(no subject)
I never check my voice mail. It could be weeks before I actually listen to any of the messages people leave for me. It's not because I don't care, it's because I just check my "recent calls" list and try to get back to the people that I missed. Some are luckier than others.
I finally checked my messages last night after about 4 days of accumulating missed calls. Dustin left a message that reaffirmed my opinion to check my messages (which is: don't).
He basically told me that it was ironic how I say people never change, and yet from the moment I've been out of his life, he's changed for the better and I've changed for the worse. Everything is better now that I'm gone. He said he went to the doctor to get tested for STDs and was surprised/relieved that he wasn't diagnosed with any diseases. On that note, he proceeded to tell me he was done with me and was going to start seeing other people.
It didn't hit me until this morning in the shower. The words he left on my voicemail that are still burning in my ears are thoughts that frequently cross my mind anyway. I never show it, and I try to convince myself otherwise, but I know that in the big scheme of things my life really doesn't benefit anyone else's. In fact, I'm sure the people in my life would be much better off if I wasn't there to waste time.
It hurts to actually hear that from someone you love, though. And, of course I still love Dustin. I can't be with him though. I want a life of financial security. Fuck love. Look what it does anyway!
Maybe I've been wrong all along. There isn't going to be anyone out there who is going to love me and cherish me and adore me. And that's fine with me. Fuck it.
Who needs love and adoration when physical pleasures last so much longer?
I finally checked my messages last night after about 4 days of accumulating missed calls. Dustin left a message that reaffirmed my opinion to check my messages (which is: don't).
He basically told me that it was ironic how I say people never change, and yet from the moment I've been out of his life, he's changed for the better and I've changed for the worse. Everything is better now that I'm gone. He said he went to the doctor to get tested for STDs and was surprised/relieved that he wasn't diagnosed with any diseases. On that note, he proceeded to tell me he was done with me and was going to start seeing other people.
It didn't hit me until this morning in the shower. The words he left on my voicemail that are still burning in my ears are thoughts that frequently cross my mind anyway. I never show it, and I try to convince myself otherwise, but I know that in the big scheme of things my life really doesn't benefit anyone else's. In fact, I'm sure the people in my life would be much better off if I wasn't there to waste time.
It hurts to actually hear that from someone you love, though. And, of course I still love Dustin. I can't be with him though. I want a life of financial security. Fuck love. Look what it does anyway!
Maybe I've been wrong all along. There isn't going to be anyone out there who is going to love me and cherish me and adore me. And that's fine with me. Fuck it.
Who needs love and adoration when physical pleasures last so much longer?