A Pocket Full of Problems and a Pocket Full of Seeds (Quinn/Rachel)
Name: A Pocket Full of Problems and a Pocket Full of Seeds
Rating: PG
Length: 2300
Spoilers: none
Summary: It’s okay that I pray that you will miss your flight, and stay with me another night.
Author’s Note: This fic took an astoundingly long time for only 2300 words. The title and summary both come from the song Christmas TV by the band Slow Club - that song probably really enhances the listening experience. I hope you guys really like this fic the way I do!
Quinn was warm when she woke up. The sheets all around her were cocooning her and the pillow under her head was pressing against her just right. The mattress was perfect under her body. Everything was perfect.
But what was most perfect, Quinn was certain, was the girl wrapped in her arms, who pressed backward against Quinn at the sound of the alarm ringing through the room. Quinn slung her arm back to smack the clock, sighing as she fitted herself back up against Rachel. Rachel twisted around a little in the circle of Quinn's arms, squirming until the tight hold Quinn had around her relented just a little.
When they were face to face, Quinn had to breathe in a little, suddenly at a loss for air. It was disarming to wake up to Rachel's face, even though she intended to do so for the rest of her life.
She didn't get to do it often enough.
Rachel smiled blearily, reaching upward and combing her fingers through Quinn's probably wild hair, until her fingertips were pressing and releasing in a pleasing pattern against the sides of Quinn's head. Rachel's small body was tight against Quinn's and her breath fell along Quinn's cheeks and she just wanted to kiss her, to pull her closer, to pull her in as close as possible. To keep her in her pocket and carry her around.
Quinn had pretty much devolved into sappiness thanks to Rachel Berry. She couldn't bring herself to care, especially when Rachel was giggling quietly as Quinn leaned forward to capture her lips.
It was sweet and hot at the same time, somehow, a product of being away from each other too often, but Rachel squirmed just a little closer, her fingers sliding down Quinn's neck and scratching lightly on her back. And it was just kissing - just kissing, but it was everything that ever meant anything to Quinn.
Everything felt a lot less warm when Rachel pulled away and snuggled her chin up under Quinn's, pushing them over so that Rachel was on top of Quinn and Quinn was flat on her back, her fingers running up and down Quinn's ribs while Quinn's own hands rubbed up under the sweater that Rachel must've stolen on Thursday after the show.
"Your flight leaves in three hours," Rachel whispered, and Quinn frowns at the way the words break over the warm morning. She knew - of course she knew, she had paid out of her own pocket for the ticket - but hearing Rachel say it with such finality made everything seem so real. It was always like this when they met up. Quinn got a hotel room on her saved up family allowance money for a week and Rachel abandoned her roommate at Julliard to shack up with her there.
And they snuggled all over the place and ate and pretty much lived like they were married - a more and more common thought that was starting to itch at Quinn with each too-short visit. Three years of a week at a time, every two months or so and they were almost finished. They were almost finished.
So Quinn just kissed the top of Rachel's head and pressed her palms into her back, pulling them closer together before thunking her head backwards onto the pillow and closing her eyes against the feeling that by the end of the day, she wouldn't have this, this girl in her arms.
It got worse every successive time she left. At Christmas she had missed her flight four times and ended up staying in New York until the day before school back home started up, incensing her mom (and her mom's bank account) to the point of breaking. Going to school at Cincinnati had been great for her and she loved it there, but being away from Rachel was the biggest thing on her mind these days. There wasn't ever a moment where they weren't talking to each other or texting or sexting (and Quinn had sure as hell gotten the hang of that around the time college rolled around) or Skyping. They were always connected, so much so that Quinn felt Rachel like a second skin or an extra limb or something super corny like that.
And so they just lay like that as the city that never sleeps roared to full force somewhere below them, wrapped up in each other and missing what wasn’t yet gone.
//
Quinn's brain had climbed out of its happy sappy mess only to fall right into an annoyed sappy mess.
"Why do these bags weigh so damn much?" Quinn asked, dragging along her duffel bag full of a week's worth of clothes. Rachel was walking beside her, sulking thanks to Quinn's refusal of morning sex.
It was hardly personal - in fact, Quinn would’ve much rather been tangled up in her hotel room sheets than in the middle of the airport but the fact of the matter was that they were on borrowed time.
It was spring break (or the end of it, Quinn supposed) and the airport was crowded with half the damn globe, it seemed. Being stuck here at rush time wasn't much of anything compared to all the other times Quinn has navigated this stretch of the airport, or compared to dating Rachel Berry long distance. And dating Rachel Berry had been more or less an accident - they had started hanging out and talking more in their senior year and, well, Quinn hadn't had much of a chance between Rachel's determination to have Quinn, Rachel's skirts, and how awesome a person Rach really was.
