You Show Off Your Light (Quinn/Rachel)
Name: You Show Off Your Light
Rating: PG
Length: 3150
Spoilers: New York
Summary: Rachel hears a song in her heart.
Author's Note: In addition to that being the worst summary I have ever written, this fic is pure fluff, and honestly, I wrote a good part of it at four in the morning, and it's unbetad so it probably barely makes sense. Otherwise, the title is from the song "Boats and Birds" by Gregory and the Hawk, and I hope you enjoy it!
It is both surprising and completely expected to find Quinn Fabray at the Glee Club Girl First Annual Summer Sleepover. Expected because, well, Quinn was a member of the glee club, and a girl. Surprising because, well, Rachel was not blind to the tenuous relationship she and Quinn held, and the sleepover was being held at Rachel’s house, where Rachel would be hostess.
But Quinn hadn’t seemed too perturbed with any of Rachel’s missteps (not that she was in agreement with Kurt, Mercedes, or Santana that choosing to decorate her basement with various Disney princess paraphernalia was really a misstep), and hadn’t shied away from having conversation with Rachel. They had a wonderful conversation about Quinn’s summer activities (“I’m taking painting classes with my mom and Brittany,”Quinn had muttered as she glanced over her shoulder at Brittany, who was asking Santana what a cornucopia was in the middle of a game of Apples to Apples. “Apparently, Brittany is a gifted student of modernistic abstract art.”The twisted smile on Quinn’s face indicated clearly what Quinn though of modernistic abstract art.)
And Rachel had been surprised when Quinn rolled out her sleeping bag next to Rachel’s own, star-covered one. Quinn had only rolled her eyes and indicated the sleeping pairs already established around the room, and muttered, “You were alone, and you shouldn’t be.”
Rachel’s eyes had only widened, and she had remained in the same stunned position until Quinn reached out from her sleeping bag and slapped Rachel on the leg and ordered, “Berry, lay the hell down before I regret not accepting Brittany’s offer of joining her and Santana’s nest over there.”
Rachel was now laying flat on her back, contemplating the ceiling and the remarkable turn in Quinn’s personality, when Quinn suddenly shifted closer. Quinn’s soft thigh brushed Rachel’s hand and for a moment, Rachel was so distracted with the almost-silk feel of the skin beneath her fingertips that she forgot to be respectful and remove her hand.
Her fingers slid over the skin and Quinn’s head shifted closer to Rachel’s shoulder, her leg moving back before reaching to make contact with Rachel’s own leg.
Rachel jerked her hand up to rest on her stomach, and considered the surprising notion that Quinn was a bit of a snuggler before she fell asleep.
//
Rachel almost expects the dramatic we have woken up wrapped in each other’s arms, what could this possibly mean? moment that always seems to happens in movies and books, but she is almost more amused with the position she finds Quinn in when she wakes up. The blonde’s hair is, first and foremost, spread all over, and sticking up at odd angles. Her arms are spread out on either side of her, except one of them is holding on rather desperately to a corner of Rachel’s sleeping bag. Her leg is still in contact with Rachel’s, and in the lights drifting down from the open basement door, Rachel can see with clarity how smooth the skin is.
Rachel neglects the nervous energy bursting through her that whispers to her that she is meant to be on her elliptical five minutes ago, and she falls asleep again to the slight sound of Quinn’s snoring.
//
Two days later, Rachel gets a text from Quinn asking if Rachel wanted to come over for a movie or something. Literally, the text read, “I was wondering if you wanted to come over for a movie or something.”
Rachel had no idea how to dress for or something so she ended up with her trusty usual attire of skirt and blouse. Quinn’s slight smile when she opened the Fabray’s heavy oak door seemed to speak of her expectations being met.
“Quinn, I would ask that if you would like to engage in social contact with me at a later occasion, perhaps you might properly define what our activity will be so I can dress more specifically?”
The slight widening around Quinn’s eyes spoke of exceeding expectations, and Rachel was more satisfied.
“Of course, Rachel. Specificity is of the utmost importance. I was remiss earlier when I didn’t explain thoroughly what my plans were.”
