(no subject)
The girls in my class have told me that they think that Alex and I are the cutest couple. Which is very nice and makes me happy. =]
On Monday it was our one month since our first date. And supposedly we were supposed to get each other something? Didn't know that. Also didn't know that we were gonna use our first date as our lil anniversary thing. So i think i'll start getting him something at the 2nd month. Yeah. We held hands in the hallway yesterday. It was really nice and cute. =]
aside from alex, i need to get my butt in gear and start figuring out what to write my college app essay on. I am so far behind. yesterday i didn't feel like i was, but now i'm feeling really crunched for time. Blah. I will get it done. I will. I haven't been worried yet. So, no reason to get worried now. Right?
Christmas is making me sad and happy. Happy because I love Christmas. Sad because I love Christmas. Sad because too many traditions were lost and too many memories are forced to be just that. Memories. It's just not as special anymore. And it won't be for a very long time, I'm afraid.
I'm waiting to feel something. I'm so numb. I hate it. I'm moving on. Which, you'd think is a good thing. But it's hard to accept that I need to do that. You have no idea how hard I have tried to stop change and to stop from moving on. Because, if I move on, that means that my parents are just memories. They are apart of the old life that I am being forced to move away from. I know I need to move on. I know it seems like I HAVE moved on. But i've been repressing it and hoping it won't happen. Because it means they aren't here anymore. They are stored away. Letting me live my life. Letting me be happy. Hoping I'll move on so I CAN be happy. But how can one be happy when they've lost almost everything? Truly, truly happy? Is it possible? Is it fathomable? Can I do it? Can I move on and let my parents be memories?
I am so lost.
On Monday it was our one month since our first date. And supposedly we were supposed to get each other something? Didn't know that. Also didn't know that we were gonna use our first date as our lil anniversary thing. So i think i'll start getting him something at the 2nd month. Yeah. We held hands in the hallway yesterday. It was really nice and cute. =]
aside from alex, i need to get my butt in gear and start figuring out what to write my college app essay on. I am so far behind. yesterday i didn't feel like i was, but now i'm feeling really crunched for time. Blah. I will get it done. I will. I haven't been worried yet. So, no reason to get worried now. Right?
Christmas is making me sad and happy. Happy because I love Christmas. Sad because I love Christmas. Sad because too many traditions were lost and too many memories are forced to be just that. Memories. It's just not as special anymore. And it won't be for a very long time, I'm afraid.
I'm waiting to feel something. I'm so numb. I hate it. I'm moving on. Which, you'd think is a good thing. But it's hard to accept that I need to do that. You have no idea how hard I have tried to stop change and to stop from moving on. Because, if I move on, that means that my parents are just memories. They are apart of the old life that I am being forced to move away from. I know I need to move on. I know it seems like I HAVE moved on. But i've been repressing it and hoping it won't happen. Because it means they aren't here anymore. They are stored away. Letting me live my life. Letting me be happy. Hoping I'll move on so I CAN be happy. But how can one be happy when they've lost almost everything? Truly, truly happy? Is it possible? Is it fathomable? Can I do it? Can I move on and let my parents be memories?
I am so lost.