(no subject)
After the break in Collegiate Band tonight, one of the grad assistants tapped me on the shoulder during the piece we were working on and said that Dr. Schmidt needed to see me in his office at that time. I got up in the middle of everything and immediately began shaking as I walked down the hall to his office.
When I walked in, no one else was in there, and I made a conscious effort to leave the doors open before following his command to, "take a seat." I looked right at him as he asked if I knew why I was there in his office, and I could only answer that my assumption was that it had to do with facebook posts, more specifically one from before the semester began. After he acknowledged yes, I simultaneously warned him that I was going to get very emotional about this situation and began to cry.
He told me that I didn't need to get so worked up about this and that he just wanted to make sure I am on board for the trip and that he can count on me to be on his "team." I asked him if he honestly needed to question that and told him that I hoped after the five years that I've been at this school, my reputation would have preceded me a bit more than that. He said that that was all true, but that since I am a senior now, I need to be able to accept a role as a leader. At this comment, I just gave him a blank stare as I continued to blink back the tears, asking him if he had any idea of all the things I have done in this school.
Continuing, he needed my confirmation that I would be an asset on the trip, and not playing for "team snarky." He told me that he (direct quote) "knows I don't always agree with everything he does, but he was here before me and will be here after me and it's up to him to make sure this program is successful." My response was that "while it's true that I don't always agree with him, I have never gotten in the way of his goals." He acknowledged that and said that that was a good point.
When that conversation was done, he asked if we were good then, and when I couldn't answer with anything other than a teary shrug, he asked what else was on my mind. (He really needs to learn not to do that.) This brought up another aspect of the conversation--why had it taken two months to bring this conversation up?
He told me that he wanted to give me time to let things settle in, and that when he had been ready to talk about it, that's when Brad's "birthday fiasco" occurred, and he didn't want Brad to think he was talking to me about that. I asked why he couldn't have just talked to me when everything happened so I didn't have to hear all the rumors flying around, especially those that were starting right there in his office. He told me that no one was really sure how to handle a situation like this one since it hadn't happened before, so when they took it to Dr. Sullivan, he said he would handle it from there. I told Dr. Schmidt how immensely my opinion of the School of Music changed through the way everything was handled and how "I am so grateful that this is my last semester because of all the things that have happened."
As I was leaving, he mentioned that I was going to need to talk to Jennifer about this whole situation. I asked him if I should talk to her in person or send her an email and he said that he didn't really like to get involved in her "shit." To that, I wondered why he got her involved with all this in the first place then! He told me that even if she wasn't tied in to all this through him, if she had found out on her own she could have just called the school and said that she didn't have room for a second semester student teacher. I told him that that wouldn't have been possible because neither she nor any of her students would have been able to see the post, but he just went on to tell a story about a teacher in her hometown that was fired for posting a picture drinking with her high school students in France where the drinking age was lower. He seems to have an irrelevant story for everything.
After about thirty-five minutes had passed and we came to a mutual halt in conversation, I headed back to Collegiate Band and tried to enter when they were playing so no one noticed. As soon as I sat down, I got three different texts from people in the group asking if I was ok because I looked so upset and had puffy eyes from crying for so long. I'm not sure why the distraction was necessary, nor why he thought the only reasonable thing to do was to pull me out of a class to talk about something that happened a few months ago.
Right as I was leaving his office though, I told him thank you for finally talking about this situation with me and that while I didn't agree at all with the way anybody handled it, at least there wasn't still the big pink elephant in the room. I mentioned the first day of Wind Symphony this semester when someone made a "That's what she said" joke and he made a comment to the person about being kicked out of the class while glancing over to me. He tried to deny that, but eventually admitted to it, and agreed that that was childish. 73 days and counting...
When I walked in, no one else was in there, and I made a conscious effort to leave the doors open before following his command to, "take a seat." I looked right at him as he asked if I knew why I was there in his office, and I could only answer that my assumption was that it had to do with facebook posts, more specifically one from before the semester began. After he acknowledged yes, I simultaneously warned him that I was going to get very emotional about this situation and began to cry.
He told me that I didn't need to get so worked up about this and that he just wanted to make sure I am on board for the trip and that he can count on me to be on his "team." I asked him if he honestly needed to question that and told him that I hoped after the five years that I've been at this school, my reputation would have preceded me a bit more than that. He said that that was all true, but that since I am a senior now, I need to be able to accept a role as a leader. At this comment, I just gave him a blank stare as I continued to blink back the tears, asking him if he had any idea of all the things I have done in this school.
Continuing, he needed my confirmation that I would be an asset on the trip, and not playing for "team snarky." He told me that he (direct quote) "knows I don't always agree with everything he does, but he was here before me and will be here after me and it's up to him to make sure this program is successful." My response was that "while it's true that I don't always agree with him, I have never gotten in the way of his goals." He acknowledged that and said that that was a good point.
When that conversation was done, he asked if we were good then, and when I couldn't answer with anything other than a teary shrug, he asked what else was on my mind. (He really needs to learn not to do that.) This brought up another aspect of the conversation--why had it taken two months to bring this conversation up?
He told me that he wanted to give me time to let things settle in, and that when he had been ready to talk about it, that's when Brad's "birthday fiasco" occurred, and he didn't want Brad to think he was talking to me about that. I asked why he couldn't have just talked to me when everything happened so I didn't have to hear all the rumors flying around, especially those that were starting right there in his office. He told me that no one was really sure how to handle a situation like this one since it hadn't happened before, so when they took it to Dr. Sullivan, he said he would handle it from there. I told Dr. Schmidt how immensely my opinion of the School of Music changed through the way everything was handled and how "I am so grateful that this is my last semester because of all the things that have happened."
As I was leaving, he mentioned that I was going to need to talk to Jennifer about this whole situation. I asked him if I should talk to her in person or send her an email and he said that he didn't really like to get involved in her "shit." To that, I wondered why he got her involved with all this in the first place then! He told me that even if she wasn't tied in to all this through him, if she had found out on her own she could have just called the school and said that she didn't have room for a second semester student teacher. I told him that that wouldn't have been possible because neither she nor any of her students would have been able to see the post, but he just went on to tell a story about a teacher in her hometown that was fired for posting a picture drinking with her high school students in France where the drinking age was lower. He seems to have an irrelevant story for everything.
After about thirty-five minutes had passed and we came to a mutual halt in conversation, I headed back to Collegiate Band and tried to enter when they were playing so no one noticed. As soon as I sat down, I got three different texts from people in the group asking if I was ok because I looked so upset and had puffy eyes from crying for so long. I'm not sure why the distraction was necessary, nor why he thought the only reasonable thing to do was to pull me out of a class to talk about something that happened a few months ago.
Right as I was leaving his office though, I told him thank you for finally talking about this situation with me and that while I didn't agree at all with the way anybody handled it, at least there wasn't still the big pink elephant in the room. I mentioned the first day of Wind Symphony this semester when someone made a "That's what she said" joke and he made a comment to the person about being kicked out of the class while glancing over to me. He tried to deny that, but eventually admitted to it, and agreed that that was childish. 73 days and counting...