Monthly post
So I suppose it's time for my monthly post. I never really post anymore, frankly due to the fact that I currently have no life outside of school, and no one wants to hear about that. It's the same thing, over and over; work, stress, frustration, thoughts of dropping out resurfacing once a week, not caring, etc.
Been pretty sick the past two weeks. Started with the flu, which went full blown from a scratch in the throat to throwing up in 8 hours flat. However, it evolved to an infection in my bronchial tubes aka bronchitis with a side of a bit of mucus in the lungs. Doctor has me on Antibiotics, an inhaler and cough medicine with codeine. Getting better though; started coughing up white viscous sputem with flakes of blood, and now it's just normal ol phlegm. Sorry, that was probably disgusting.
I've probably have yet to report my dick of a downstairs neighbor. For awhile he was constantly banging on the walls, calling and cussing me out etc. It was all for tiny things, nonexistent noises I was making as I tip toed around the apartment, whispering in hushed voices. I even sacrificed grades and work time by forcing myself to stop working at 10pm.
Anyways, the tension reached it's zenith about 2 or 3 weeks ago, when, in the middle of the night whilst I was asleep he launched a full out assault on the walls. He was hitting them so hard that the shit on my bookshelf was vibrating. I became convinced that he was schizophrenic at that point, as I was happily asleep, thus making no noise when it happened. I had had enough, later that night I called the apartment manager and reported him. Haven't heard anything since, but I can tell there's alot of tension still. I met him in the stairwell a week ago and he had the most disgusting look of contempt on his face when he saw me. Honestly, I'm still a bit scared.
I just need to move the fuck out of this dump. It's a small studio, and by small I mean Japanese apartment small. I'm not a Japanese small person, I'm more like Russia; large, clumsy and crass. And all for a meager $850/month. Fuck that shit. I mean, I'm happy I'm not on the streets, and that I have a place to live, but I was pigeon holed with this one. The individual whom had previously agreed to share an apartment with me backed out the last minute when we were this <-> close from signing a lease, so I had to find another one in a week. This was the only one.
Socially, I've never been worse. The people, who only a year ago seemed to be close friends, strayed. Haven't hung out with anyone since Christmas break. Pathetic, I know. Everytime I get close to people and consider them friends, something happens. Like someone flicking a switch they suddenly vanish, they stop saying hello, stop inviting me to hang out, stop returning calls, etc. I hate it, but for how much I try, it never works. It never matters. I begin to have stupid thoughts, the ones where I wonder how long it would take for anyone to notice that I've vanished somewhere. I calculate and determined it would take over a month. The thought of vanishing somewhere has been tempting. Though seductive, it's something I never would do.
Life flickers in and out of focus, like a broken camera. Some days, it's clear and everything seems right and happy. Others, it seems like I am viewing life from underneath an ocean of water, so distant, unaware, quiet, and cold.
I should just stop it; this is why I never really post here. Because I end up typing stupid shit. Sometimes it just needs to be said. I would eventually explode if I didn't release in increments.
All apologies.
Been pretty sick the past two weeks. Started with the flu, which went full blown from a scratch in the throat to throwing up in 8 hours flat. However, it evolved to an infection in my bronchial tubes aka bronchitis with a side of a bit of mucus in the lungs. Doctor has me on Antibiotics, an inhaler and cough medicine with codeine. Getting better though; started coughing up white viscous sputem with flakes of blood, and now it's just normal ol phlegm. Sorry, that was probably disgusting.
I've probably have yet to report my dick of a downstairs neighbor. For awhile he was constantly banging on the walls, calling and cussing me out etc. It was all for tiny things, nonexistent noises I was making as I tip toed around the apartment, whispering in hushed voices. I even sacrificed grades and work time by forcing myself to stop working at 10pm.
Anyways, the tension reached it's zenith about 2 or 3 weeks ago, when, in the middle of the night whilst I was asleep he launched a full out assault on the walls. He was hitting them so hard that the shit on my bookshelf was vibrating. I became convinced that he was schizophrenic at that point, as I was happily asleep, thus making no noise when it happened. I had had enough, later that night I called the apartment manager and reported him. Haven't heard anything since, but I can tell there's alot of tension still. I met him in the stairwell a week ago and he had the most disgusting look of contempt on his face when he saw me. Honestly, I'm still a bit scared.
I just need to move the fuck out of this dump. It's a small studio, and by small I mean Japanese apartment small. I'm not a Japanese small person, I'm more like Russia; large, clumsy and crass. And all for a meager $850/month. Fuck that shit. I mean, I'm happy I'm not on the streets, and that I have a place to live, but I was pigeon holed with this one. The individual whom had previously agreed to share an apartment with me backed out the last minute when we were this <-> close from signing a lease, so I had to find another one in a week. This was the only one.
Socially, I've never been worse. The people, who only a year ago seemed to be close friends, strayed. Haven't hung out with anyone since Christmas break. Pathetic, I know. Everytime I get close to people and consider them friends, something happens. Like someone flicking a switch they suddenly vanish, they stop saying hello, stop inviting me to hang out, stop returning calls, etc. I hate it, but for how much I try, it never works. It never matters. I begin to have stupid thoughts, the ones where I wonder how long it would take for anyone to notice that I've vanished somewhere. I calculate and determined it would take over a month. The thought of vanishing somewhere has been tempting. Though seductive, it's something I never would do.
Life flickers in and out of focus, like a broken camera. Some days, it's clear and everything seems right and happy. Others, it seems like I am viewing life from underneath an ocean of water, so distant, unaware, quiet, and cold.
I should just stop it; this is why I never really post here. Because I end up typing stupid shit. Sometimes it just needs to be said. I would eventually explode if I didn't release in increments.
All apologies.