“Exactly, Quinn, I’m glad we understand each other - ”
Rachel stopped as she noticed the slight twinkle in Quinn’s eyes, that seemed to tumble out of Quinn’s mouth in giggles. Rachel found herself giggling with the blonde, in slight awe of the rare smile on Quinn’s face.
Within fifty-three seconds of her arrival, Quinn has exceeded Rachel’s expectations of their being together without Quinn strangling her.
//
Finn’s hands are big and warm as he coaxes Rachel to aim more effectively at the arcade game in front of them. At first the prospect of a date at Dave and Buster’s had been underwhelming, but after seeing the prizes available and the bright lights that reminded her of her nightly dreams of Broadway, it had been much more fun than anticipated.
With the last few credits available on the card, Finn is teaching her how to play his favorite game here - and she is more frightened of it than determined to kill the zombies bent on eating her brains. She shrieks as one comes from out of nowhere and swings at her with bloody arms, and Finn laughs as she turns back into his chest. Rachel enjoys the rumbling sound it makes as he takes care of the zombie for her and drops the bright blue gun back into its holder.
“I didn’t know you were so afraid of zombies,” Finn says laughingly, grabbing her hand in his and pickng up their large cup stuffed full with tickets. “I didn’t mean to freak you out.”
“You didn’t frighten me, Finn, those vicious killers did! I have already accepted my early death in the event of a zombie apocalypse, but I wish it weren’t so terribly obvious in even simple pixelated form,” Rachel says with a frown. Finn frowns back, his soft brown eyes seeming sad.
“You wouldn’t die early in a zombie apocalypse,” he says, standing in line behind a few other people waiting to get their tickets weighed.
“Of course I would Finn! Consider the facts: I have delicious brains, thanks to my enormous amounts of knowledge. I cannot run that fast, thanks to my small stature. If only the zombies would implode at the sound of a crystal clear high F note...”
Finn’s eyes still seem sad, as he shakes the cup around in his hand.
“I wouldn’t let you die,” he mutters, “I’d make sure you were okay.”
Rachel smiles at Finn’s unexpected sweetness and wraps her arms around his waist, smiling into his polo shirt. The warmth of his arm around her back is heavy and calming after a moment of hesitance. They’re quiet in the loud, and bright lights of the arcad for a moment.
“So, you want the big polar bear, right?”
//
“You know, I would’ve been your friend.”
Rachel regrets it the minute it leaves her mouth. The line has been running through her mind endlessly since her arrival at Quinn’s earlier today, at the sight of pictures of a younger Quinn, or Lucy, Rachel corrects. They’re in the dark corners of Quinn’s room, perhaps meant to be reminders of what Quinn is so desperately warning from. But Rachel recognized the smile Lucy had worn in the sparing photos - it was lonely and sad, and she felt it deep in her heart when she realized Quinn’s smile wasn’t too far from it.
It shook her to the core every time she caught Quinn smiling at her and it was loud, and bright, and happy, and Rachel knew it wouldn’t exist without her.
Quinn’s eyes are questioning, one eyebrow pressing downward. The book on Salvador Dali Rachel has given her as a birthday present in advance of her party in her hands is forgotten as she tries to figure what Rachel means.
Her hazel eyes cloud over as she spots the photo of Lucy that’s tacked in the far corner of her corkboard, half-hidden under a ultrasound photo, and Rachel’s heart breaks when she notices a slight quiver of Quinn’s chin at the sight of what must be the two most defining things of Quinn’s entire life.
“You’d be friends with anyone,” Quinn whispers, tilting her head back down to the book.
“No. I would’ve been friends with you,” Rachel whispers back, thankful that Quinn has let her say this without a glare and a get out of my house, Berry.
“She was a different person,” Quinn insists, her fingers sliding along the photo on the page in front of her.
“She was you. You are her,” Rachel insists back, reaching forward to grab Quinn’s hand. She’s surprised when Quinn grips her fingers and looks up from the book, her hazel eyes entirely striking against the red of her wet eyes.
