i still hate xanax.

[more_and_more]

i ended up making $4.25 last night for one reason or another. lost, stolen, ect. got moopey and took one of kate's xanax. (i hate xanax) i started crying and called nick for a ride home, since i didn't make enough to get a cab home. kate fell asleep mid table. and 'the boy' and i have yet say a word to eachother. (though i heard that he's sorry, but still yet to actually hear it.) i haven't seen nick at all today because he's at the OLF this weekend. i'm still feeling the effects of what was a very very strong xanax. that numbly sad suicidal sort of feeling. i just really want to be held and played with and kissed.
how am i going to manage being cheery at work in a couple hours?