a thought... and some rambling
So I've noticed that I'm going back to old familiar things lately. LJ being one of them. The next being photography (stay tuned for some of that). Finally, I've been either rereading books that I've read already, or books that I was supposed to read in highschool or early college, but didn't because it was highschool/early college. You know what I'm saying here. Anyway I think it's because recently I've had epiphanies where I've been just going about my business and had thoughts about what my 16 year old self would think of me. While I'm working hard and trying my best, I *know* that I'm not where I thought I would be at 22. Then I start wondering if there was ever a time that I settled when I could have done better. I've landed on 3 different times in my life. The first was when I decided to be a lib arts major at Fredonia, instead of continuing to study music to try and get into a program later. The second was my complete inability to make friends at school (it must be said), and my immediate response being to become completely introverted and stop trying. The third is a result (kindof) of both of those. When I decided to transfer, I could have gone anywhere, but I ended up back in Syracuse at Le Moyne because it was the easiest, and safest choice.
Basically, the decisions that I most regret are those that were the safest at the time. I never thought of myself as someone who would be such a coward when it comes to the big decisions, but thinking about it now, I must be. I'm not sure, but I'd like to think that this phenomenon isn't exclusively something that I do. And hopefully some people who have also had to deal with this in the past have been able to kick it at some point in their lives. Anyway, I don't really have a resolution to the problem, but I thought it necessary to identify the issue in case it came up in later entries.
That's all. Except to point out that it's Friday night and I'm journaling because I'm stuck in someone's house babysitting. I really feel like accomplishing something. I need to get photoshop on my lappy so I can work on stuff while I'm away from home. I suppose babysitting on a Friday night is better than working at a store or restaurant on a friday night and watching other people enjoy their weekend. Anyway, <3 to all.
Erin
Basically, the decisions that I most regret are those that were the safest at the time. I never thought of myself as someone who would be such a coward when it comes to the big decisions, but thinking about it now, I must be. I'm not sure, but I'd like to think that this phenomenon isn't exclusively something that I do. And hopefully some people who have also had to deal with this in the past have been able to kick it at some point in their lives. Anyway, I don't really have a resolution to the problem, but I thought it necessary to identify the issue in case it came up in later entries.
That's all. Except to point out that it's Friday night and I'm journaling because I'm stuck in someone's house babysitting. I really feel like accomplishing something. I need to get photoshop on my lappy so I can work on stuff while I'm away from home. I suppose babysitting on a Friday night is better than working at a store or restaurant on a friday night and watching other people enjoy their weekend. Anyway, <3 to all.
Erin