“I wish I had been as brave as you are, then. I still wish that,” Quinn croaks tiredly, her face suddenly seeming a hundred years old. Ancient even, and the weight that seems to sink Quinn’s shoulders sings of the burden that should be held by no one, by anyone but the slight shoulders of the girl in front of her. The sight makes her heart burn, and it makes her want to sing sad, beautiful songs.
She pulls Quinn to her for a hug, because every time she thinks of speaking, it sounds like rhymes in her mind.
//
Finn is smiling when he steps into McKinley High at her side. His letterman jacket brushes against her arms and it breathes comfort into her somehow as she faces the school that has tried to ruin her for the first day of her last year. It is exhilarating and yet crushing, to know this is the beginning of the end.
“So, your first class is art, right?” he asks, his smile bright as they stop at her locker. He deposits her books in the metal confines and glances happily at the pictures that line the door already. She had talked Mr. Schue into letting her in early so she could prepare. “Awesome,” he says when she nods. “I wish I had room for art.”
His face is mournful for only seconds before he leans forward and kisses her on the forehead. “I gotta drop by Coach’s office for some new plays, but I’ll text you, okay?”
With a smile he’s almost bouncing down the hallway, waving back at her over his shoulder joyfully.
She smiles back, and shakes off the slight empty feeling that stands in her heart even when it’s flooded with love.
She can't quite shake off the knowledge that when she walks into her art room, Quinn looks up and smiles, and her heart feels full to bursting,
//
Rachel doesn’t question it when Quinn drapes her arm behind Rachel on the couch a they watch a possibly bootleg recording of Sunday in the Park with George. Rachel’s in it for the Sondheim, and Quinn is in it for the pointillism, but it’s nice either way. It’s comfortable, and she doesn’t need to question it.
It isn’t until Quinn is snoring lightly next to her on her bed that Rachel wonders for the first time.
//
Finn frowns down at her as she writes in her notebook, words like confusion and illusion floating through her head but the words are only centimeters of what the massive song floating in her heart sings when she looks up at Finn and suddenly thinks of Quinn.
It isn’t logical. She knows that. Finn loves her, and she loves him, and that is simple, that is safe. Her fairytale of forever is beyond her grasp these days, but this, this strange mess in her soul is unprecedented and upsetting.
“This seems really angsty, Rach,” he says, his voice questioning and confused. “Are you okay?”
“I’m sure I’ll be fine, Finn.”
//
She doesn’t even know exactly where it comes from, in her head. This vision in her dreams, and now more and more her daydreams, is Quinn smiling above her and whispering things, anything, and leaning down to kiss her, stamping a smile on Rachel’s face in the process. It’s almost haunting, the edge of a ghost, and it makes Rachel want to know what it feels like to have those soft lips on hers.
But she doesn’t understand the impulse - Quinn is beautiful, and she is enchanting. She is smart, and talented, and a wonderful friend. But Rachel has never before wanted to know what it felt like to kiss Mercedes, or Kurt, who are both those things.
She doesn’t understand. She just doesn’t understand.
//
Quinn’s eyes trace her form and Rachel feels it down to her bones. She almost forgets the words to the song softly thrumming in the room when her eyes connect with Quinn’s.
“Wise men say only fools rush in...”
Rachel feels Finn’s arms wrap around her sweetly when she finishes the song, but she still feels the quiet look in Quinn’s eyes when she returns the hug.
//
“I got in!”
Rachel nearly falls off her chair when Quinn bursts into her bedroom, a blur of energy, a rare moment for Quinn Fabray.
“I should’ve never told you where we kept the spare key,” Rachel gasps, before her eyes lock on the white envelope with the familiar flame logo in purple on it. “You got in.”
“I got in,” Quinn repeats, waving the envelope back and forth in front of Rachel’s face. “I got in. I’m going to NYU!”
Rachel’s heart feels like it drops straight out of her chest but a smile bursts across her face. She wonders where it goes, when she thinks about Quinn Fabray, NYU student later that night. She can’t decide whether it goes to her future, waiting there on the island of Manhattan, or whether it goes straight to Quinn’s hands.
She tries to forget that the answer is probably both.
