circle of life
What a cliche title huh?
Well Jiaden finished up her first year of real school at the begining of June. She's looking forward to first grade, but is super excited that she gets the whole summer off. I didn't figure that excitement would come for a few more years, but hey whatever. She is still having speech issues, but has made great strides this year and is still above the bar for any sort of speech therapy. So I guess that's good. She's improved a lot on her own over the last 2 years and she writes very well for a 6 year old. Her writing is more of a late first early second grade level as far as development goes. You win some you lose some right?
We are jetting of to Vancouver for a tiny vacation courtesy of his youngest sister. And by "courtesy of" I mean she decided to get married thousands of miles away in a different country so we get to spend outrageous amounts of money to be there for her special day. lol It should be fun if my mood holds up through the weekend, I'll get to my emotional rollercoaster issues in a sec... Jaiden first ride in an airplane. She's very excited and I am doing my best to not project any of my flight anxiety on her. I got David to stop talking about planes crashing because I don't think that thought has occurred to her yet. David is obsessed with planes crashing and he is convinced that every time he gets on a plane this is the time it will crash...and I get sick on planes...so we are quite the pair. I already bought my pills so I should be fine don't worry!
On to "Bad Thing Good Thing". Bad thing: my camera died after 6 years of prety heavy use. the LCD started looking funny and that also affected the veiwfinder and how the pictures turned out. Good Thing: I got a new camera! I am now the proud owner of the 10 megapixel Canon Digital Rebel XTi. I ned to take a class to get into the gus of it, but even with my not having a clue about how any of the manual stuff works it takes kick ass pics in full auto modes with the kit lens.
Bad Thing: My Grandma dies a couple of weeks ago. Good Thing: She's not suffering or living half a life any more. She was diagnosed with lung cancer about a year or so ago and chose not to seek treatment for it. Being that this was her third bout with cancer in her life and she had just turned 79 I understood her decsion and probably would have done the same thing myself. She was going strong until she had a stroke last November. It was a mild stroke, but enough to wack her out pretty good. She still had all of her phsyical capabilites, but was never quite all there again mentally. She would forget words and stuff like that, get confused pretty easily. SO as far as strokes go she was lucky, but as far as life goes she was not. She wasn't allowed to drive anymore so she had lost all the free wheeling independance she was used to overnight. I can't even imagine what that must be like. So she lived in her home with my family staying with her when she felt she needed it and keeping things up for her until about three weeks ago. That's when it got to the point that someone was going to have to be there all the time and my parents just couldn't swing that with 2 full time jobs. So that's where the talk of a new assited living place comes in which of course my Grandma is very against. Well I was there for a visit and as I left town she was being taken to the emergency room. She went back home that afternoon and went downhill pretty quick. She died shortly after my Dad had the talk with her about not going back home after she recovered here.
So yeah...I have had a fair amount of people die in my lifetime. Most pretty close family and a few not so close family. So why is this time seeming so much differnt than all the rest? My guess is because of Jaiden. Obviously she's old enough to get what's going on. SHe went to all of the services with me and was actually very grown up about the whole thing. I talked to her after my Dad called with the news about Great Grandma being dead and what that means and that we would go to the church to say goodbye. We talked about going to the funeral home and how she would be able to see Great Grandma if she wanted to and how that was possible even though she was dead. All sorts of stuff that I would normally just strap down and not deal with...just go on about my life because what's the point of getting all distraught over something you had no control over. Well it's not working out that way this time. So I have been up and down, mostly down, but so that's why I am not sure about this weekend. Of course his family is going to be all joyous and happy and they should be, but I am having trouble mustering up the same happiness for them. And all of the family drama and feelings that come back out during things like this doesn't help. You wonder at what point did you start not knowing the people you are related to. When did they change or is it you that changed? So right after we get back from Vancouver on Sunday I am driving home to help my Mom and Dad clean and paint my Grandmas house to get it ready to sell. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Of course it needs to be done, but I had my first christmas there, my first communion dinner, and all sorts of other stuff. I also had my best friend from high schoool show up with her Mom for the church service. I never did get a chance to talk to her and we have lost touch over the years so it really shocked and touched me that she was there. I bought a card, but have been at a loss as to what to write to express what I feel...
If you have gotten this far...Thanks for listening. =) Wish me luck this weekend!
