They say to cry is to know that you’re alive, but my river of tears has run dry.
I just had the sudden urge to call Zach. For some reason I want to talk to him. I don't know why. I want to call him with an urge like I miss him, but I don't miss him. I mean I don't think I do. I just feel shitty that we aren't friends any more. I wish he wasn't such an asshole, then maybe we could still be friends.
I don't want him back. I would never ever go back out with him. I want to be with someone else whom I care for quite a bit. I would like to have a civil conversation with him though. I would like to just know how he has been or something at least. I don't plan on pursuing my want to talk to him, but it would just be nice if he could be at peace with his hrut enoguh to talk to me.
He is hurt. I know this. I know what he probably thinks of me, too. He would use that as an excuse to not talk to me. I couldn't even begin to explain how many times during lunch I have seen him sitting alone with his head down...just like he always does...and just wanted to go over and say hi. I don't feel bad about anything I have done. I did what was right for me. That was the first time I thought about myself before him in 2 years.
I don't know if I wish things had worked between us. It kills me because we went through SO MUCH together. I mean he was there for me through it all. Hell and back he carried me. I don't think I give him enoguh credit for the things he did for me. I always talk about the shit he put me through, but he also did some things for me that saved my life. I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for him. I wish I could thank him, but I can't.
Heh. It's funny. We haven't talked for almost 2 months and now I feel kind of...I don't know. I feel a void I guess. I just need some closure on the issue I guess.
I should be happy as hell right now. I am buying a new car. I'm getting a job. I am falling for a new person. I am starting over and better this time around, but no! I can't be happy until I talk to Zach. WTF! I am going to call him. If he doesn't want to talk to me then fine. I'll leave it at that.
I don't want him back. I would never ever go back out with him. I want to be with someone else whom I care for quite a bit. I would like to have a civil conversation with him though. I would like to just know how he has been or something at least. I don't plan on pursuing my want to talk to him, but it would just be nice if he could be at peace with his hrut enoguh to talk to me.
He is hurt. I know this. I know what he probably thinks of me, too. He would use that as an excuse to not talk to me. I couldn't even begin to explain how many times during lunch I have seen him sitting alone with his head down...just like he always does...and just wanted to go over and say hi. I don't feel bad about anything I have done. I did what was right for me. That was the first time I thought about myself before him in 2 years.
I don't know if I wish things had worked between us. It kills me because we went through SO MUCH together. I mean he was there for me through it all. Hell and back he carried me. I don't think I give him enoguh credit for the things he did for me. I always talk about the shit he put me through, but he also did some things for me that saved my life. I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for him. I wish I could thank him, but I can't.
Heh. It's funny. We haven't talked for almost 2 months and now I feel kind of...I don't know. I feel a void I guess. I just need some closure on the issue I guess.
I should be happy as hell right now. I am buying a new car. I'm getting a job. I am falling for a new person. I am starting over and better this time around, but no! I can't be happy until I talk to Zach. WTF! I am going to call him. If he doesn't want to talk to me then fine. I'll leave it at that.