With due apologies and respect to the proper parties....
Open: A shop in Gotham City near closing time.
A customer walks in and slams down a cage upon the counter.
The clerk on the other side doesn’t turn around so the customer clears his throat.
“Hello Miss?” Customer
The Clerk turns around “what do you mean miss?”
“I’m sorry I’ve got a cold, but never mind that I wish to register a complaint.” Customer
“I’m sorry we’re closing for the night” Clerk
“Don’t put me off like that I wish to complain about this purchase I made not an hour ago in this very boutique.” Customer
“Yes, the, uh, the Gotham Grey Batman...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?” Clerk
“What’s wrong with it!!! Why I’ll tell ya what’s wrong with it my laddie, it’s DEAD.
THAT’s what’s wrong with it!” Customer
Clerk leans over into the cage “Um, no it’s um. Resting” The clerk nods and smiles slightly at the answer as he repeats it again.
“Look mate, I know a Dead Batman when I see one, and that is a Dead Batman!” Customer
:”No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Gotham Grey, isn’t it? Beautiful plumage! “
“His plumage doesn’t enter into it! It’s stone Dead!” Customer
“Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!” Clerk
“All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister BATMAN! I've got a nice set of batarangs for you if you wake up now! (pauses)
Oh help the joker is attacking the shop someone help us please…”
(Clerk bangs the cage)
“There he moved” Clerk
“That was you hitting the cage!” Customer
”I never!” Clerk says in mock outrage.
“You did so!” Customer
Clerk moves his mouth in silent denial.
Customer sets his face in stern affirmation and says “Right then.” Customer hits the cage repeatedly quite hard shaking it violently. “HELLO Batman! There’s been a breakout in Arkham Asylum! Stonegate has just been pillaged! Wake up now!” He grabs the cage and shakes it up and down and then slams the cage down on the counter again.
“THAT! Is a dead Batman!” Customer stops and fumes a bit.
“No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!” Clerk says recovering.
“STUNNED!” says the customer clearly shocked.
“Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Gotham Greys stun easily.” The Clerk says.
“...now look, mate, I've definitely had enough of this. That Batman is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out following a prolonged fight with Killer Croc.”
“Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for The Batcave.” Clerk
“Pining for the Batcave! What sort of rubbish is that? Why did it fall flat on it’s back off it’s perch the moment I got it home?”” Customer
“The Gothan Grey prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, isn’t it, squire? Lovely plumage!” Clerk
“Look, I took the liberty of examining that Batman when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.” Customer
The Clerk just stands there, his eyes going back and forth.
After a long pause he says “Well, of course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that Batman down, it would have muzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its utility belt, and . . . . VOOM!”
“Voom!?!?!” Customer
The clerks nods folding his arms in front of him in apparent triumph.
“Mate, this superhero wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'He’s bleedin' demised! He should be thrown in a lazarus pit!” Customer
“No, no he’s pining!”Clerk
: He's not pinin' He's passed on! This Batman is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and the Spectre has taken him to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him to the perch he’d be pushing up the daisies!
His metabolic processes are now history! He's kicked the bucket, He's shuffled off his mortal cowl and run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-BATMAN!! “
An Even Longer pause from the Clerk and then a resigned sigh.
“Well, then I’d better replace it then.”Clerk
The Clerk goes into the back and comes out with a small box a few minutes later
“Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of Superheroes. I have a few extra Legionnaires laying about but Thom is a bit off in the head and well the others….” Clerk
“I see, I see how it is! I have a mind to report you to the comics code authority!” Customer
“Um, well, I have a Salsa Shark!” The clerk takes a jar of salsa and a bag of tortilla chips.
He takes a chip and dips in halfway and swims it about in the salsa while singing the theme from jaws.
“Well, I never!” The customer walks out slamming the shop door.
The Clerk eats the chip and settles down into his chair behind the counter “This would be a great job if it weren’t for all the damn customers.”
