rambling.....
So, still making the effort to be better for next year... My goals are changing, not as to what I want to accomplish, but when I will be able to accomplish them.
At this present moment, I've got my altar half-way constructed. I'm totally excited! It's really been an issue with my family as to why I haven't done it before.. but now I'm to the point where I've just got to do it. I feel like such a slacker because I don't focus nearly enough attention as I should. Though my heart believes fully, and I am always living my life by what I believe, I feel like I haven't contributed enough or something.. it's odd. To relate to everyone else, it might be like a Christian who loves and worships their Savior, yet never attends church or prays. Granted, that is very common to find, but to me, it's like an empty feeling to hear of others who participate in rites and make that extra effort everyday ... and then there's me. So, this year I'm going to dedicate myself completely and even if I have to practice as a solitare, damnit, I'm going to feel better about this!
As far as moving out ... that's farther away. I have to get a new car now -.-; My car has decided it just wants to die. It's not worth fixing, it's really old, and in the long run it would be better to put the money it would cost to keep this one going, into a newer car. Fortunately, my boyfriend has connections with a car dealer, so I will get a really great deal on one. It's all a matter of me being completely strict with my money and focusing it all on a new car. Sigh. Sometimes, it doesn't feel like I will EVER get ahead!
On the plus side, I don't grocery shop very much anymore. I'm lactose intolerant and I refuse to spend money on drugs to alter that. Dairy isn't good for you anyway. Calcium is, yes, but the body was not meant to digest dairy products.. so I've cut those out of my diet because 1)I have to unless I want to be sick, and 2)for health reasons. Cutting out dairy alone and switching to soy, and eating only healthy, organic foods and lots of fruits and veggies, I'm not as hungry. I don't have to eat a whole lot to fill my tummy, and I feel healthier. Unfortunately, I will need new jeans as this has also made me drop my size... It's no fun to live mostly as a 3 and then discover OHHH they're too big.. time to stock up on smaller sizes.
And, yes, I know I'm obsessed with being thin anyway. I'm very controlling with my diet and what I do to control my size. But, I have to. I want to be a fashion model. Not the kind you see in a Macy's catalog or Seventeen magazine. Those girls are fat. For models, anyway. Sorry, but they are. The ones on Prada's runway, or in a Dolce Gabanna campaign.. on the cover of Vogue or W. That's where I want to be. And, if turning completely vegetarian and practically vegan is going to get me there, then that's what I'll do. I don't care if everyone says I look like a twig. I take it as a compliment, because one day I will be a rich twig ;) hahaha
And, to make sure I keep fit, my boyfriend is also a personal trainer.. so I know he'll be looking out for me to make sure I don't end up in a hospital >.O;
But, so yeah... moving out is getting pushed back because I'll probably have to take a loan for the car, and I will need to feel stable in those payments before I start paying rent. I can hardly wait to move out though! I want a place of my OWN to decorate and just have my alone time... :) the very idea excites me.
At this present moment, I've got my altar half-way constructed. I'm totally excited! It's really been an issue with my family as to why I haven't done it before.. but now I'm to the point where I've just got to do it. I feel like such a slacker because I don't focus nearly enough attention as I should. Though my heart believes fully, and I am always living my life by what I believe, I feel like I haven't contributed enough or something.. it's odd. To relate to everyone else, it might be like a Christian who loves and worships their Savior, yet never attends church or prays. Granted, that is very common to find, but to me, it's like an empty feeling to hear of others who participate in rites and make that extra effort everyday ... and then there's me. So, this year I'm going to dedicate myself completely and even if I have to practice as a solitare, damnit, I'm going to feel better about this!
As far as moving out ... that's farther away. I have to get a new car now -.-; My car has decided it just wants to die. It's not worth fixing, it's really old, and in the long run it would be better to put the money it would cost to keep this one going, into a newer car. Fortunately, my boyfriend has connections with a car dealer, so I will get a really great deal on one. It's all a matter of me being completely strict with my money and focusing it all on a new car. Sigh. Sometimes, it doesn't feel like I will EVER get ahead!
On the plus side, I don't grocery shop very much anymore. I'm lactose intolerant and I refuse to spend money on drugs to alter that. Dairy isn't good for you anyway. Calcium is, yes, but the body was not meant to digest dairy products.. so I've cut those out of my diet because 1)I have to unless I want to be sick, and 2)for health reasons. Cutting out dairy alone and switching to soy, and eating only healthy, organic foods and lots of fruits and veggies, I'm not as hungry. I don't have to eat a whole lot to fill my tummy, and I feel healthier. Unfortunately, I will need new jeans as this has also made me drop my size... It's no fun to live mostly as a 3 and then discover OHHH they're too big.. time to stock up on smaller sizes.
And, yes, I know I'm obsessed with being thin anyway. I'm very controlling with my diet and what I do to control my size. But, I have to. I want to be a fashion model. Not the kind you see in a Macy's catalog or Seventeen magazine. Those girls are fat. For models, anyway. Sorry, but they are. The ones on Prada's runway, or in a Dolce Gabanna campaign.. on the cover of Vogue or W. That's where I want to be. And, if turning completely vegetarian and practically vegan is going to get me there, then that's what I'll do. I don't care if everyone says I look like a twig. I take it as a compliment, because one day I will be a rich twig ;) hahaha
And, to make sure I keep fit, my boyfriend is also a personal trainer.. so I know he'll be looking out for me to make sure I don't end up in a hospital >.O;
But, so yeah... moving out is getting pushed back because I'll probably have to take a loan for the car, and I will need to feel stable in those payments before I start paying rent. I can hardly wait to move out though! I want a place of my OWN to decorate and just have my alone time... :) the very idea excites me.