This year will be deathly.
It is so amazing how death takes you by surprise every single time.
A couple of months back my paternal grandfather passed away alone in his house in Veracruz, Mexico.
Today my Aunt, Mercedes, passed away after years of suffering from epilepsy attacks..
But death, itself, is not what makes me write this entry today, but the fact that I have been unable to cry or feel utterly miserable in both cases.
This leads me to believe that I am a heartless human being, too selfish to cry about the death of people who were hardly ever in my life. I wonder if this sort of behavior/reaction is normal... And if this isn't normal, why is it that I am unable to feel anything about their deaths? I really do want to, and I feel bad for not being able to cry, and for seeing my mom and my other aunt cry. I wish I could cry, but I can't... It's so frustrating because I can cry when I see something on TV, but right now I can't!
Could it be that because I hardly spent time with them, they were like strangers to me, and that is why I can't feel their departure?
Perhaps it's the fact that I am conscious of the fact that both were rejected in different levels, and that because of this rejection their quality of life was bad... and that it is best to put an end to their conscious/unconscious misery/suffering.
I feel like such a bad Human Being.... What has happened to me?? Could it be age? My egocentricism?
I had to cancel on Luciano because of this terrible event.
I hope we all get to feel better, especially my mom and aunt... and my Abuelita who was the one who took care of my aunt Mercedes all these years. She must feel terrible, and desolated.
A couple of months back my paternal grandfather passed away alone in his house in Veracruz, Mexico.
Today my Aunt, Mercedes, passed away after years of suffering from epilepsy attacks..
But death, itself, is not what makes me write this entry today, but the fact that I have been unable to cry or feel utterly miserable in both cases.
This leads me to believe that I am a heartless human being, too selfish to cry about the death of people who were hardly ever in my life. I wonder if this sort of behavior/reaction is normal... And if this isn't normal, why is it that I am unable to feel anything about their deaths? I really do want to, and I feel bad for not being able to cry, and for seeing my mom and my other aunt cry. I wish I could cry, but I can't... It's so frustrating because I can cry when I see something on TV, but right now I can't!
Could it be that because I hardly spent time with them, they were like strangers to me, and that is why I can't feel their departure?
Perhaps it's the fact that I am conscious of the fact that both were rejected in different levels, and that because of this rejection their quality of life was bad... and that it is best to put an end to their conscious/unconscious misery/suffering.
I feel like such a bad Human Being.... What has happened to me?? Could it be age? My egocentricism?
I had to cancel on Luciano because of this terrible event.
I hope we all get to feel better, especially my mom and aunt... and my Abuelita who was the one who took care of my aunt Mercedes all these years. She must feel terrible, and desolated.