work, and now even more so, i just can't be bothered with the hassle - i can't think of any of her good points, as they all seem to be disappearing as she gets older. I also know she has a heart condition and can guarantee that if i ring and have a go, she'll have one of her "turns" (so far they haven't actually been heart attacks, although her stupid gp told her one of them was) and if i do her any harm my mother and grandfather would never forgive me (understandably) and i know i would regret it too. just at the moment, i wouldn't miss her much though, which i think is a pants way to feel about a grandmother i used to like, but as hard as i try to like her/be interested/care about what she says, it hasn't been happening and this really is the final straw.
I just hope getting it out of my system will help me, as i don't like feeling this way about her, or anyone...