(no subject)
So... haven't written in a while and while I should get to bed to get 8 hours before work tomorrow (yay for the AM shift!) I somehow needed to write.
I have 3 more days left of work. I had my exit interview today and got so much off my chest. At one point, I was explaining what it was like to have my hours, compared to those slightly earlier of my roommates (aka only support system in the whole city) and how hard it was to consistently come home to an empty house other than those who were long ago in bed, and I actually started crying mid-interview just thinking about it. It has been a fucking hard year. When asked if I'd known what I was in for a year ago, would I do it all over, I actually had to give a partial no. Only if I could be in a placement other than Couderc. Yes the year's been valuable and yes I've learned a lot and yes I adore the MercyWorks program overall, but this has been such a miserable and disappointing year and I really feel like it didn't have to be. I'm mouring the end of my year both for all the things and people I will miss, but also for all the hopes that weren't realized. For how little of me was left, after all my stressors and stuggles, to give to the youth that I came here to serve. That I wasn't the success story I came here to be. It's going to take a long time to come to terms with all of it.
Well either way, I've just got 5 days left. 3 to work, one to finish packing and say goodbye, and Wednesday AM to load up the truck and get out of town.
This is so surreal and so hard.
I have 3 more days left of work. I had my exit interview today and got so much off my chest. At one point, I was explaining what it was like to have my hours, compared to those slightly earlier of my roommates (aka only support system in the whole city) and how hard it was to consistently come home to an empty house other than those who were long ago in bed, and I actually started crying mid-interview just thinking about it. It has been a fucking hard year. When asked if I'd known what I was in for a year ago, would I do it all over, I actually had to give a partial no. Only if I could be in a placement other than Couderc. Yes the year's been valuable and yes I've learned a lot and yes I adore the MercyWorks program overall, but this has been such a miserable and disappointing year and I really feel like it didn't have to be. I'm mouring the end of my year both for all the things and people I will miss, but also for all the hopes that weren't realized. For how little of me was left, after all my stressors and stuggles, to give to the youth that I came here to serve. That I wasn't the success story I came here to be. It's going to take a long time to come to terms with all of it.
Well either way, I've just got 5 days left. 3 to work, one to finish packing and say goodbye, and Wednesday AM to load up the truck and get out of town.
This is so surreal and so hard.