//
Rachel accidentally opens Quinn’s sketchbook while she’s looking for a photo album. Quinn is downstairs, so it’s not too big of a misstep, except Rachel recognizes herself on the page she accidentally opens to. And so she flips the page.
She gasps at the drawing of her, mid-note, and she recognizes the look on her face almost immediately as the song in her heart, the one for Quinn, only for Quinn. Always for Quinn.
She breaks up with Finn the next day, and writes her song a day later.
//
“This is a really good song, Rach,” Quinn says, flipping through the pages and pages of lyrics with something like awe on her face. “This will be amazing at nationals, but you do realize you messed up on some of these notes, right? They’re a little low for you, and I think you can definitely show off your range, not that I don’t mind you being humble - ”
“I didn’t mess up,” Rachel says, cutting her off, as if Rachel Berry messes up.
Quinn’s eyes are questioning.
“I wrote it for you,” Rachel says, before she clears her throat at the sudden emotion in her voice. “You’re going to sing it at nationals. Well, with guest solos from Noah, Santana and Artie, but still. It’s yours.”
“Why?”
Rachel almost blurts that it’s because every time I close my eyes I see you smiling and it makes no sense but every time I look at you I feel something exciting in my hands and to my heart it sounds like a song but Rachel gets the feeling that would be creepy, and strange.
She just offers to sing Quinn through it, instead.
//
“Oh my god I’m going to die.”
“You were once eight months pregnant on stage, I believe it would’ve been far more likely that you would’ve died then - ”
“That is the least comforting thing you have ever said, and that is really not something you should be proud of because you told Brittany that a lifespan of a pet duck is much shorter than a wild one - ”
“I stand by that statement, as it is true, and allowing Brittany to believe differently is cruel - ”
“She cried, and I’m going to faint so great job, Rach - ”
“Sweetheart, you’ll be amazing. We’ve practiced this number over and over and you are the closest thing to perfect I have ever seen or heard. Go out there and be great, Quinn.”
Rachel smiles brightly, gripping Quinn’s fingers as the other girl looks confused and beautiful and everything Rachel can’t get out of her head.
“Go, Quinn,” she whispers, standing up on her toes to kiss Quinn on the forehead, before she pushes Quinn into the spotlight. And it’s looking like a star, and the song in her heart burns itself into her skin as Quinn sings it.
//
Quinn rushes to her after she makes her way into the cafeteria, having walked in from the gym. Rachel smiles when the taller girl picks her up and swings her around.
“That was beautiful,” Quinn whispers into Rachel’s ear, her forehead pressed into Rachel’s temple. Rachel had sung during graduation.
“Thank you,” she whispers back, holding Quinn tighter to her. Maybe it’s selfish, but it’s warm and happy.Over Quinn’s shoulder she sees Finn watching with soft eyes. When he notices Rachel looking at him he grins and gives a thumbs up, even though his smile seems somewhat sad. Rachel’s heart droops just a little, until Quinn is whisper-singing in her ear.
“If you be my star, I’ll be your sky...”
Rachel feels Quinn press a kiss into her temple, and Rachel pulls back to look at Quinn. She only gets to see the soft and loving smile for a short moment before her dads are upon them. Quinn holds her hand and Rachel’s heart is singing at the lightness it brings her.
//
Quinn sits up suddenly on the blanket they’ve placed outside on their seventeenth day of summer.
“I have something for you,” she whispers, digging around in the bag she’s brought before she produces a canvas with plastic over it. But Rachel gasps when she sees past the slight sheen.
“Um, it’s you,” Quinn mutters, her face pale and blushing at the same time. “You were - it was one of the easiest things to paint, ever. I just kept wanting to paint you, but it never made sense, it never clicked right. Fragments or something, but then you sang at graduation...you sang to me, when you looked at me, and it snapped in. I’ve had this for a while now.”
Rachel thinks back to the song she wrote, when she saw the sketch of herself in Quinn’s book, the song she gave to Quinn when she finished it.
The song for Quinn, the song that said everything for Rachel, to Quinn.
Rachel looked up from the painting of herself, and saw the beautiful, gorgeous, wondering expression that Rachel saw when she looked down again.
And she looked up in time for Quinn to lean in and kiss her.
//
the end