And now she was a damn sap, flying across the damn country to visit her because she was worth the hassle or whatever. Falling in love was way overrated, especially in frequent flyer miles.
The security check quickly became visible and Rachel tugged at the strap on Quinn's duffel bag, turning Quinn around so fast that he weight of the bag pulls her even closer. Another piece of evidence in the sap theory - Rachel could probably cough and Quinn might consider a trip to the emergency room. Apparently the same holds for slight tugs.
When Quinn backed up a little, uncomfortably shifting her too-heavy bag on her shoulder, she was greeted with an unfamiliar look on Rachel's face. And unwelcome, too, because it has Quinn dropping her bag to the ground and reaching for either side of Rachel's face, curling her fingers around the nape of the shorter girl's neck to brush there.
"What's wrong?" she asked, maybe too frantically to be smooth or sweet but Rachel's eyes are all washed out, dulled, almost, and Quinn was perfectly capable of beating anybody up.
Anyone, seriously, if it meant Rachel would smile and snuggle her again. Which isn't to say that she's in the relationship for the snuggles because that would both be dumb and really ignorant to all of Rachel as a whole, and snuggle was a super cute word if you thought about it -
Rachel sniffled, immediately drawing Quinn from the confines of her own brain to the situation at hand. The girl shifted closer to Quinn, her hand reaching out to palm Quinn's ribs and even though they've spent the last five days touching at all times, it burned through Quinn and warmed all through her, up through her chest and all down her legs. And Rachel sighed, flickering her dusty brown eyes all around the airport, anywhere but Quinn and she was adorable and cute and beautiful and Quinn wanted to kiss her because she can -
Rachel frowned as a little kid tripped over Quinn's duffel bag and tumbled right into Quinn, separating them. Quinn scrambled to keep the kid upright as Rachel stepped back, smiling somewhat as the kid cheerfully babbled up at Quinn about the toys it's carrying. When the mother of the kid finally tugged him away, Rachel smiled again, wider, up at Quinn.
And Quinn really was a fucking sap because it was like the sun right in front of her and it's like she's been waiting all these months and counting down days and driving her roommate back at Cincinnati crazy just for this - this girl, this smile, this moment. All that time just to be there, with her.
Santana Lopez would take this time to call her a fucking pussy.
Rachel's smile dropped, though, when she turned to glance up at the fancy hi-def flight board that Quinn was pretty sure wasn't there last time (and last time was only Christmas, so efficiency rates were up!).
It had been a hard thing, deciding to go long distance. They hadn't been dating that long - they hadn't even slept together and it was such a huge decision, such a huge commitment to tell Rachel that she'd be there for her even when she couldn't really be there. It was challenging and hard and sometimes Quinn couldn't imagine why she did it because Rachel would call her at four in the damn morning crying about nightmares involving baby chickens coming out of eggs and attacking -
It was hard, but Quinn loved it because she loved Rachel. Because she was a giant sap.
Rachel sighed again, grabbing Quinn's hand and squeezing too tightly for it to be nonchalant or comforting for Quinn. Her face was dark and her eyes were heavy when she locked them with Quinn's, and Quinn felt the weight of the tears in them like lead in her chest. She didn't know what to do besides hold Rachel's hand and reach forward for Rachel's hip, pulling her closer to Quinn. Rachel came willingly, wrapping her free arm around Quinn's torso and burrowing her head into Quinn's neck, inhaling audibly.
"I love you," Quinn whispered, rubbing her hand up and down Rachel's back and trying to breathe through the pain that shot through her when Rachel shook in her arms, releasing a choked sob. "I love you so much."
Rachel nodded her head underneath Quinn's chin, her fingers clenched tightly in both Quinn's t-shirt and the hand she's still clutching. "I love you too," Rachel whispered back, and the words felt like blows raining down on Quinn's back. She shuffled Rachel closer to her, feeling tears slip out of her own eyes and turning her head down to breathe in the peppermint scent of Rachel's shampoo.
"You have to go," Rachel continued, and Quinn nodded. They don't move for a minute more, until Quinn slowly disentangled herself from Rachel and kept her hand wrapped with the other girl's, reaching down and grabbing her too-heavy duffel bag and slinging it onto her shoulder. Rachel started tugging them both towards the entrance to security check, stopping just short and turning to face Quinn with the saddest face that Quinn had ever seen.
