Old White Dude Misunderstanding #4532

[moosecharmer]

Here is a video of Fox News resident douche Glenn Beck reciting the AmeriCorps pledge, the very same one that I took:

Click to view

Let's get the obvious jokes out of the way first: Why is he wearing lederhosen? The program has America in the title. Also, Obama already has an army, and it's called the United States Fucking Army. And the boy scout hand gesture? Somebody better tell this dude that the vast majority of A*Corps members are women in their twenties.

So then let's look at the actual pledge all AmeriCorps members take:

I will get things done for America -

to make our people safer,
smarter, and healthier.

I will bring Americans together
to strengthen our communities.

Faced with apathy,
I will take action.

Faced with conflict,
I will seek common ground.

Faced with adversity,
I will persevere.

I will carry this commitment
with me this year and beyond.

I am an AmeriCorps member,
and I will get things done.

So you see the inherent comedy! I admit, it is hilarious. You got me, Glenn Beck. In fact, I'm inspired to join your ranks. Allow me to aim so high as to take the pledge of you and yours!

*dons suit and gray wig*

THE FOX NEWS DOUCHE PLEDGE

I will put shit off for America,
to make out people dumber, whiter, and angrier.

I will split Americans apart,
And hopefully get rid of those "urban" neighborhoods if yanno what I mean (and I think you do)

Faced with idealism,
I will bring sarcasm.

Faced with communication,
I will grossly misunderstand

Faced with logic,
I will cover my ears an go LALALALALA

I will carry this commitment with me to my dying day,
which you just know is gonna be in a long-ass time, so get used to me.

I am a Fox News Douche,
And I get paid way more than you.