(no subject)
I dont know how o start this one off, but I dont know how to do a lot of things. Today I got into yet another fight with my parents. They say I never talk to them, so I tried to start conversation. I talked to my Dad about some music and cars. All seemed to go well. Then my Mom got home and things started to go downhill. I was talking to them and I said " My teacher is a sexist bitch" because this is clearly true. Anyone who takes the class can say so. My Dad blew up on me and started giving me shit about how I talk. I'm not a bad kid at all. My dad was arrested after getting in a chase with the cops when he was 17, and he has room to act like I'm the bad one? Things just started to build up and build until he said " Get out of my face, you make me sick, I dont even want to see you." like he does pretty offten. This is deffently the thing you want to tell someone after they lost a dear friend and family member to suicide and they themselves have thought about doing the same on a few occasions. I couldnt take this fucking house so I took off. My Mom started bitching at me saying Im not driving anywhere, but I did. All night I kept getting phone calls from her which I never answered. I thought about where to go while driving. It turns up I was driving for a bit. I usually know where to go, but latley, I havent. I dont think things are the same. I really dont feel to close to a lot of my friends anymore. The people I need most latley are distant. Alot of people just hang out with thier boyfriend or girlfriend. You all know who you are, and dont even get pissed when you see this. When was the last time you made an attempt to hang out? These times have been the hardest and the most I've ever needed you, and I cant have your attention for very long at all. I dont get very many phone calls anymore. I hang out with primarily Nick and Will now. My best friend, Jordan, dosnt even call me anymore. I dont ever answer the phone and hear whatever rediculous crazy story he has to say. He never calls me and talks to me because he knows something is wrong anymore. No one does anymore. To some people I feel like I am an annoyance, like they dont want me around. I never tried to bother anyone or do anything bad. I just wanted to be nice. When I go to work, most of the time I feel like I'm excluded. Like everyone else is talking and working together, and Im in the back most of the time by myself. When I'm by myself I jsut sit there and think about all this shit and it gets me even more down. I use to think the one thing I had to fall back on was my friends. Latley, I feel like I dont have that really anymore. I havent hung out with some of my best friends in weeks. No one really knows the shit that I have been going through. Its not just teenage drama bullshit either. Some of you may read this and then the next day make a comment about this and say some qoute from here in a stupid voice making fun of me. Well if so, you can go fuck yourself. If thats how it is, I dont need you anyways. Not that many have shown a great amount of love latley. Some of you may just say, oh dont worry about it man, just chill out. Its really easy to say shit like that when you have no clue whats going on. Its easy to make things seem like no big deal when someone else is dealing with it. I'm not looking for a bunch of posts from people trying to prove that they are really there for me. Just because you took 2 minutes to type up some bullshit dosnt mean anything. Try actually being there.