(no subject)
I feel not necessarily depressed as of late, but just not.... happy. Its a strange feeling really. I've felt depressed before, but it seems so much different than that. Maybe I've been feeling stressed out for so long that my brain decided to give up.
I feel myself getting teary eyed very easily. I worry about friends, family, my partner, and I worry about the state of the world. I think about people dying and having their lives destroyed in Lebanon and I feel sympathy, sadness, guilt, shame as if I had something to do with this tradgedy.
I feel sad for political prisoners.
I feel sad for wimmin beaten and raped by men (and other wimmin) for no good reason (not that there is ever a GOOD reason for that sort of thing).
I feel sad about racism and how it affects people. I feel guilty for sometimes thinking it isn't as bad as it really is. I'm white, I don't have to face racism, so how could I understand? The reminder of nazis forming here is enough to wake me up out of that. That also makes me depressed. There is a large muscular man here now that has swastika band tattoos on his legs. What makes people hate others so much?
I'm sad about the people in the world living in poverty.
I feel sadness about pro-choice/anti-abortion issues
I feel worried about my play. I am so swamped!
I feel stressed about work! I need a new job!
I'm sad about school coming up. I wanna go, but I'm scared for an unknown reason.
I'm worried that my partner will no longer desire my company. I need to spend less time with him, not because I don't love spending time with him, but because I miss myself. I need to have one day a week where I just do something nice for myself. I am worried that he will feel this means I no longer love him the same and that I don't want him around anymore. This couldn't be farther from the truth. I feel my relationship has gone to a whole new level of love and friendship. I feel like things are better than ever. Its not that I want to spend less time with him, but I want to spend more time with myself. I haven't been very good to myself, and I've been hearing my friends say they feel the same way about their own lives. I try to treat myself with a bottle, but in the end, it doesn't help me find the relaxation and peace I desire. I fear that my need will drive him away and he'll be angry with me. I just want him to know that I love him very much, and that I just want a couple hours a week to love myself. I hope he understands.
I am hoping that these feelings will go away soon. I want to start our new life in our new appartment. It just always seems that when things finally start to work out, there is something else. I wish that things could just work out on their own sometimes.
I feel myself getting teary eyed very easily. I worry about friends, family, my partner, and I worry about the state of the world. I think about people dying and having their lives destroyed in Lebanon and I feel sympathy, sadness, guilt, shame as if I had something to do with this tradgedy.
I feel sad for political prisoners.
I feel sad for wimmin beaten and raped by men (and other wimmin) for no good reason (not that there is ever a GOOD reason for that sort of thing).
I feel sad about racism and how it affects people. I feel guilty for sometimes thinking it isn't as bad as it really is. I'm white, I don't have to face racism, so how could I understand? The reminder of nazis forming here is enough to wake me up out of that. That also makes me depressed. There is a large muscular man here now that has swastika band tattoos on his legs. What makes people hate others so much?
I'm sad about the people in the world living in poverty.
I feel sadness about pro-choice/anti-abortion issues
I feel worried about my play. I am so swamped!
I feel stressed about work! I need a new job!
I'm sad about school coming up. I wanna go, but I'm scared for an unknown reason.
I'm worried that my partner will no longer desire my company. I need to spend less time with him, not because I don't love spending time with him, but because I miss myself. I need to have one day a week where I just do something nice for myself. I am worried that he will feel this means I no longer love him the same and that I don't want him around anymore. This couldn't be farther from the truth. I feel my relationship has gone to a whole new level of love and friendship. I feel like things are better than ever. Its not that I want to spend less time with him, but I want to spend more time with myself. I haven't been very good to myself, and I've been hearing my friends say they feel the same way about their own lives. I try to treat myself with a bottle, but in the end, it doesn't help me find the relaxation and peace I desire. I fear that my need will drive him away and he'll be angry with me. I just want him to know that I love him very much, and that I just want a couple hours a week to love myself. I hope he understands.
I am hoping that these feelings will go away soon. I want to start our new life in our new appartment. It just always seems that when things finally start to work out, there is something else. I wish that things could just work out on their own sometimes.