"Hey," Quinn started, swinging Rachel's hand through the air and raising it to her lips, pressing a quick kiss there. "I suck at speeches, you know. And I'm terrible with emotions and I only woke up three hours ago so this is going to suck. But I'm not going home right now. This plane is going to take me to school and where I live and whatever, but I love you and you are my home. And a few more months from now, I'll come home, and I'll stay. I promise. I won't ever leave you if I can help it. So please, babe, hold on. Keep holding on, right? I love you."
"That didn't suck," Rachel croaked, rubbing valiantly at tears that were coming rapidly down her face. "Go get on your plane so you can contact me promptly upon your arrival at the airport."
"Right," Quinn whispered, staring down at Rachel and then grabbing for the shorter girl's face, bringing their lips together for a sudden, deep, quick moment that lasts forever and not long enough.
It's really sappy, but Quinn doesn't look away from Rachel until the walls get in the way. The last she sees of home is Rachel smiling apprehensively with her hand raised and fingers splayed, a lone tear rolling down her beautiful face.
//
Her dorm at Cincinnati was empty when she came in. It was quiet and cool, the AC humming along as Quinn dropped her duffel bag next to her bed and crashed face first onto it. After a moment of just breathing in the nothingness scent of the pillow, she reached down into the pocket of her jeans and fished out her phone, quickly flipping to Rachel's name and pressing 'call' with a deep breath.
Rolling over a few times, her back hit the wall and she observed the empty space spread out before her as she reached her hand out across it and closed her eyes. Rachel picked up the phone with a breathless, "Hello?" that had Quinn smiling too broadly for it to be normal or not creepy or whatever.
"Hey," Quinn answered, smiling even wider when Rachel burst into activity at the sound of Quinn's voice, jabbering on about how Quinn was 34.124 minutes late in calling her or something. She just closes her eyes and draws her blankets up over her, listening to the sound of Rachel's voice and keeps her arm stretched over the open expanse of the bed. It's not the same, and it's a stupid gesture, sure -
But then Quinn heard the rustling of sheets and deeper breathing come over the earpiece of her phone and she smiled, picturing Rachel in her dorm at Julliard curled up into a ball in one of Quinn's sweatshirts, on the side opposite Quinn too many hundred miles away. It was sappy and dumb, but Quinn was in love, and she knew, above all, that she wasn't alone.
It was warm when she fell asleep to the sound of Rachel's breathing.
the end.
Rating: PG
Length: 2300
Spoilers: none
Summary: It’s okay that I pray that you will miss your flight, and stay with me another night.
Author’s Note: This fic took an astoundingly long time for only 2300 words. The title and summary both come from the song Christmas TV by the band Slow Club - that song probably really enhances the listening experience. I hope you guys really like this fic the way I do!
Quinn was warm when she woke up. The sheets all around her were cocooning her and the pillow under her head was pressing against her just right. The mattress was perfect under her body. Everything was perfect.
But what was most perfect, Quinn was certain, was the girl wrapped in her arms, who pressed backward against Quinn at the sound of the alarm ringing through the room. Quinn slung her arm back to smack the clock, sighing as she fitted herself back up against Rachel. Rachel twisted around a little in the circle of Quinn's arms, squirming until the tight hold Quinn had around her relented just a little.
When they were face to face, Quinn had to breathe in a little, suddenly at a loss for air. It was disarming to wake up to Rachel's face, even though she intended to do so for the rest of her life.
She didn't get to do it often enough.
Rachel smiled blearily, reaching upward and combing her fingers through Quinn's probably wild hair, until her fingertips were pressing and releasing in a pleasing pattern against the sides of Quinn's head. Rachel's small body was tight against Quinn's and her breath fell along Quinn's cheeks and she just wanted to kiss her, to pull her closer, to pull her in as close as possible. To keep her in her pocket and carry her around.
Quinn had pretty much devolved into sappiness thanks to Rachel Berry. She couldn't bring herself to care, especially when Rachel was giggling quietly as Quinn leaned forward to capture her lips.
It was sweet and hot at the same time, somehow, a product of being away from each other too often, but Rachel squirmed just a little closer, her fingers sliding down Quinn's neck and scratching lightly on her back. And it was just kissing - just kissing, but it was everything that ever meant anything to Quinn.
Everything felt a lot less warm when Rachel pulled away and snuggled her chin up under Quinn's, pushing them over so that Rachel was on top of Quinn and Quinn was flat on her back, her fingers running up and down Quinn's ribs while Quinn's own hands rubbed up under the sweater that Rachel must've stolen on Thursday after the show.
