mr oberst how can you know my feelings better than I know them
More than anyone deserves anything
Maybe I am selfish, but there is no way to share this
There’s not enough to go around, I don’t care who else gets hurt
But I’m still sick with empathy because I once stood in his place
I spent a year quietly dying while he let go and ignored her
And I’m sure that there are reasons for everything that happens
And absence leads to adoration, yeah it’s nobody’s fault
But now there is no way to change this
So I just photographed and framed it
And it’s hanging in a hallway
That we have no right to walk back down
But I hope that he feels better but I’m sick of all the drama
I can’t stand to see her crying, I just want this shit to end
And I want a place to hang out where record players play out
And there’s a thousand movies rented for a thousand nights with her
[grargh. I'm so. confused. also...did I mention I think I might maybe kind of halflike 2 boys? Do you know how ridunkulously ridiculous that is? I mean, really... Is this how I have to be? EMOTIONALLY SHATTERED BY BOY..LIKE A GIRL..EMOTIONALLY SHATTERED BY GIRL..LIKE BOY..EMOTIONALLY SHATTERED BY BOY..mass suicide?..no..but really..Its so much fucking easier to NOT like people especially people who fuck me over and decide I'm not worthy of their time, not worth seeing, not worth the breath they use to speak, and not worthy of them taking 30 seconds to type anything out to me...so...I cant just keep running to whats safe and then leave whats safe because it doesnt feel passionate...so...hookers it is...cept not really. Its crossed my mind but, I have a heart condition..I have a heart. bahaha. no seriously...plus...I'm odd, I'd have to find someone who'd let me love them unconditionally yet keep me at arms length, because I dont trust anyone to touch me, how is that a normal statement, I get my ego out of knowing I'm good at things, I dont care to be touched, not because I dont -like- it, because I can like it..But..I just dont trust people enough, and I just dont need that..because it humanizes me..and in my head I'm unworthy of touch, since so many have dubbed me unworthy of their conversation? Yeah. Fuck people who dont talk to me...because I treat people really fucking good, but whatever if they dont care I cant make them, but back to my original point? You think me saying: WANTED-GIRL WHO WANTS ME TO GIVE HER ORGASMS, BUY HER FLOWERS, AND CUDDLE WHILE LISTENING TO MUSIC/WATCHING MOVIES, BOOBS PLEASE? YOU DONT HAVE TO LOVE ME, BUT LET ME SAY IT TO YOU AND YOU CAN DO A HALF SMILE AND I CAN BE LIKE, I'M HOLDING SOMEONE. AWESOME. NO STRINGS ATTATCHED. you think I could find someone to answer that but no]
Anyway, I have a friend, shes told me ENOUGH TIMES that she just cannot see me with a man...and it would make her sad to know a girl was beind deprived of my devotion, and that a guy wouldnt get that I draw borders on my letters, and that I call when I say I will...and that always made me feel better, that I've been told, I'm WHY lesbians exist, because, sometimes girls need something good going for them and sometimes boys arent good for them, and I'd be really good for a girl... So... I dont know... I feel like being like SO BY THE BY, LOOK WHOS BI she'd be like *wtf x pi..squared*
edit:
hey so
you know I'm fucked up but we like me anyway..
but
how is it
I can wake up sooo insightful and giggly from my own workings of my mind when I have bondage dreams
but when I have getting hurt dreams I try to rip my legs off
and shirley manson [or whoever] is hot and me being 10 isnt and ones fantasy and ones memory but I've got the worst...it looks like if cancer + plague + herpes + pox had a baby on my leg the size of my hands. I've been having wicked night terrors again.
FUN PICTURES I PROMISE
his name is sabastian, hes like..a lady bug with claws, moms getting me one, his name will be "pope" cause HOLY CRAB!
A SHIRT I GOT, the only thing I own with any fushcaiia pinkypurple on it, and its skullriffic, they had a brown one with just a skull and it had a gold tooth but I was like, bitch please. whatchu tryin to prove. but it was cool..actually my only beef was not the tooth at all, but rather it had swords not bones for the X
This is my Zen. And. My mitts I bought off a lesbian street vendor
speaking of lesbians, today in my line up, there was a cute dyke with a RAINBOW TONGUESTUD I was like *wibble* my voice cracked when I said heres your change, cause GOD IS FUNNY. It was totally $1.69 I was like errm.. *wibble*
OH! I GET IT! A TANGERINE WATCH!
