(1) No breaks in its deathly existence? That sounds a bit...odd... kind of like, "The inside of the house was nonexistent" (like from Wonderwarts) it makes sense, but..not really. (2)She would have screamed in her horror? I thought you just said that she WAS the one who was screaming...and you said no sound would emit... (3) I thought that she would be having trouble following clear thoughts...you made it sound like her thoughts were all worded out and everything...
I thought it was good...except the first thing rose said...and the third..her thoughts were kinda too clear... The sentences seemed kinda choppy, but it worked well with the story, so...yeah.
Wait... This is off topic, but we always get off topic. On your userinfo it says "this is my TIP livejournal account" (except "journal" was misspelled.) ...wha? Does that suggest that you have another livejournal account, or am I just seeing things?
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(1) No breaks in its deathly existence? That sounds a bit...odd... kind of like, "The inside of the house was nonexistent" (like from Wonderwarts) it makes sense, but..not really.
(2)She would have screamed in her horror? I thought you just said that she WAS the one who was screaming...and you said no sound would emit...
(3) I thought that she would be having trouble following clear thoughts...you made it sound like her thoughts were all worded out and everything...
But aside from that trivial stuff, I liked it.
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The sentences seemed kinda choppy, but it worked well with the story, so...yeah.
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I finally managed to listen to The General.
HahahahaHAHAHAAAAA!!!! *drunk**not really*
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This is off topic, but we always get off topic.
On your userinfo it says "this is my TIP livejournal account" (except "journal" was misspelled.)
...wha? Does that suggest that you have another livejournal account, or am I just seeing things?
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If you have another account, I would like to see it...
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