"Your flight leaves in three hours," Rachel whispered, and Quinn frowns at the way the words break over the warm morning. She knew - of course she knew, she had paid out of her own pocket for the ticket - but hearing Rachel say it with such finality made everything seem so real. It was always like this when they met up. Quinn got a hotel room on her saved up family allowance money for a week and Rachel abandoned her roommate at Julliard to shack up with her there.
And they snuggled all over the place and ate and pretty much lived like they were married - a more and more common thought that was starting to itch at Quinn with each too-short visit. Three years of a week at a time, every two months or so and they were almost finished. They were almost finished.
So Quinn just kissed the top of Rachel's head and pressed her palms into her back, pulling them closer together before thunking her head backwards onto the pillow and closing her eyes against the feeling that by the end of the day, she wouldn't have this, this girl in her arms.
It got worse every successive time she left. At Christmas she had missed her flight four times and ended up staying in New York until the day before school back home started up, incensing her mom (and her mom's bank account) to the point of breaking. Going to school at Cincinnati had been great for her and she loved it there, but being away from Rachel was the biggest thing on her mind these days. There wasn't ever a moment where they weren't talking to each other or texting or sexting (and Quinn had sure as hell gotten the hang of that around the time college rolled around) or Skyping. They were always connected, so much so that Quinn felt Rachel like a second skin or an extra limb or something super corny like that.
And so they just lay like that as the city that never sleeps roared to full force somewhere below them, wrapped up in each other and missing what wasn’t yet gone.
//
Quinn's brain had climbed out of its happy sappy mess only to fall right into an annoyed sappy mess.
"Why do these bags weigh so damn much?" Quinn asked, dragging along her duffel bag full of a week's worth of clothes. Rachel was walking beside her, sulking thanks to Quinn's refusal of morning sex.
It was hardly personal - in fact, Quinn would’ve much rather been tangled up in her hotel room sheets than in the middle of the airport but the fact of the matter was that they were on borrowed time.
It was spring break (or the end of it, Quinn supposed) and the airport was crowded with half the damn globe, it seemed. Being stuck here at rush time wasn't much of anything compared to all the other times Quinn has navigated this stretch of the airport, or compared to dating Rachel Berry long distance. And dating Rachel Berry had been more or less an accident - they had started hanging out and talking more in their senior year and, well, Quinn hadn't had much of a chance between Rachel's determination to have Quinn, Rachel's skirts, and how awesome a person Rach really was.
And now she was a damn sap, flying across the damn country to visit her because she was worth the hassle or whatever. Falling in love was way overrated, especially in frequent flyer miles.
The security check quickly became visible and Rachel tugged at the strap on Quinn's duffel bag, turning Quinn around so fast that he weight of the bag pulls her even closer. Another piece of evidence in the sap theory - Rachel could probably cough and Quinn might consider a trip to the emergency room. Apparently the same holds for slight tugs.
When Quinn backed up a little, uncomfortably shifting her too-heavy bag on her shoulder, she was greeted with an unfamiliar look on Rachel's face. And unwelcome, too, because it has Quinn dropping her bag to the ground and reaching for either side of Rachel's face, curling her fingers around the nape of the shorter girl's neck to brush there.
"What's wrong?" she asked, maybe too frantically to be smooth or sweet but Rachel's eyes are all washed out, dulled, almost, and Quinn was perfectly capable of beating anybody up.
Anyone, seriously, if it meant Rachel would smile and snuggle her again. Which isn't to say that she's in the relationship for the snuggles because that would both be dumb and really ignorant to all of Rachel as a whole, and snuggle was a super cute word if you thought about it -
Rachel sniffled, immediately drawing Quinn from the confines of her own brain to the situation at hand. The girl shifted closer to Quinn, her hand reaching out to palm Quinn's ribs and even though they've spent the last five days touching at all times, it burned through Quinn and warmed all through her, up through her chest and all down her legs. And Rachel sighed, flickering her dusty brown eyes all around the airport, anywhere but Quinn and she was adorable and cute and beautiful and Quinn wanted to kiss her because she can -
Rachel frowned as a little kid tripped over Quinn's duffel bag and tumbled right into Quinn, separating them. Quinn scrambled to keep the kid upright as Rachel stepped back, smiling somewhat as the kid cheerfully babbled up at Quinn about the toys it's carrying. When the mother of the kid finally tugged him away, Rachel smiled again, wider, up at Quinn.
And Quinn really was a fucking sap because it was like the sun right in front of her and it's like she's been waiting all these months and counting down days and driving her roommate back at Cincinnati crazy just for this - this girl, this smile, this moment. All that time just to be there, with her.