SNAKES ON A PLANE? NO! DOGS ON A TRAIN..
Maybe I am selfish, but there is no way to share this
There’s not enough to go around, I don’t care who else gets hurt
But I’m still sick with empathy because I once stood in his place
I spent a year quietly dying while he let go and ignored her
And I’m sure that there are reasons for everything that happens
And absence leads to adoration, yeah it’s nobody’s fault
But now there is no way to change this
So I just photographed and framed it
And it’s hanging in a hallway
That we have no right to walk back down
But I hope that he feels better but I’m sick of all the drama
I can’t stand to see her crying, I just want this shit to end
And I want a place to hang out where record players play out
And there’s a thousand movies rented for a thousand nights with her
[grargh. I'm so. confused. also...did I mention I think I might maybe kind of halflike 2 boys? Do you know how ridunkulously ridiculous that is? I mean, really... Is this how I have to be? EMOTIONALLY SHATTERED BY BOY..LIKE A GIRL..EMOTIONALLY SHATTERED BY GIRL..LIKE BOY..EMOTIONALLY SHATTERED BY BOY..mass suicide?..no..but really..Its so much fucking easier to NOT like people especially people who fuck me over and decide I'm not worthy of their time, not worth seeing, not worth the breath they use to speak, and not worthy of them taking 30 seconds to type anything out to me...so...I cant just keep running to whats safe and then leave whats safe because it doesnt feel passionate...so...hookers it is...cept not really. Its crossed my mind but, I have a heart condition..I have a heart. bahaha. no seriously...plus...I'm odd, I'd have to find someone who'd let me love them unconditionally yet keep me at arms length, because I dont trust anyone to touch me, how is that a normal statement, I get my ego out of knowing I'm good at things, I dont care to be touched, not because I dont -like- it, because I can like it..But..I just dont trust people enough, and I just dont need that..because it humanizes me..and in my head I'm unworthy of touch, since so many have dubbed me unworthy of their conversation? Yeah. Fuck people who dont talk to me...because I treat people really fucking good, but whatever if they dont care I cant make them, but back to my original point? You think me saying: WANTED-GIRL WHO WANTS ME TO GIVE HER ORGASMS, BUY HER FLOWERS, AND CUDDLE WHILE LISTENING TO MUSIC/WATCHING MOVIES, BOOBS PLEASE? YOU DONT HAVE TO LOVE ME, BUT LET ME SAY IT TO YOU AND YOU CAN DO A HALF SMILE AND I CAN BE LIKE, I'M HOLDING SOMEONE. AWESOME. NO STRINGS ATTATCHED. you think I could find someone to answer that but no]
Anyway, I have a friend, shes told me ENOUGH TIMES that she just cannot see me with a man...and it would make her sad to know a girl was beind deprived of my devotion, and that a guy wouldnt get that I draw borders on my letters, and that I call when I say I will...and that always made me feel better, that I've been told, I'm WHY lesbians exist, because, sometimes girls need something good going for them and sometimes boys arent good for them, and I'd be really good for a girl... So... I dont know... I feel like being like SO BY THE BY, LOOK WHOS BI she'd be like *wtf x pi..squared*
edit:
hey so
you know I'm fucked up but we like me anyway..
but
how is it
I can wake up sooo insightful and giggly from my own workings of my mind when I have bondage dreams
but when I have getting hurt dreams I try to rip my legs off
and shirley manson [or whoever] is hot and me being 10 isnt and ones fantasy and ones memory but I've got the worst...it looks like if cancer + plague + herpes + pox had a baby on my leg the size of my hands. I've been having wicked night terrors again.
FUN PICTURES I PROMISE
his name is sabastian, hes like..a lady bug with claws, moms getting me one, his name will be "pope" cause HOLY CRAB!
A SHIRT I GOT, the only thing I own with any fushcaiia pinkypurple on it, and its skullriffic, they had a brown one with just a skull and it had a gold tooth but I was like, bitch please. whatchu tryin to prove. but it was cool..actually my only beef was not the tooth at all, but rather it had swords not bones for the X
This is my Zen. And. My mitts I bought off a lesbian street vendor
speaking of lesbians, today in my line up, there was a cute dyke with a RAINBOW TONGUESTUD I was like *wibble* my voice cracked when I said heres your change, cause GOD IS FUNNY. It was totally $1.69 I was like errm.. *wibble*
OH! I GET IT! A TANGERINE WATCH!
SNAKES ON A PLANE? NO! DOGS ON A TRAIN..