P.S. screw the spell checking....deal with it! :P
Well Jiaden finished up her first year of real school at the begining of June. She's looking forward to first grade, but is super excited that she gets the whole summer off. I didn't figure that excitement would come for a few more years, but hey whatever. She is still having speech issues, but has made great strides this year and is still above the bar for any sort of speech therapy. So I guess that's good. She's improved a lot on her own over the last 2 years and she writes very well for a 6 year old. Her writing is more of a late first early second grade level as far as development goes. You win some you lose some right?
We are jetting of to Vancouver for a tiny vacation courtesy of his youngest sister. And by "courtesy of" I mean she decided to get married thousands of miles away in a different country so we get to spend outrageous amounts of money to be there for her special day. lol It should be fun if my mood holds up through the weekend, I'll get to my emotional rollercoaster issues in a sec... Jaiden first ride in an airplane. She's very excited and I am doing my best to not project any of my flight anxiety on her. I got David to stop talking about planes crashing because I don't think that thought has occurred to her yet. David is obsessed with planes crashing and he is convinced that every time he gets on a plane this is the time it will crash...and I get sick on planes...so we are quite the pair. I already bought my pills so I should be fine don't worry!
On to "Bad Thing Good Thing". Bad thing: my camera died after 6 years of prety heavy use. the LCD started looking funny and that also affected the veiwfinder and how the pictures turned out. Good Thing: I got a new camera! I am now the proud owner of the 10 megapixel Canon Digital Rebel XTi. I ned to take a class to get into the gus of it, but even with my not having a clue about how any of the manual stuff works it takes kick ass pics in full auto modes with the kit lens.
Bad Thing: My Grandma dies a couple of weeks ago. Good Thing: She's not suffering or living half a life any more. She was diagnosed with lung cancer about a year or so ago and chose not to seek treatment for it. Being that this was her third bout with cancer in her life and she had just turned 79 I understood her decsion and probably would have done the same thing myself. She was going strong until she had a stroke last November. It was a mild stroke, but enough to wack her out pretty good. She still had all of her phsyical capabilites, but was never quite all there again mentally. She would forget words and stuff like that, get confused pretty easily. SO as far as strokes go she was lucky, but as far as life goes she was not. She wasn't allowed to drive anymore so she had lost all the free wheeling independance she was used to overnight. I can't even imagine what that must be like. So she lived in her home with my family staying with her when she felt she needed it and keeping things up for her until about three weeks ago. That's when it got to the point that someone was going to have to be there all the time and my parents just couldn't swing that with 2 full time jobs. So that's where the talk of a new assited living place comes in which of course my Grandma is very against. Well I was there for a visit and as I left town she was being taken to the emergency room. She went back home that afternoon and went downhill pretty quick. She died shortly after my Dad had the talk with her about not going back home after she recovered here.
So yeah...I have had a fair amount of people die in my lifetime. Most pretty close family and a few not so close family. So why is this time seeming so much differnt than all the rest? My guess is because of Jaiden. Obviously she's old enough to get what's going on. SHe went to all of the services with me and was actually very grown up about the whole thing. I talked to her after my Dad called with the news about Great Grandma being dead and what that means and that we would go to the church to say goodbye. We talked about going to the funeral home and how she would be able to see Great Grandma if she wanted to and how that was possible even though she was dead. All sorts of stuff that I would normally just strap down and not deal with...just go on about my life because what's the point of getting all distraught over something you had no control over. Well it's not working out that way this time. So I have been up and down, mostly down, but so that's why I am not sure about this weekend. Of course his family is going to be all joyous and happy and they should be, but I am having trouble mustering up the same happiness for them. And all of the family drama and feelings that come back out during things like this doesn't help. You wonder at what point did you start not knowing the people you are related to. When did they change or is it you that changed? So right after we get back from Vancouver on Sunday I am driving home to help my Mom and Dad clean and paint my Grandmas house to get it ready to sell. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Of course it needs to be done, but I had my first christmas there, my first communion dinner, and all sorts of other stuff. I also had my best friend from high schoool show up with her Mom for the church service. I never did get a chance to talk to her and we have lost touch over the years so it really shocked and touched me that she was there. I bought a card, but have been at a loss as to what to write to express what I feel...
If you have gotten this far...Thanks for listening. =) Wish me luck this weekend!
P.S. screw the spell checking....deal with it! :P