Updating
I haven't updated in quite a while. I've been updating on MySpace instead for some reason. I suppose it doesnt matter. I just write on either so I can let off steam.
Today I get to see Mike after 5 weeks of being restricted from him for reasons unbeknownst to most. He finally decided to apolgize to my parents. He's so god damn stubborn. He thinks hes always in the right when most of the time he isnt. It sucks for me because I love to fight and when I want to, he either pisses me off by saying I win, or getting really mad and not talking to me. He won't just put up a good fight. Sometimes he will and I usually lose for some reason. I've gotta get better at that.
I also realized that I don't know much about him. Like I think I do but there's alot of stuff he doesn't tell me. Like he knows everything about me because I'm really open about most stuff or I say it on the fly you know? Like he knows my fav. food and color and animal, little facts but he either doesnt tell me stuff about him or I just plain don't remember them, which is highly probable since I've been forgetting alot of things lately in the midst of my turmoil.
If you are wondering about my surgery,it went well. I didnt like being there and I didnt like not knowing where I was nor that they were putting me to sleep and I couldnt remember at all anything that happened which I suppose is for the better. Also I didnt like blood being drained from my system or having one IV stuck in my hand and then being missed and the other stuck in my arm and hurting for eight days straight. Im in pain all the time now and Im tired and I cant trust my parents and they dont trust me and just when I thought I was getting my friends back, they desert me once more.
I thought that once the hard part was over, I might be able to retain some strength of sanity but because this merry go round of hysteria continues, I find myself spinning out of control sometimes and I have to sit down and try and find some sturdy facts and in my life and cling to them. I'm afraid one day I'll spin out of control and not of the brain power to find the known facts in my life and I won't stop spinning and my parents will find me on the floor in some kind of seizure.
Today I get to see Mike after 5 weeks of being restricted from him for reasons unbeknownst to most. He finally decided to apolgize to my parents. He's so god damn stubborn. He thinks hes always in the right when most of the time he isnt. It sucks for me because I love to fight and when I want to, he either pisses me off by saying I win, or getting really mad and not talking to me. He won't just put up a good fight. Sometimes he will and I usually lose for some reason. I've gotta get better at that.
I also realized that I don't know much about him. Like I think I do but there's alot of stuff he doesn't tell me. Like he knows everything about me because I'm really open about most stuff or I say it on the fly you know? Like he knows my fav. food and color and animal, little facts but he either doesnt tell me stuff about him or I just plain don't remember them, which is highly probable since I've been forgetting alot of things lately in the midst of my turmoil.
If you are wondering about my surgery,it went well. I didnt like being there and I didnt like not knowing where I was nor that they were putting me to sleep and I couldnt remember at all anything that happened which I suppose is for the better. Also I didnt like blood being drained from my system or having one IV stuck in my hand and then being missed and the other stuck in my arm and hurting for eight days straight. Im in pain all the time now and Im tired and I cant trust my parents and they dont trust me and just when I thought I was getting my friends back, they desert me once more.
I thought that once the hard part was over, I might be able to retain some strength of sanity but because this merry go round of hysteria continues, I find myself spinning out of control sometimes and I have to sit down and try and find some sturdy facts and in my life and cling to them. I'm afraid one day I'll spin out of control and not of the brain power to find the known facts in my life and I won't stop spinning and my parents will find me on the floor in some kind of seizure.