Eternal...
You're searching....for your light?
I feel really bad about Emily, but how long am I supposed to try to make things work between us before I say enough is enough? I really don't know what to do. When she came to work yesterday, she was very sad-looking and when I tried to talk to her, she was very short with me. That was when I decided that there was nothing to be done and that I was just going to quit. But then, she told Jessica that she wanted to talk to me. I really didn't think there was anything to say, so I said I wouldn't. Emily eventually decided to come up to me and try to talk, but I still couldn't think of anything to say and I really didn't know what she intended to say, so I said no to her too. After work, she text messaged me saying that I didn't care about her and that I am the reason she doesn't trust guys now. Yes, make me feel better. The thing is, the reason I broke up with her was because I care enough about her to realize that I would end up really hurting her if we continued to date and I didn't want to do that to her. That would be really bad. I realized that while I care about her a lot, it wasn't the type of caring that I was hoping it would be, and without my heart there, hers was going to be broken if I kept putting up the front that mine was there. It also makes me feel bad because I don't know how I have broken her trust in guys. I'm only one guy and how did i break our trust?? I really don't know, but I think at this point I'm getting numb to the pain of losing people that are close to me. After enough pain, you tend to get used to it.
This world has been connected. Tied to the darkness... soon to be completely eclipsed. There is so very much to learn. You understand so little.
I'll assume that since Steph added me as a friend she has read my livejournal... how interesting this will be I'm sure. I have concluded that things are not going to get better with Steph and Marissa, and that really sucks. But Emily on the other hand... I still think I haven't fucked that up too much. But of course, we will see how things unfold. I ended up texting her back saying that I really did care about her and that I loved being her friend, but it's going to require effort on both of our parts.....at the same time. I honestly don't know what else to do, and that's no good. Ha, I asked Ica if she thought that the thought of a hopefull tomorrow was what kept people from killing themselves. I can't remember what she said, but I think it was a yes.
One who knows nothing can understand nothing