What a fine balance.
I’ve felt brooding of late. A bit of internal turmoil that I really can’t explain. Everything is in order, and yet I find myself lacking. I believe it is idleness that does it to me. As school’s let out I have nothing to work towards or accomplish not even any homework to do. So my mind wanders. It finds other things to obsess upon and amuse itself with. It has the habit of getting stuck on a topic of thought, and rut of sorts, and finds it a difficult matter to remove itself from.
These mind locks come at inopportune moments and I must work extremely hard to dispel them. Enjoying an afternoon jog, laying still before sleep, or in the shower my mind will not budge from a particular thought. It builds to the point where it almost hurts. I do not know why this happens and work hard to occupy my thoughts so that these spells are limited.
To a brighter note; I don’t think I’ve had such a string of great dates (1 on 1) with a girl, as that I’ve had with Lauren. They start off simple enough, food, conversation, and a trip to the Grocery Store. But how often does a date involve canoli, bears, and nail polish all at once. The beauty of it all is that most of it is impromptu, and it comes on the spur of the moment. Neither of us really plans it. I enjoy all of it, and I can never tell what’s coming next. She keeps me guessing, and when I’m with her I constantly surprise myself.
I hit the trails today and forced myself to face some jumps that really scared me. I did them over and over, and my mind went into a sort of fog. I stopped concentrating as much, and let my body take over. I was waiting for a big bust, and a broken leg, but I managed to land every jump. Riding alone has its perks, but it can be lonely at times. You can take your own pace, and you can push your self as much as you want, but without some one else to make you reach for more, you really have no idea what you are capable of.
I miss the freedom of school, and being on my own. Breaks to end shortly, so I should enjoy the last days. Fleeting youth, and I spend my last year as a teen raped up in so much day to day. Yes, in so many ways a man, but in so many ways still a child.
What a fine balance.
For only once in my life….
A fine thing.
These mind locks come at inopportune moments and I must work extremely hard to dispel them. Enjoying an afternoon jog, laying still before sleep, or in the shower my mind will not budge from a particular thought. It builds to the point where it almost hurts. I do not know why this happens and work hard to occupy my thoughts so that these spells are limited.
To a brighter note; I don’t think I’ve had such a string of great dates (1 on 1) with a girl, as that I’ve had with Lauren. They start off simple enough, food, conversation, and a trip to the Grocery Store. But how often does a date involve canoli, bears, and nail polish all at once. The beauty of it all is that most of it is impromptu, and it comes on the spur of the moment. Neither of us really plans it. I enjoy all of it, and I can never tell what’s coming next. She keeps me guessing, and when I’m with her I constantly surprise myself.
I hit the trails today and forced myself to face some jumps that really scared me. I did them over and over, and my mind went into a sort of fog. I stopped concentrating as much, and let my body take over. I was waiting for a big bust, and a broken leg, but I managed to land every jump. Riding alone has its perks, but it can be lonely at times. You can take your own pace, and you can push your self as much as you want, but without some one else to make you reach for more, you really have no idea what you are capable of.
I miss the freedom of school, and being on my own. Breaks to end shortly, so I should enjoy the last days. Fleeting youth, and I spend my last year as a teen raped up in so much day to day. Yes, in so many ways a man, but in so many ways still a child.
What a fine balance.
For only once in my life….
A fine thing.