Cannonball into the Water
It has been over a year since I've updated. Honestly, I had forgotten about Livejournal until today. I was just looking back at my last two entries. It seems like forever ago when all of that stuff happened. And since I didn't bother to put many details into them, I really can't remember some of the things that occurred.
It's hard to believe that a little over a year ago I was smitten with Tommy. We "dated" for about a month, if you can actually call it that. Then, he thoguht it best that we stop our so-called "dating." At the time, I wasn't happy about it, but I surprisingly got over it very quickly. And to this day, it still shocks me. But I look back on events that have happened since last April, and I can't really believe that I even wanted to date Tommy at all. I know that as you go through college, you're supposed to learn who you are and that people change. But I look back on the friendship that Tommy and I had freshman year, and I know that our friendship junior year was totallly different. I found myself putting in most of the effort. It was all so one-sided, and I knew that it was. But I was living in some sort of denial, and I just wanted to hold onto the friendship that we once had. And of course, our dating did not help out this cause. I'm not convinced that our dating is what made our friendship eventually come to an end, although people on the outside would probably say so. I think the friendship I had cherished so much came to an end long before that. And maybe our dating, his drastic change in personality, and his choosing his friend over me were just the things that pushed us over the edge.
And honestly, I still wish we were the way we were before. But I know that people change. I've definitely changed. And Tommy has gradually become the "frat boy" that I could never have as a best friend. I haven't actually talked to him since San Diego, and I hate that. I didn't even say goodbye to him before I left. One day, I'll muster up enough courage to drop him an email or something. But that day is not today. I just wanted to write these things down, because they have been on my mind...with graduation coming up and everything. I'm going to have to start updating more often. I forgot how much this actually helps.
It's hard to believe that a little over a year ago I was smitten with Tommy. We "dated" for about a month, if you can actually call it that. Then, he thoguht it best that we stop our so-called "dating." At the time, I wasn't happy about it, but I surprisingly got over it very quickly. And to this day, it still shocks me. But I look back on events that have happened since last April, and I can't really believe that I even wanted to date Tommy at all. I know that as you go through college, you're supposed to learn who you are and that people change. But I look back on the friendship that Tommy and I had freshman year, and I know that our friendship junior year was totallly different. I found myself putting in most of the effort. It was all so one-sided, and I knew that it was. But I was living in some sort of denial, and I just wanted to hold onto the friendship that we once had. And of course, our dating did not help out this cause. I'm not convinced that our dating is what made our friendship eventually come to an end, although people on the outside would probably say so. I think the friendship I had cherished so much came to an end long before that. And maybe our dating, his drastic change in personality, and his choosing his friend over me were just the things that pushed us over the edge.
And honestly, I still wish we were the way we were before. But I know that people change. I've definitely changed. And Tommy has gradually become the "frat boy" that I could never have as a best friend. I haven't actually talked to him since San Diego, and I hate that. I didn't even say goodbye to him before I left. One day, I'll muster up enough courage to drop him an email or something. But that day is not today. I just wanted to write these things down, because they have been on my mind...with graduation coming up and everything. I'm going to have to start updating more often. I forgot how much this actually helps.