Ba-dump bump.
A customer walks in and slams down a cage upon the counter.
The clerk on the other side doesn’t turn around so the customer clears his throat.
“Hello Miss?” Customer
The Clerk turns around “what do you mean miss?”
“I’m sorry I’ve got a cold, but never mind that I wish to register a complaint.” Customer
“I’m sorry we’re closing for the night” Clerk
“Don’t put me off like that I wish to complain about this purchase I made not an hour ago in this very boutique.” Customer
“Yes, the, uh, the Gotham Grey Batman...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?” Clerk
“What’s wrong with it!!! Why I’ll tell ya what’s wrong with it my laddie, it’s DEAD.
THAT’s what’s wrong with it!” Customer
Clerk leans over into the cage “Um, no it’s um. Resting” The clerk nods and smiles slightly at the answer as he repeats it again.
“Look mate, I know a Dead Batman when I see one, and that is a Dead Batman!” Customer
:”No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Gotham Grey, isn’t it? Beautiful plumage! “
“His plumage doesn’t enter into it! It’s stone Dead!” Customer
“Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!” Clerk
“All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister BATMAN! I've got a nice set of batarangs for you if you wake up now! (pauses)
Oh help the joker is attacking the shop someone help us please…”
(Clerk bangs the cage)
“There he moved” Clerk
“That was you hitting the cage!” Customer
”I never!” Clerk says in mock outrage.
“You did so!” Customer
Clerk moves his mouth in silent denial.
Customer sets his face in stern affirmation and says “Right then.” Customer hits the cage repeatedly quite hard shaking it violently. “HELLO Batman! There’s been a breakout in Arkham Asylum! Stonegate has just been pillaged! Wake up now!” He grabs the cage and shakes it up and down and then slams the cage down on the counter again.
“THAT! Is a dead Batman!” Customer stops and fumes a bit.
“No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!” Clerk says recovering.
“STUNNED!” says the customer clearly shocked.
“Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Gotham Greys stun easily.” The Clerk says.
“...now look, mate, I've definitely had enough of this. That Batman is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out following a prolonged fight with Killer Croc.”
“Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for The Batcave.” Clerk
“Pining for the Batcave! What sort of rubbish is that? Why did it fall flat on it’s back off it’s perch the moment I got it home?”” Customer
“The Gothan Grey prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, isn’t it, squire? Lovely plumage!” Clerk
“Look, I took the liberty of examining that Batman when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.” Customer
The Clerk just stands there, his eyes going back and forth.
After a long pause he says “Well, of course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that Batman down, it would have muzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its utility belt, and . . . . VOOM!”
“Voom!?!?!” Customer
The clerks nods folding his arms in front of him in apparent triumph.
“Mate, this superhero wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'He’s bleedin' demised! He should be thrown in a lazarus pit!” Customer
“No, no he’s pining!”Clerk
: He's not pinin' He's passed on! This Batman is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and the Spectre has taken him to meet his maker! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him to the perch he’d be pushing up the daisies!
His metabolic processes are now history! He's kicked the bucket, He's shuffled off his mortal cowl and run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-BATMAN!! “
An Even Longer pause from the Clerk and then a resigned sigh.
“Well, then I’d better replace it then.”Clerk
The Clerk goes into the back and comes out with a small box a few minutes later
“Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of Superheroes. I have a few extra Legionnaires laying about but Thom is a bit off in the head and well the others….” Clerk
“I see, I see how it is! I have a mind to report you to the comics code authority!” Customer
“Um, well, I have a Salsa Shark!” The clerk takes a jar of salsa and a bag of tortilla chips.
He takes a chip and dips in halfway and swims it about in the salsa while singing the theme from jaws.
“Well, I never!” The customer walks out slamming the shop door.
The Clerk eats the chip and settles down into his chair behind the counter “This would be a great job if it weren’t for all the damn customers.”
Ba-dump bump.