Time flies, doesn't seem a minute
One town's very like another
When your head's down over your pieces, brother
{murray head - one night in bangkok}
Here we are again. I'm surprised it's come so soon. One of the explanations for the feeling that the world speeds up as you get older is that we think further ahead and are trying to accomplish more. Looking over my 2009 review at the things our family did was... amazing. I'd made a bit to-do about the fact that 28 was my golden birthday, and it's been a really great year.
I've been really busy. I haven't really kept in touch with extended family and friends, I haven't been as regular at the dojo as I would like, I haven't even really done as much housework as I think is my share. But I've gotten to spend all kinds of time with my immediate family, and I understand that designation a lot better now. We've gone camping and hiking and biking and swimming. I got to play in the rain with some of my favorite people on the planet. I've watched sunrise from a train. My mother came to visit. Some dear friends moved to Portland.
I tested for my first Aikido belt back in November. This was really fulfilling because it meant I was finally a part of the dojo. One of the gut-checks it forced was for me to question if this was the right place for me to be, and the answer is yes. I miss Zen Martial Arts, but I've completed its curriculum. Reminders and encouragement would be nice, but all that remains is for me to carry out what I've learned. I miss some of the physical actions, but the Aikikai provides me with something I can't get at any other school: the space to develop wisdom. The refinements that Thoms-sensei is leading me towards REALLY complements what I learned at ZMA, but he does it in a way that forces me to do the work. I spend a lot of time feeling for subtle shifts in familiar movements, contemplating the few words he says, and generally trying to really understand martial arts.
Over this year I've had a lot of opportunity to exercise my training in a variety of situations. Most are not worth noting, like handling a child's teacher in a way that I'm proud of. Some are remarkable: an emergency situation in the woods past sunset and without water. Some are silly: Jen once observed me trying to catch a falling mason-jar-ring, which escaped my grasp and bounced on the counter at least THREE TIMES before I finally got hold of it. And most are simply life: being careful with money, open with the kids, honest with Jen, and not losing myself "waiting" for employment. There were numerous medical issues, each requiring patience and courage.
I was present for my sister's wedding, and it was AMAZING. Family together, a beautiful bride, and a million little rituals reaffirming love and connection. I got to hold my nephew for the second time that weekend. I think I said the words "I love my new life" about 600 times that weekend. I then crossed the country by car for the first time, completing the short leg I've taken from Michigan to DC. A few months later I went from Oregon to Chicago, again by car. I don't want to think about how many times I've been to Portland and back.
I landed a full-time job at the end of May. I was hired to help with the backlog and move the next-generation project forward. In doing those things, I've found myself in a leadership role: insisting on good development practices, becoming the reporting officer to our boss, picking up large jobs and moving them to completion... things are going so well I'm kind of confused at it. I've been fired from several jobs for not keeping up with the rest of the team, and now I'm a primary driver.
Most of all, I've continued to fall in love with Jen. I continue to be humbled by her strength and beauty. My children are delights and challenges, and my relationship with them grows deeper every day.
All I hear is what's playing through the in-flight radio
{jacks mannequin - bruised}
I've been so busy doing that I haven't had much reflection since last November. This morning, while showering and thinking of today, I realized that I am living my planned life almost exactly. For those who don't know, one of the most important pieces of the ZMA curriculum is to design one's life and to fearlessly pursue goals. I must admit, when I was instructed to write a story of "the perfect day" five years hence, I was skeptical. A year ago I'd "given up" on it, unsure of where my practice and my career were going. Unfortunately (or fortunately) this means I need to rewrite it for another five years.... meaning that my oldest will be out of the house, Jen will have graduated (perhaps twice?), and we will likely have moved.
Next year:
This time next year, I will have a child in each level of the 4J school district (primary, middle, high). Jen will be starting her last regular term of classes at UO, and signing up for graduation the following June. I'll still be with my current company and doing the same things, but my title will be wildly different.
In the next year, I want to:
- Take and pass the GRE, and submit an application for graduate studies at UO
- Go to Hawaii with Jen
- Visit my sisters in Rochester
- Attend two conferences or training sessions related to work
- Visit Jen in Japan when she goes there for summer studio
- Test for 5th kyu
- Get promoted to CTO
- Take a bike trip (Oregon Coast)
- Hike a peak (maybe Marys Peak)
- Learn how to kayak (probably at Waldo Lake)