Santana Lopez would take this time to call her a fucking pussy.
Rachel's smile dropped, though, when she turned to glance up at the fancy hi-def flight board that Quinn was pretty sure wasn't there last time (and last time was only Christmas, so efficiency rates were up!).
It had been a hard thing, deciding to go long distance. They hadn't been dating that long - they hadn't even slept together and it was such a huge decision, such a huge commitment to tell Rachel that she'd be there for her even when she couldn't really be there. It was challenging and hard and sometimes Quinn couldn't imagine why she did it because Rachel would call her at four in the damn morning crying about nightmares involving baby chickens coming out of eggs and attacking -
It was hard, but Quinn loved it because she loved Rachel. Because she was a giant sap.
Rachel sighed again, grabbing Quinn's hand and squeezing too tightly for it to be nonchalant or comforting for Quinn. Her face was dark and her eyes were heavy when she locked them with Quinn's, and Quinn felt the weight of the tears in them like lead in her chest. She didn't know what to do besides hold Rachel's hand and reach forward for Rachel's hip, pulling her closer to Quinn. Rachel came willingly, wrapping her free arm around Quinn's torso and burrowing her head into Quinn's neck, inhaling audibly.
"I love you," Quinn whispered, rubbing her hand up and down Rachel's back and trying to breathe through the pain that shot through her when Rachel shook in her arms, releasing a choked sob. "I love you so much."
Rachel nodded her head underneath Quinn's chin, her fingers clenched tightly in both Quinn's t-shirt and the hand she's still clutching. "I love you too," Rachel whispered back, and the words felt like blows raining down on Quinn's back. She shuffled Rachel closer to her, feeling tears slip out of her own eyes and turning her head down to breathe in the peppermint scent of Rachel's shampoo.
"You have to go," Rachel continued, and Quinn nodded. They don't move for a minute more, until Quinn slowly disentangled herself from Rachel and kept her hand wrapped with the other girl's, reaching down and grabbing her too-heavy duffel bag and slinging it onto her shoulder. Rachel started tugging them both towards the entrance to security check, stopping just short and turning to face Quinn with the saddest face that Quinn had ever seen.
"Hey," Quinn started, swinging Rachel's hand through the air and raising it to her lips, pressing a quick kiss there. "I suck at speeches, you know. And I'm terrible with emotions and I only woke up three hours ago so this is going to suck. But I'm not going home right now. This plane is going to take me to school and where I live and whatever, but I love you and you are my home. And a few more months from now, I'll come home, and I'll stay. I promise. I won't ever leave you if I can help it. So please, babe, hold on. Keep holding on, right? I love you."
"That didn't suck," Rachel croaked, rubbing valiantly at tears that were coming rapidly down her face. "Go get on your plane so you can contact me promptly upon your arrival at the airport."
"Right," Quinn whispered, staring down at Rachel and then grabbing for the shorter girl's face, bringing their lips together for a sudden, deep, quick moment that lasts forever and not long enough.
It's really sappy, but Quinn doesn't look away from Rachel until the walls get in the way. The last she sees of home is Rachel smiling apprehensively with her hand raised and fingers splayed, a lone tear rolling down her beautiful face.
//
Her dorm at Cincinnati was empty when she came in. It was quiet and cool, the AC humming along as Quinn dropped her duffel bag next to her bed and crashed face first onto it. After a moment of just breathing in the nothingness scent of the pillow, she reached down into the pocket of her jeans and fished out her phone, quickly flipping to Rachel's name and pressing 'call' with a deep breath.
Rolling over a few times, her back hit the wall and she observed the empty space spread out before her as she reached her hand out across it and closed her eyes. Rachel picked up the phone with a breathless, "Hello?" that had Quinn smiling too broadly for it to be normal or not creepy or whatever.
"Hey," Quinn answered, smiling even wider when Rachel burst into activity at the sound of Quinn's voice, jabbering on about how Quinn was 34.124 minutes late in calling her or something. She just closes her eyes and draws her blankets up over her, listening to the sound of Rachel's voice and keeps her arm stretched over the open expanse of the bed. It's not the same, and it's a stupid gesture, sure -
But then Quinn heard the rustling of sheets and deeper breathing come over the earpiece of her phone and she smiled, picturing Rachel in her dorm at Julliard curled up into a ball in one of Quinn's sweatshirts, on the side opposite Quinn too many hundred miles away. It was sappy and dumb, but Quinn was in love, and she knew, above all, that she wasn't alone.
It was warm when she fell asleep to the sound of Rachel's breathing.
the end.